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Goldman Sachs in Talks to Acquire Treasury Department
Borowitz Report ^ | July 16, 2009 | Andy Borowitz

Posted on 07/19/2009 3:35:13 PM PDT by Lorianne

In what some on Wall Street are calling the biggest blockbuster deal in the history of the financial sector, Goldman Sachs confirmed today that it was in talks to acquire the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

According to Goldman spokesperson Jonathan Hestron, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is "a good fit" because "they're in the business of printing money and so are we."

The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: "We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things."

Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger "is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don't already own."

Goldman recently celebrated record earnings by roasting a suckling pig over a bonfire of hundred-dollar bills.

Elsewhere, conspiracy theorists celebrated the 40th anniversary of NASA faking the moon landing.

And in South Carolina, Gov. Mark Sanford gave his wife a new diamond ring, while his wife gave him an electronic ankle bracelet.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Government
KEYWORDS: alreadyhappened; satire; willhappensoon
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Satire ... just barely.
1 posted on 07/19/2009 3:35:13 PM PDT by Lorianne
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To: Lorianne

now that’s cute.


2 posted on 07/19/2009 3:35:47 PM PDT by the invisib1e hand (What would a Fat Ugly Arrogant Misanthropic Latina do?)
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To: Lorianne

I thought they already owned it. They control it. Revolving doors and all.


3 posted on 07/19/2009 3:36:16 PM PDT by Jim Robinson (Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/jimrobfr)
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To: Lorianne

ROTFL! The headline says it all! Funny stuff! (But so true).


4 posted on 07/19/2009 3:38:36 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (WWTHD - What Would The Hondurans Do?)
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To: Lorianne

In what turned out to be a forehead slapper, in the wee hours of the morning, after hours of haggling over exacly what currency to use for the purchase, the head of GS stood up and with a stern look he exclaimed at his lawyers:

Wait a minute you fools, we already own them!


5 posted on 07/19/2009 3:39:28 PM PDT by mwilli20 (BO. Making communists proud all over the world.)
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To: Lorianne

Well, not saying that we don’t have a valid gripe here...

...but suddenly our complaints about G-S sound like the complaints over Haliburton that we heard from the KOS kiddies for 8 years.

Just saying.


6 posted on 07/19/2009 3:39:58 PM PDT by TWohlford
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To: Lorianne

Satire really needs to be in parentheses .. this is Breaking ?


7 posted on 07/19/2009 3:41:16 PM PDT by STARWISE (The Art & Science Institute of Chicago Politics NE Div: now open at the White House)
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To: Lorianne

They have owned for years. They just want to make it public record for tax loophole purposes.


8 posted on 07/19/2009 3:42:29 PM PDT by Proud_USA_Republican ("The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.")
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To: Lorianne

OBOZO HUSSEIN is said to become the Majority Shareholder with 53% of the new Stock as his Bonus for fixing the Deal!


9 posted on 07/19/2009 3:43:52 PM PDT by True Republican Patriot (May GOD Continue to BLESS Our Great President George W. Bush!!)
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To: Lorianne
Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger "is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don't already own."

LOL!

10 posted on 07/19/2009 3:47:44 PM PDT by 2111USMC
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To: John Semmens

Right up your genre.


11 posted on 07/19/2009 3:52:07 PM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus)
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To: Lorianne

I think the military will have a different viewpoint.


12 posted on 07/19/2009 3:52:32 PM PDT by taxtruth
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To: Lorianne

This may be a joke but these bankers are in control.


13 posted on 07/19/2009 3:59:55 PM PDT by taxtruth
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To: Lorianne
lol.

Very appropriate.
14 posted on 07/19/2009 4:00:57 PM PDT by mysterio
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To: Lorianne
It's about time the Freepers destroy these trolls.
15 posted on 07/19/2009 4:04:28 PM PDT by taxtruth
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To: Lorianne
Satire ... just barely.

How would anyone know in this bizarro not-so-parallel universe.

16 posted on 07/19/2009 4:06:36 PM PDT by meadsjn
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To: Lorianne

Did this happen before or after they bought Congress?


17 posted on 07/19/2009 4:21:31 PM PDT by antidemoncrat
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To: Lorianne

Good one. As you suggest, there’s an increasingly finer line separating satire from reality these days.


18 posted on 07/19/2009 4:29:17 PM PDT by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: Lorianne; writer33
Satire?
This is too close to the real thing.

19 posted on 07/19/2009 4:33:37 PM PDT by skinkinthegrass (Zer0 to the poor (foolish) voter: Welcome to MY DeathCARE ® You Sucker... Now Die! :^)
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To: Lorianne
ROFLMAO! Very true funny.
20 posted on 07/19/2009 4:38:12 PM PDT by PGalt
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