Posted on 11/04/2008 7:37:48 AM PST by P-Marlowe
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin... it's simply a mistake."
Post your Vanity Jokes here.
Two Irish guys walk out of a bar.....................
You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they’d be your partner
They’d be your partner, and
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?
You had me several years ago
When I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?
Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your horse naturally won
Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun
Well, you’re where you should be all the time
And when you’re not, you’re with
Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend
Wife of a close friend, and
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?
Two blondes walked into a bar, the brunette ducked and missed it.
The priest says, "Uhm... but you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"
The old Jewish man says, "I've been having an affair for six months now."
The priest says, "Okay, but why are you telling me?"
The old Jewish man says, "My lover is a beautiful, 19 year old girl."
The priest says, "Why are you telling ME??"
The old Jewish man says, "What, are you kidding? I'm telling everybody!!"
So, these baby seals walk into a club...
Not a good time to be wasting bandwidth you know.
What do you call a brunette sitting between two blondes?
An interpreter.
LOL!!................
Why did the blonde dye her hair brown?
She wanted artificial intelligence.
(sorta like posting jokes)...*grins*
That's funny.
An old man enters a confessional, and says:
"Father, I'm 92 years old."
My wife and I have been married for 67 years.
But last weekend I was driving along, and saw two college girls hitchhiking.
I picked them up and went to their dorm, and had sex with each one of them, twice.
Are you sorry for your sins?
Sins? I don't see any sins...
No? What kind of Catholic ARE you?
Catholic? I'm not Catholic, I'm Jewish!
Then why are you telling me?
Father, I'm 92 years old, and I'm telling EVERYBODY!
Her roommate found the newly brunette blonde lying on the shower floor, half drowned.
The roommate helped her up and asked, “What happened?!”
She managed to hold up a gallon jug of Suave shampoo, and pointed to the instructions:
“Rinse and repeat.”
This fish is swimming along minding his own business, when all of a sudden he rams face-first into a wall.
Know what he said?
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dam!
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, “I think I would like this room in a cream color.”
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, “Green side up!” He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. “In this room, I was thinking of an off blue.” Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, “Green side up!”
This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, “Green side up!”
Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, “Why do you keep yelling ‘Green side up’ out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?”
The contractor replied, “Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.”
My better half and daughter are blonde. I love the jokes.
Three friends, a blonde, redhead and brunette decided to swim the English channel, a race of sorts.
They started early in the morning. Late in the afternoon the brunette steps onto the French beach, followed shortly by the auburn-haired beauty.
The hours go by. It is dark, only the blonde’s boyfriend remains pacing along the shore.
The blonde finally hauls herself ashore, sputtering, angry: “I think those two used their arms!”
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