Why I will vote the Democrat ticket.....

I will vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my dog.

I will vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I will vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I will vote Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I will vote Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they are doing because they now think we are good people.

I will vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I will vote Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I will vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I will vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

I will vote Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

I will vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

I will vote Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my YOU KNOW WHAT, that it is unlikely I'll ever have another point of view.

This was from 2000 but remains completely relevant...

To vote democrat, you must believe…

That returning a portion of the budget surplus that the government has over-taxed to the people who earned that money in the first place is a “risky scheme”; but that government bureaucrats spending that money on massive new federal entitlement programs constitutes fiscal prudence.

That all of your earnings and lifetime savings belong to the government, except that portion that the governing elites allow you to keep; and the only reason that people are having trouble making ends meet financially is because there aren’t enough government programs.

That it is dangerous to entrust national energy policy to Bush and Cheney because they have years of experience in the energy industry, but that it is wise to entrust national energy policy to Gore and Lieberman because they have absolutely no experience in the energy industry.

That Al Gore really does want to shrink the size and intrusiveness of government, despite proposing trillions of dollars in new federal programs and overseeing a flood of new federal regulations, simply because he presided over the firing of a few hundred thousand Defense Department employees.

That more freedom to choose your own health care and doctors is bad, but that the bureaucracy of a federally run health care system without those choices is good.

That a government monopoly over education and health care is good.

That it is proper for rich whites like Al Gore to send their children to high quality private schools; and proper to force poor minority children to remain in low quality, often dangerous public schools.

That treating all people equally before the law constitutes racism; while granting certain people special privileges and enforcing government mandated discrimination constitutes equality.

That it is acceptable to kill innocent unborn babies; but it is unacceptable to execute convicted murderers.

That it is vital to maintain the right to choose to kill unborn babies; and equally vital to destroy the right to choose to defend your life or your family with a firearm, or the right to choose which school your child will attend.

That the First Amendment protects someone who burns the American flag, but that the First Amendment does not protect someone who waves the Confederate flag.

That, as would-be Speaker of the House Dick Gephardt has proclaimed, we cannot have both freedom of speech and healthy campaigns in a healthy republic.

That the First Amendment really does not protect robust political discourse, including political advertising; and that the First Amendment does permit speech codes on college campuses and the punishment of “hate speech”.

That it is acceptable for unions to extract money from their members under threat of job loss and contribute it to democrats; but it is unacceptable to voluntarily contribute money to republicans.

That holding Bill Clinton accountable to the Rule of Law is hate speech; but that Alec Baldwin screaming for the murder of Henry Hyde and his family, Spike Lee suggesting that NRA President Charlton Heston should be shot, and Craig Kilborn soliciting snipers to kill George Bush, are all just funny jokes.

That federal bureaucrats who live in a city and who work in office buildings in Washington are better stewards of the land than private individuals who have lived on the land and worked on the land for generations.

That licensed gun owners, who by definition have never violated the law, pose a greater threat to society than criminal gun owners, who by definition routinely violate the law; and thus the way to reduce gun violence in society is to pass more gun control laws that only law-abiding gun owners will obey.

That the entire Bill of Rights protects individual liberties against encroachment by the federal government; but that the Second Amendment alone was put into the Bill of Rights in order to protect the rights of the government.

That, although alcohol was smuggled in the country by criminals despite Prohibition, and although drugs are smuggled into the country by criminals despite the War on Drugs; not a single firearm will ever be smuggled into the country by criminals during a prohibition against firearms.

That a gun in the hands of a law-abiding American poses a terrible threat to our children, but that selling nuclear weapons to an enemy that has threatened to use them against us does not.

That individual responsibility does not exist; that when a person who intentionally smoked cigarettes every day for most of his life dies of cancer, the fault lies with the cigarette company; and that when a drug dealer uses a black-market gun to shoot a rival in a drug deal, the fault lies with the gun manufacturer and not with the criminal.

That America should be re-organized around Gore’s “central organizing principle” of environmental protection; and that America should abandon the “central organizing principles” contained in the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights.

That the Democratic Convention booing Boy Scouts represents tolerance; but that the Boy Scouts of America upholding traditional values constitutes intolerance.

That it is a legitimate function of government to extract money from lawful private businesses, or even force those businesses into bankruptcy, through the threat of taxpayer financed lawsuits.

That the memorization of facts is bad for school children, and that it is more important for them to develop character; but that character is irrelevant for a President, and that the best qualification for a President is the ability to memorize and regurgitate arcane facts.

That it was inexcusable for Nixon to try to have the Internal Revenue Service audit his critics; but that it is proper for the Internal Revenue Service under Clinton to actually audit his critics.

That there are just as many people climbing in leaky boats to flee from Florida to Cuba, as there are who climb into leaky boats to flee from Cuba to Florida; because there is a moral equivalency between the socialist/Marxist political system of Cuba, and the Constitutional republic of the United States.

That the only reason socialism and collectivism have always led to poverty, misery, and totalitarian oppression is simply because the wrong people have always been in charge.

To vote democrat, you must believe that government creates jobs; that life can be made risk-free without cost through a proliferation of lawsuits; that the purpose of the federal government is to educate our children and give us health care and retirement security; that government is always good and benevolent; and that individual Liberty is given to us by government and must be managed by elite politicians.

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