Tiger Woods: Injuries Caused by Wife, Not SUV

TMZ.com ^ | 11/28/09 | Staff

[Bad Jack Bauer]

Tiger must have decided to not try to talk his way out of trouble, like, “Oh, Honey, you know that’s just a bunch of silly gossip. Not a word of it is true! You are my one and only, blah blah blah...” I mean, how easy is it to lie to a woman if you have to?

I sleepwalked. I fell asleep at the office, somehow made it downstairs to my car, "sleep drove" to a motel and was in some woman's room I did not know or had ever seen before (I swear) when my wife and her bail bondsman sister came through the door. I have no idea how I got all of my clothes off and it was just a coincidence that that woman slept in the nude.

My wife (ex-wife now), her sister, her lawyer and the judge did not buy that story. Hell, even my lawyer was skeptical.

[Reagan Man]

You salacious celeb watcher. At least you're honest. ;^)

[OldDeckHand]

"The only curious thing is that she didn’t have any weapons on her...other than the golf clubs."

Assault with a golf club is Aggravated Assault in FL and that's a 2nd Degree Felony, or perhaps they charge it as felony domestic abuse - which I think is a third degree felony. Either way, it's jail time, no way around it.

[FastCoyote]

[but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.]

Apparently the wife was putting the Woods to Woods for to many Woodies.

[dennisw]

Tiger should look on the bright side.....She didn’t try to JohnBobbitt-tize him while he slept

[GnuHere]

I’ll bet if they went to the apt of a drunk, trashy guy wearing a wife-beater T-shirt who was wanted for domestic abuse, they would just take his word for it if he said his wife was “resting”.
/s

OTOH, Tiger probably was tired - it’s not easy having a big fight, getting beat up, and wrecking your SUV all in one night. Here’s another thought - did he wreck it intentionally to try and explain the damage and his injuries?

[JerseyDvl]

Damn straight. Sadly, this is the best case scenario for Tiger. Nobody is going to take her side now and the he said/she said nonsense has been snuffed out.

[TomasUSMC]

You are a better golfer than I

long off the tee
.....................that was good.

[presently no screen name]

She wasn't try to get him out of the car - she ran after him after he left and used a club to hit the car.

All of the damage inflicted on Tiger...was by the wife

Yes we know that - that's what the article states.

[STARWISE]

Dang .. I told my Mom earlier tonight when
I first heard about this that I bet they had
a fight and he beat feet to get out of there
... the 2am thing was just too weird.

But I am stunned that little blonde innocent
looking gal could get that ferocious and
cause that much injury and bleeding. Wow ..

[UCANSEE2]

Tiger sounds more like a pussy.

and...errrrr... vice versa.

[dennisw]

When supermodels run wild

[TomasUSMC]

putting the Woods to Woods for to many Woodies

Very good verry good. SNL will use that for sure

[MaxMax]

Woods had to run.

Does anyone remember what happened to Warren Moon?,
In the MSM? All of it was false accusations by the MSM! 1995!

It's ALL BS, and Woods did the right thing by getting the "F" outa there.

Wait for MO to go ballistic in the white house. Har Har Har.

[fish hawk]

Wow, a double Bogey on his first hole. Last year it was a hole in one. He should have used his driver.

[period end of story]

We live in a salacious celeb society. Look at the Obama party crashers.

She was a blonde in a dress, so they let her in, and everybody agreed to pose for a pic with her.

What’s the lead story in the news? Let’s go with the blonde in the dress.

[Krankor]

[the invisib1e hand]

and...errrrr... vice versa.

A well-earned Ba-Da-BING!

[UCANSEE2]

Where where the cameras and the guy from “CHEATERS”???

This sounds like one of their usual scenarios.

[dennisw]

Get Jesse Jackson and Sharpton on the scene....A case of racial targeting with white on black brutality.