Man struck by sausage, but evidence eaten

Press Democrat ^ | Sunday, September 7, 2008 | LOUIS GALVAN

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

FRESNO -- A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out of the house, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

"It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond said.

Arrested was Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno.

Burrimond said deputies were dispatched to the victims' home shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress.

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen.

After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said.

Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

"That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said. "I tell you, this was one weird case."

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

I think the only thing stranger than this story is the fact that when I did a search here on FR for an earlier posting, a whole slew of sausage stories came up! Who knew sausage and crime go together so well?

[Dumpster Baby]

He was just doing his version of the Fish Slap Dance.

[Gondring]

The victims, both farmworkers [...]

Likely being the victims that Americans won't be. ;-)

[Hugin]

FRESNO -- A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to,,,

Sorry, I thought this story was going somewhere else.

I do remember a woman who killed her hubby with a frozen salmon.

[squidly]

When I think of the recovery of the evidence, I think of Tommy Chong.

[DemforBush]

"A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out of the house."

Man, Olberman's not taking his demotion well...

[fieldmarshaldj]

If Olberdouche is 8 inches, I’ll eat my own sausage.

[Blind Eye Jones]

lol

[dighton]

... rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out of the house ...

You could not make it up, even here in the back of beyond.

[endthematrix]

Three men and a sausage...

[milagro]

This is just hilarious. Can you imagine being the officer having to write up the report on this?

[I Drive Too Fast]

All for pun and pun for all ping.

I hope he was hit with an 8 inch sausage and not something else.

[6SJ7]

Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

I'll bet the police grilled the suspect on this sausage caper.

[milagro]

Possible material for a SNL skit, spoofing one of the CSI shows.

[xrmusn]

Just how DRUNK does one have to get to be able to perform in this theatre?
Now if there were a cauldron of boiling water in the background, this would all be perfectly sensible.

[Gamecock]

Perhaps an underling of the grounds keeper ate it?

[Ezekiel]

A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage

He must have been casing the joint. Wurst caper ever.

[endthematrix]

Mr. Burglar, America is dying to know, do you prefer spicy or mild?

[SteelCurtain_SSN720]

Maybe his children are brats.

[Ezekiel]

Maybe his children are brats.

Ding Ding Ding!

We have a wiener!

[DainBramage]

Boy or Grill?

[ViLaLuz]

“A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men “

Wet or dry?

[RichInOC]

“Go, meat!”

[Dr. Bogus Pachysandra]

Someone stole the kishka
Someone stole the kishka
Who stole the kishka,
from the butcher’s shop?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone call the cops!

Fat and round and firmly packed
It was hanging on the rack
Someone stole the kishka
When I turned my back
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/x3X ]
Someone bring it back!
Someone stole the kishka
Someone stole the kishka
Who stole the kishka,
from the butcher shop?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone call the cops!
Yusef found the kishka
Yusef found the kishka
Yusef found the kishka
And he hung it on the rack.
He found the kishka
He found the kishka
He found the kishka
Yusef brought it back
Heeeeeyyyyyyyy
Hey!
huh-huh-huh-huh

[sausageseller]

Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog. "That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said. "I tell you, this was one weird case."

Wonder if the city will sue me for selling dangerous unregistered weapons now?

[saganite]

and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head

Knockwurst. Hadda be a knockwurst.

[Andonius_99]

Oh, man, it’s too early for this crap, LOL...

[Rebelbase]

They only mention the sausage because he hid the salami.

[Alex Murphy]

And here I thought this was going to be a thread about Abe Frohman, the Sausage King of Chicago. You know...blue jeans, white T-shirt, brown hair, stunningly handsome.

[martin_fierro]

"I tell you, this was one weird case."

He never sausage a thing.

[Petronski]

Of all the puns on this thread, yours is the wiener.

[Petronski]

At least the perp didn't attempt to hide the sausage.

[dfwgator]

Here's the police lineup of the potential perps.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

"Oh, man, it’s too early for this crap, LOL..."

Thanks......I have not even had coffee yet. Time to run to the cafeteria and get some....

THE JOKES JUST WRITE THEMSELVES SOMETIMES.....PING!!!

[mikrofon]

A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms

Obviously an out-of-stater, probably Oreganoian...

[null and void]

I do remember a woman who killed her hubby with a frozen salmon.

Hmmmmm.

Do I go with Douglas Adams and make a reference to A Salmon of Doubt, or do I stick with Monty Python, and assert that "Wait a minute, I didn't have the salmon loaf!"

[John123]

rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face

Folks in Fresno seem weird... I think I'll keep going down I-5...

[buccaneer81]

Ping. (Alex, we have Abe Froman as a FReeper.)

[Cvengr]

Maybe the burglar thought he was a Merry Nade.

[maggief]

"Hide the salami!"

[ViLaLuz]

“Yusef found the kishka
And he hung it on the rack.”

He “found” it. A likely story.

[Constitution Day]

It’s only Monday, and I think this thread has great potential to be the best of the week.

[Lijahsbubbe]

Maybe his children are brats.

I always read it that way whenever I see a package! LOL.

[Constitution Day]

It’s twue!

[Grizzled Bear]

“Have you seen my weiner?”

[Slings and Arrows]

The wurst is yet to come.

[Lady Jag]

[Titan Magroyne]

They only mention the sausage because he hid the salami. Would that be in casing or au naturale?

[Titan Magroyne]

It’s twue!Blazing Saddles - great movie - is the answer to everything!

[Constitution Day]

Blazing Saddles - great movie - is the answer to everything!

It's my favorite movie of all time. Period.

HARRUMPH!