Art Linkletter had a show named "Kids say the darndest things, here are some clips. A laugh a minute.
Posted on 11/09/2011 10:54:25 PM PST by This Just In
The funniest joke in the world:
The Second Funniest Joke ever:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
The Funniest jokes in different countries:
The Funniest Joke in the U.S.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
(Excerpt) Read more at innocentenglish.com ...
Why does Sharon Bialek like tilt steering wheels?
More headroom! NYUK NYUK NYUK
Lol, that’s a good one!
A priest, a minister and a rabbi,a beautiful blonde and a guy with a duck on his shoulder walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
ok that one was funny
The bartender asked me what I wanted, and I said “Surprise me.” So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
German one IS pretty funny!
Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.
“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
“That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda.”
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”
“I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”
Thanks - I’ll need to spend more time there - cute stuff.
At a church retreat several of the adults and older kids were doing charades. My boy wanted to join in instead of going with the little kids - I suppose he was 7 or 8.
He pulls his card, looks at the word, and starts with the charade. Pointing at his pants. (No), belt (no), zipper (no), then he arches his back holding his hands in front of his groin (huhhh???) Frantically starts pointing at his groin again as the timer runs down.
The word was “peephole”!
I felt bad for him, but it was sure fun to see grown adults try to keep from laughing with tears streaming down their faces.
Art Linkletter had a show named "Kids say the darndest things, here are some clips. A laugh a minute.
Love it!
Three girlfriends, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead go into a bar that boasts a bartender that knows every cocktail ever made. The bar has a policy that whoever requests a drink that stumps the bartender, their party drinks free for the night. The girls decide to give it a try. The brunette goes first. “I’ll have an IWW, please.”
“Irish whiskey and water, coming right up.”, he says. Then the redhead goes next. “Give me a C&S, please.”
“Courvoisier and soda, coming right up.”, he replies. “Boy, he IS good, they say.” The blonde says, “I’ll stump him. Give me a 15, please.”
“Hmmm. A 15? Well, I guess you got me, I’ve never heard of a 15, what is it?”
The blonde replies, “Well, duh, a Seven and Seven!”
It wasn’t funny the second time, and the third time the audience booed!
What I’ve never figured out is how a Thermos bottle knows whether to keep the contents warm or cold?
What does it mean when a man is balding on top of his head?
It means that he thinks.
And when he’s balding from the forehead up?
It means that he’s intelligent.
And when he’s balding in both places?
He thinks that he’s intelligent!
Ping
A blonde calls 911:
- My husband swallowed a needle.
- We’ll be there in a few minutes.
Blonde calls back:
- Never mind, I found another one.
A brunette tells a blonde:
- I did a pregnancy test yesterday.
The Blonde:
- Were the questions difficult?
A seal runs into a club.
A Man gets on the train with his son and gives the conductor one ticket. “How old’s your kid?” asks the conductor, and the father says, “He’s four years old.”
“He looks at least twelve to me,” says the conductor, and the father says, “Can I help it if he worries?”
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