Posted on 12/25/2008 4:10:38 PM PST by American Dream 246
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways.
Here is a model dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.
Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.
Would you agree to this?
In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student American
P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand.
That was very good.
Do we really need Wall Street, though?
NO!!!!!!!!
I *demand* they take Barbra Strident!
attaboy
Boots
NO! Wall Street is as socialist as even. They have evolved into nothing but legalized bookies.
If they don’t take her, that would be a deal breaker. They must take Barbra and every other drugged out, hopped up “artist”. We get Flatt and Scruggs and Don Williams.
It's Christmas, and of all days, today I should be charitable. But in the face of such...manifest bad logic, I just can't be.
This question is typical of one I might expect from someone who thinks this piece of trite is "good." And if this defines "conservatism" for you, you have some homework to do. Lots of it.
It's nothing personal, you understand.
Merry Christmas.
Only to those who think this drivel is what "conservatism" is.
You’re being pretty self-righteous and condescending, Christmas or not.
I did think the piece was clever, and it is satirical. Maybe that was lost on you.
And I purposely asked the question about Wall Street to throw out some bait for other posters to chew on and discuss.
Go have another egg nog and chill.
Man take it easy. I get headaches already of the perceived political discussions and the laws to be written. Will take forever. I don’t need that shit.
It’s really way simpler. Just act Atlas Shrugged. Our business will be our pastime. Let the rest solve their own problems. We’ll have much more fun.
Not so. Analysis like that is rooted in insecurity.
I'm simply saying what I see is obvious.
The time for teabag-line or soundbyte definitions of things as important as political ideology is long past. Anyone who dwells there is playing around and I think the time for dawdling is also long past.
Just me, though, I'm sure.
The insecurity comes from your pronouncing your views are supreme.
If the time for dawdling is over, what the hell are you doing on a message board?
Dont bother replying, I have no interest in reading your buffoonery.
We will keep all oil rigs offshore, all oil refineries, all big oil companies and exploration teams. You can keep your windmills and solar panels.
Screw it - just give us Texas and Oklahoma, and we’ll make a go of it...
The left will never go for it ...There a reason leftists countries build fences to keep people IN...
Whoa, don’t leave Idaho to these POSs
My bad. Idaho is, of course, invited, as are any other conservative “fly over” states who want to join in...
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