Skip to comments.New Terrorist Alerts by John Cleese (from Monty Python)
Posted on 01/10/2011 9:40:09 AM PST by jessduntno
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed Frances white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
And not to forget the United States. Today their level went from “Bush’s fault.” to “Oh no, not this shit again.”
However, the traditional pepsico Obama logo has been changed to a face palm.
Canada has responded by raising their alert status from “I’m sorry you bumped into me” to “Take off, eh!” Canada has two higher levels of alert status: “CAR!” and “Hockey Fight!”
>>Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “Shell be alright, Mate.” Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!”, “I think we’ll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend”, and “The Barbie is cancelled.”<<
“The Barbie is canceled” has never been reached.
And Now For Something Completely Different...
And in Canada their alert level went from “We’re out of Molson, Time To Panic” to “Everyone Head To Hollywood”
Not even during the Battle of the Coral Sea or when the Japs were trying to invade through New Guinea.
And the Democrats have raised the threat level from “Be careful you don’t offend any particular favored group” to “The Tea Party members are a bunch of violent racists”.
There is some talk of moving the threat level all the way up to “Shutdown of all right-wing talk radio and conservative internet sites”.
I think that they hit it at the end of the movie "On The Beach".
You forgot painting signs on rooftops with arrows pointing south saying “U.S. That Way.”
Nope. Got it in an email.
“On The Beach”, that movie literally gave me nightmares.
That's right. The closest was during WWII, but then they had a "barbie" to welcome Macarthur.