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Now He Has the Hammer - Barack Obama plays whack-a-mole with the wingnuts.
National Review Online ^ | May 05, 2009 | David Kahane

Posted on 05/05/2009 8:30:44 PM PDT by neverdem








Now He Has the Hammer
Barack Obama plays whack-a-mole with the wingnuts.

By David Kahane

You wouldn’t believe how heartily I celebrated Pete Seeger’s 90th birthday yesterday. As is well known, Pete’s songs of outraged protest against the fascist, racist United States of America and his comradely sympathy for the late, lamented, egalitarian, utopian Union of Soviet Socialist Republics are some of my fondest childhood memories. For a time there, in the aftermath of the now blessedly forgotten Reagan Revolution — it took not one but two Bushes to leave the Republican party the leaderless, rudderless, intellectually and ideologically incoherent wreck it now is; thanks, guys! — Pete’s pioneering work was praised largely in musicological terms (folk revival, American authenticity, voice of the people, blah blah blah), but now that my man, Barack Hussein Obama II, is in the White House, we can drop that fan-boy pretense and use Pete’s music as the soundtrack of our ongoing Glorious Revolution. Vsya vlast sovyetam! All power to the soviets!

I don’t know about you, but when I saw the Dear Leader and Teacher, BO2, in front of his adoring chorus known as the “fiercely independent Washington press corps” the other day, I realized that at long last Pete’s vision, which was passed on through the collectivist mother’s milk to my father, the sainted “Che” Kahane, and thence, via my mother, what’s-her-name, to me, has finally been realized. Turn, turn, turn: Yes, my friends, the yeoman’s work performed by the glorious Fifth Column that stretches from Major Andre and Benedict Arnold to the Rosenbergs and Alger Hiss is now proudly out of the closet.

Which may be why The One is smiling so broadly these days, not only from ear to ear but from sea to shining sea. Whether giggling about the parlous state of the economy on 60 Minutes, bowing happily to the Saudi king, slipping Hugo Chávez some skin, or merrily listening to Comandante Ortega denounce Amerikkka for an hour, the former Barry Soetero is having a hell of a good time. Nevermind that the Social Security trust fund just went negative, unemployment is soaring, the market is flatlining, Air Force One buzzed lower Manhattan just because it could, and Chrysler went belly-up at the point of a gun; as they say in computer lingo: Those aren’t bugs, they’re features!

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that I’m currently working on yet another sequel to The Manchurian Candidate and I’ve come up with this crazy notion that, seven years after 9/11, the American people elected a man they had not even heard of a few years before, a man whose campaign was handled by a red-diaper baby, a man who was part Arab-African, the son of a Muslim, the circumstances of whose nativity are still unclear, whose college applications and transcripts have never been seen, who appears to have no friends from his days at Punahou, Occidental, Columbia, and Harvard. Heck, Hussein even went to Georgetown and made them cover up Jesus. And yet the enchanted Washington press corps finds Michelle’s bare arms and the Obamas’ new puppy — oddly enough, named BO — of far more journalistic interest. Talk about the dogs that don’t bark in the nighttime, the daytime, or any time!

Or, to put it another way, if BHO II actually were the nutbag Right’s worst nightmare, a crypto-Muslim Marxist bent on the destruction of the Principal Enemy, as our friends the Soviets used to call us, how would he act any different?

One of the things we progressives have long relied on is conservatives’ sheer stupidity. In your effort to reach across the aisle and find bipartisan compromise, you literally cannot credit the evidence of your own senses — which is that, basically, we hate you and everything your country used to stand for, and we intend to effect “fundamental change,” just as Obama promised during the campaign. The president has realized that as long as he and his teleprompter make soothing centrist noises, there is literally nothing he can’t get away with, even when it directly contradicts the words coming out of his mouth. He’s got the hammer and by Gaia is he ever using it. Just ask Rick Wagoner and Bob Nardelli and all those bankers who took the TARP poisoned gift and can’t give it back. Obama is not only POTUS, he’s also the Entertainer-in-Chief, the standing cover boy for what’s left of Time magazine, the eternal object of MSNBC and CNN’s fantasies. And you have to ask why this man is smiling? Not only shall we overcome — we have!

Sure, some of you think you’ll be able to stage a counterrevolution and restoration, like the Brits did after that Cromwell fellow back in the day. That somehow, somewhere, you’ll manage to come up with credible congressional candidates in 2010 who don’t remind the voting public of undertakers, bankers, used-car salesmen, child molesters, or Newt Gingrich. And then, in 2012, you’ll field a charismatic figure who can hold the public spellbound, articulate a clear vision of conservative capitalism, charm the pants off the independents and the undecideds, defeat a usurping tyrant, and sweep to victory in November. Someone like#…#John McCain or Jeb Bush or Newt Gingrich. Yeah, right.

So where have all your flowers gone? For you winguts, gone to graveyards, every one. Yes, I’m referring to Pete’s great anti-war song, which oddly enough was inspired by a Ukrainian folk song mentioned in the Soviet-era classic And Quiet Flows the Don. Meanwhile, everything in Washington is in bloom, including Michelle’s muscles and Barack’s Bobby Bonilla smile. We’re coming for you, for your lawyers and torturers and your corporate execs and your cars and your coal. Who knows? With no one to stop us, George Bush may end up like King Charles, and you remember what happened to him.

When will you ever learn? Luckily for us, probably never.

— With a song in his heart, David Kahane — born on May Day 1977 — is bringing the beer to tonight’s poker game with Barton Fink, Joe White, and Joe Gillis, if they can ever get Gillis out of Norma Desmond’s swimming pool. You can wish him a happy birthday at kahanenro@gmail.com or become his friend on Facebook.
David Kahane is a nom de cyber for a writer in Hollywood. “David Kahane” is borrowed from a screenwriter character in The Player.



TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Editorial; Foreign Affairs; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: barackobama; bho44; commievote; obama; seeger
One of the things we progressives have long relied on is conservatives RINO’s sheer stupidity. In your effort to reach across the aisle and find bipartisan compromise, you literally cannot credit the evidence of your own senses — which is that, basically, we hate you and everything your country used to stand for,...

Otherwise, it's dead on, and funny if it weren't so sad.

1 posted on 05/05/2009 8:30:44 PM PDT by neverdem
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To: neverdem

What you said.


2 posted on 05/05/2009 8:34:24 PM PDT by Ronin (Moderate Taliban? Oxymoron. Obama voters? Plain morons.)
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To: neverdem

>Barack Obama plays whack-a-mole with the wingnuts.

But are they “right-wingnuts”?


3 posted on 05/05/2009 8:39:43 PM PDT by OneWingedShark (Q: Why am I here? A: To do Justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God.)
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To: neverdem

Good one.


4 posted on 05/05/2009 8:49:35 PM PDT by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: neverdem

I can’t figure out if the writer of this piece is amongst the worst hypocritical leftist fools ever or is a libertarian type who is very adept at skewering leftists with their own type of language and tweaking everyone elses noses at the same time..


5 posted on 05/05/2009 9:01:03 PM PDT by LegendHasIt
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To: LegendHasIt
I can’t figure out if the writer of this piece is amongst the worst hypocritical leftist fools ever or is a libertarian type who is very adept at skewering leftists with their own type of language and tweaking everyone elses noses at the same time..

It's satire, but he pegs the RINOs dead on. Read the mini bio below the commentary.

6 posted on 05/05/2009 9:13:32 PM PDT by neverdem (Xin loi minh oi)
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To: neverdem

This is good. Really good.


7 posted on 05/05/2009 9:34:27 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( Don't mess with the mockingbird! /\/\ http://tiny.cc/freepthis)
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To: neverdem
This guy is good.....very good.

Sliced and diced with the deft hand of a Ginsu wielding master.

8 posted on 05/05/2009 9:48:48 PM PDT by Thumper1960 (A modern so-called "Conservative" is a shadow of a wisp of a vertebrate human being.)
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To: LegendHasIt

“I can’t figure out if the writer of this piece is amongst the worst hypocritical leftist fools ever or is a libertarian type who is very adept at skewering leftists with their own type of language and tweaking everyone elses noses at the same time..”

It’s an intensely tongue-in-cheek and probably very sincere piece. It’s more like your second option, at least as I read it.


9 posted on 05/05/2009 11:00:11 PM PDT by Attention Surplus Disorder (Mr. Bernanke, have you started working on your book about the second GREATER depression?")
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To: neverdem

Excellent! I love this kind of writing.


10 posted on 05/05/2009 11:11:19 PM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: neverdem; Attention Surplus Disorder

Thanks guys. These days it is getting more and more difficult to differentiate adept satire from leftist lunatic talking points.


11 posted on 05/06/2009 12:54:52 AM PDT by LegendHasIt
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To: arbooz

ping for a funny read


12 posted on 05/06/2009 1:31:23 AM PDT by Sender (It's never too late to be who you could have been.)
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Comment #13 Removed by Moderator

To: neverdem

Tim Robbins drowned David Kahane in a mudpuddle in an alley ... so I know this is satire ... but still, it’s completely true, every word.


14 posted on 05/06/2009 2:29:41 AM PDT by spodefly (This is my tag line. There are many like it, but this one is mine.)
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To: neverdem

Kahane hits the nail on the head.


15 posted on 05/06/2009 2:53:45 AM PDT by Godebert
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To: Kermit the Frog Does theWatusi

There's a sequel to Twin Peaks at the White House too.
Strange little man from an unknown place saying weird and bizarre riddles.
Disappearing crosses freaky weirdness. Disappearing children.
Pornography promoters appointed to cabinet positions.Absence of church
attendance. Declarations the U.S. is not a Christian nation...Mhmmm.Yesiree.
Time for another slice of cherry pie and a cup of joe as the dwarf does the exotic jazz Watusi.

Did they dance at Seeger's party? Dance of the Dwarfs.
If "Bob" were giving the orders on the astral plane, what else would happen besides covering up
the cross and the name of Jesus in Greek? Talking backwards?
Possession and zombification of his cult followers? GOP turncoats and the
MSNBC hosts become zombies. Even your friends start talking like the dancing Dwarf.
A whole town of dwarf zombies following their phantom spectre leader.
Strange clues in the Owl Cave.

During a dangerous conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn there are "enormous shifts
in power and fortune. This indicates the potential for explosive change, both
good and bad."
"When Jupiter and Saturn meet..."
"Fear and love open the doors."

©2009 HMBA

16 posted on 05/06/2009 10:15:54 AM PDT by HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity
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