Posted on 08/08/2009 7:15:31 AM PDT by kellynla
DISSENT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF PATRIOTI- . . . No, wait, that bumper sticker expired January 20. Under the stimulus bill, theres a new $1.3 trillion bills-for-bumpers program whereby, if you peel off old slogans now recognized as environmentally harmful (QUESTION AUTHORITY), you can trade them in for a new CELEBRATE CONFORMITY sticker, complete with a holographic image of President Obama that never takes his eyes off you.
The right-wing extremist Republican base is back! warns the Democratic National Committee. These right-wing extremists have been given their marching orders by their masters: Theyve been directed to show up at thousands of events, told to organize, knock on doors . . .
No, wait. My mistake. Thats the e-mail I got from Mitch Stewart, Director of Organizing for America at BarackObama.com. But thats the good kind of organizing. Obamas a community organizer. Were the community. He organizes us. What part of that dont you get?
When the community starts organizing against the organizer, the whole rigmarole goes to hell. Not that these extremists showing up at town-hall meetings are real members of the community. Have you noticed how tailored they are? Dissent is now the hautest form of couturism. Sen. Barbara Boxer has denounced dissenters from Obamas health-care proposals as too well-dressed to be genuine. Only the emperor has new clothes. Everyone knows that.
Thankfully, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has seen through the manufactured anger of the Brooks Brothers brigade. Did he announce this in a rumpled suit? Hes a press secretary who wont press. Apparently, the health-care debate now has a dress code. Soon you wont be able to get in unless youre wearing Barack Obama mom-jeans, manufactured at a converted GM plant by an assembly line of retrained insurance salesmen. Any day now, Hollywood will greenlight a new movie in which an insane Sarah Palin figure picks out her outfit for spreading disinformation (The Lyin, the Witch, and the Wardrobe).
Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House, added her own distinctive wrinkle to the Brooks Brothers menswear. She disdained the anti-Obamacare protests as fake grassroots. I think theyre AstroTurf, she declared. Theyre carrying swastikas and symbols like that to a town meeting on health care.
Is this one of those Chinese Whispers things? Obama told Gibbs to tell Boxer to tell Reid, and by the time it reached Pelosi, it came out as uniforms night: Brooks Brothers. Mel Brooks. Springtime for Hitler. Swastikas. Or is the speaker right to sound the alarm about this army of goosestepping dandies? A veritable Garbstapo jackbooting down the interstate like its a catwalk in Milan.
Fortunately, this president doesnt fold like a Robert Gibbs suit. He wont give in to the attire pressure. So, on Monday, the official White House website drew attention to the alarming amount of disinformation about health insurance reform. These rumors often travel just below the surface, warned Macon Phillips, Chief Commissar of the Hopenstasi . . . whoops, I mean White House Director of New Media, via chain e-mails or through casual conversation.
Casual conversation, eh? Why cant these dissenters just be like normal people and read off the teleprompter?
Since we cant keep track of all of them here at the White House, were asking for your help, continued Commissar Phillips. If you get an email or see something on the web about health-insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov.
Reporting dissent is the highest form of patriotism! Is your neighbor suspiciously well-dressed? Is he mouthing off about cancer-survival rates under socialized-medical systems while wearing a cravat? Give us his name, and well give you his spats! Just go to flag@whitehouse.gov, not to be confused with flagging@whitehouse.gov, which is the e-mail address for reporting President Obamas latest approval rating. Go to flay@whitehouse.gov if youd like Speaker Pelosi to walk across your back as a whip-wielding SS dominatrix barking Vee haff vays of making you tokk less casually, dummkopf! Go to flange@whitehouse.gov if you need parts for your new government car, or your new government hip replacement. Go to flaunt@whitehouse.gov if youd like a special preview of President Obamas latest bare-chested pictorial for Vanity Fair. Go to flatulent@whitehouse.gov if youd like to report your neighbors cow for excessive CO2 emissions.
Better yet, just send everything on everyone to the White House. Unsure about that old hippie artist across the street? The one who said, Yeah, I voted for Obama cause I thought itd be cool to have an African-American president. But, since the economic downturn, the bottoms really dropped out of my hemp-tapestry market. He seems to be starting to entertain impure thoughts about the Dear Leaders plans for us, doesnt he? And yet, with the best will in the world, one couldnt really describe him as a snappy dresser, could one? Its a tough call. So best be on the safe side, and report everyone. The administration can hire people to sift through it all, and that will stimulate the economy even more than the new cashmere-for-clunkers program: Are you an angry right-wing fop? Why not trade in your frankly effete sweater for an evening with Joe Biden?
The Washington Posts Susan Brooks Thistlethwaite (not, as far as I know, a Brooks sister to the Brooks Brothers) says the town hall demolition derby is cynically designed and carried out in order to destroy real debate in the public square over health insurance reform. Decrying the snarling, angry protesters, liberal talk-show host Bill Press (no relation to the Corby Trouser Press) says that Americans want serious discussion on health care. If only wed stuck to the presidents August timetable and passed a gazillion-page health-care reform entirely unread by the House of Representatives or the Senate (the worlds greatest deliberative body) in nothing flat, wed now have all the time in the world to sit around having a serious discussion and real debate on whatever it was we just did to one-sixth of the economy.
But a sick, deranged, un-American mob has put an end to all that moderate and reasonable steamrollering by showing up and yelling insane, out-of-control questions like, Awfully sorry to bother you, your Most Excellent Senatorial Eminence, but I was wondering if you could tell me why you dont read any of the laws you make before you make them into law?
The community is restless. The firm hand of greater organization is needed.
“11/2010 won’t come soon enough for me! “
Nor for me!!!
Call for REAL REFORM in 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Apparently, the health-care debate now has a dress code.”
Mark is a riot!! Remember to dress casually all you town hallers
And Obama is Crassus!
it would be even funnier if it wasn’t true
LOL!
Sadly, I think 2010 will be too late.
Can I sign them up for junk mail and email viruses?
At this rate, the real reform in 2010 we will be calling for will resemble a real civil war.
You failed to note the styish boots he is wearing and made for stomping.
Violence is not necessary. We have more brains and logic on our side. ;-)
Giggle. I love Steyn.
I agree, 2010 can't come soon enough.
From one Simpson’s character to another, send them the text of 5 USC ss522a from your available email addresses.
Who cares if they get your name...it is federal regulation that you providing them.
I sent it with the subject of “Is This Right-wing Propaganda?”
Giggle.
Ah...good point. Those were probably New Black Panther Party-designed black leather jack boots. Note: the word “black” here has no racial connotation.
Let's hope it's not just fiction.
Of course not! The New Black Panther Party is very diversified racially; you have your inner-city blacks, your southern blacks, your east coast blacks, your west coast blacks, and so on. On a side note, the Party is equally diversified in religious affiliation.
Just create a mail forwarding rule and forward all your spam to that address.
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