Reminded me of this scene in Billy Madison.
Posted on 05/18/2012 7:22:19 PM PDT by floridavoter2
A woman who was bullied mercilessly in high school 25 years ago has gotten some closure from a class reunion page on Facebook.
Lynda Frederick, a graduate of Orange Glen High in Escondido, Calif., in 1987, posted a heartbreaking poem about her experience on her school's 25th class reunion page.
(Excerpt) Read more at news.yahoo.com ...
high school ended 28 years ago for me, the last thing I need to do is worry over anything that happened then.
We need to teach our kids to stand up and be adults instead of letting them see us shriveled up in a ball whining over something that happened decades ago.
All this talk about bullying.....I’m sick of it.
Not the bullying so much as the whining about it.
Look, let’s talk simple human nature. Bullies always have and always will be around. That is a simple fact.
I’ll save millions of people millions of beatings, insults, embarrassments, trips to the shrink, etc. here and now.
Here is all you have to know about bullies, people: They are cowards. This is 100% accurate, 100% of the time.
They...are...cowards.
Know how to stop them? Ridiculously simple. Stand up to them. Challenge them. Get in their faces. Like all cowards, they back down. Every time.
Trust me on this one. If you or your kids didn’t know this, you know it now. From now on, if you have issues with bullying in your life-circle, it’s your own damned fault.
Reminded me of this scene in Billy Madison.
Of course no bold deed (”OK you coward, if you try that again I promise I will cold cock you”) goes unpunished.
Well glad you cleared that up.
You should be a therapist. Better yet, an ambassador.
No - you should be a preacher. People need to hear you teach that all of that stuff about Jesus' compassion is misinterpretation. Jesus would never have been compassionate - there's simply no need. Jesus took nails in his hands to show us we need to stop whining. He hung on the cross, all blood and nailed up, and yelled out, "Hey, wimps, look at me. Am I whining? So shut up, I'm sick of all your weakness. Your weakness is your fault, and I'm not going to accept it anymore."
Yeah, preacher. You'd be great.
Juuuuuust great.
Because, like, you're so tough.
And everything.
I was always very, very small for my age. Luckily, I was “the smart kid”, and that helped a lot....but I’ll tell you that I was never bullied more than once by the same person in my whole life.
Reason: I learned what I wrote above at a very early age. It has served me well. It’s gospel.
I don’t think it’s really getting worse. I think that, finally, the problem is coming out into the open and people are realizing just how serious it is.
Even now, too many people have the attitude that victims of bullies should just learn to shut up and take it, or alternately, stand up to the bully, then bullying wouldn’t be such a problem. Unfortunately, neither of those approaches is acceptable. The kids who shut up and take it end up with serious mental problems. And kids who try to stand up to the bullies often find themselves the targets of escalating abuse.
I don’t mean the BULLY calls your bluff. I mean you get tattled on and then that headache starts, and you can’t play the macho game with those people and get the same results.
Yeah, well, tell ya what......go get your ass kicked and lay it at Jesus’ feet.
Guess bullies aren’t the only cowards. Your attitude is worse than disgusting.
You’re the guy I used to have to go bail out of scrapes.
There are different degrees of bulling. There might be one or two people who pick on another person now and then. But there is a type of bullying that involves a sizable group of people who feed off one another and they target one person. It’s incredibly cruel and destructive. It’s almost impossible to stop it because it’s a group against one person.
People ask the same thing today. Technically WWJD isn’t a good question here. Until the time for the Cross came up, Jesus was always able to walk peacefully through hostile crowds. Jesus’ final instructions to the disciples before being betrayed were to take a couple of swords, and these weren’t for sabre dances. Jesus knew that they would not always have a hatful of miracles to call on like He did. So what would turning the other cheek and walking the second mile mean? I think it would mean to accommodate demanding people as long as the situation did not become unsustainable, or you would have to sin or leave other valid commitments undone. Pushy people and frank bullies aren’t the same thing.
her parents should be ashamed of themselves too, selfish cruel parents beating her and not providing for her.
yes that is right. You have to bully a bully. that is what I told my kids
Met up with a woman I went to school with. She actually goes to reunions I don’t care.
She told me “remember so and so the football player? And so and so the head cheerleader? They come up to you at reunions and talk to you like they knew you in school. Now they are fat and the men are bald”
Funny is it not that time gets its own revenge on bullies.
Utterly ridiculous and uninformed. While kids should certainly be taught to stand up for themselves, there is only so much that one person can do by him/herself. With absolutely no one who’s got your back in these situations, it can rarely get better without support. Many, if not most, victims are totally alone in their battle.
I agree that bullies are cowards, but they usually come in huge groups who single out their prey and can be totally ruthless to the point that the abused may even face physical attacks. When these groups of rabid hyenas go on the attack they turn the whole school against the one student to the point where everyone is afraid to help out the victim. It IS a real problem and no student should have to fear for their physical safety in a school. What can one student do against dozens of others if he/she has no support? Not much.
If it was just a matter of hurting someone’s feelings it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but it’s often much, much worse than that. These kids DO need someone to help them, to step in and stand with them in their struggle.
I can think of worse things than forming a gang of antibullies.
Very true!
Some kids I knew that had bullied me in grade school (which were typically jock on nerd ego trips) mellowed out in their later teens and were not at all unpleasant to meet. I knew only one grim exception and maybe he’s in prison now for all I know.
I remember once in grade school when a kid who had been bullying me, TOLD OFF a group of other kids who were giving me a hard time, and he never bullied me again. I do not know what led to the change of heart from bully to hero and I did not ask — but it’s not impossible.
Yep. Unless they get all of their sycophants to gang up on you and do charming little things like getting everyone in your class to talk about a party to which everyone but you was invited whenever you're present. Unless they sneak in and steal your personal belongings, destroy them, and leave them hanging on a fence. Unless they threaten to follow you until they get you in a secluded place where they can freely beat the snot out of you.
Yep, standing up to them works every time. Except, that is, when it just encourages them to ratchet up the bullying. Bullies almost always have sycophants who follow their lead. Victims almost always are loners. Bullies need to be told by authorities that their behavior will not be tolerated, and victims need to be encouraged to report such behavior. And the behavior needs to be punished.
I agree 100%!! That was then, this is now. Get over it!
Who WASN”T picked on, teased, whatever in school. Kids can be vicious. It’s a fact of life. PARENTS are called upon to correct it, but then, not now! I am sick of hearing about this.
If someone is being beat up, or anything physical, not just a prank or teasing, then that is beyond bullying, that is assault and the schools need to step in. But even then, it was in school! Once you are an adult, you are expected to understand the fact that kids are stupid and do stupid things. GET OVER IT! What kind of pathetic life must an adult live to wallow in self pity over things that happen in a school?
Had a friend who went to a different school than I did.
This was in the late sixties. She was hyperfocused on a guy who wore suits and suit jackets and a pocket protector and carried a briefcase. He was sorely bullied by kids in his school.
My friend uesed to go on for long periods of time about how discusting this poor soul was. This normally nice woman became an angry vindictive witch.
Years later she was angry because at her HS reunion the guy had not attended but instead wrote a pretty pointed letter telling peoople how much he had suffered in high school. This women three decades later was raging that he was trying to ruin every one’s good time.
No insight. No compassion, me, me, me.
She grew up to be a major leftist. Dropped our 30+ year friendship when Bush won his second term.
Standing up to the lone bully, that almost nobody likes, could well work.
When bullying has gotten organized into a gang, things are dicier.
AMEN !
next year will be my 40th... haven't been to one yet, and still don't want to see any i don't still on a regular basis
No they shouldn’t shut up and take when it is going on. But once they are adults, yes. Like this woman in the article.
ROFL isn’t it the truth!
As an FYI ... I think Columbine-like incidents are almost always a response to the second type of situation, not the first.
Your post was excellent, from start to finish.
The advise that some people give, like "be a man, stand up to your bully", might work in some limited cases. But in general it's naive to the point of being silly.
I was an urban school teacher for quite a few years. I've never seen a bully back down. I'm sure it happens, but I've never seen it. What I have seen is a bully and his "posse" kick a victim senseless until help could arrive.
And what's worse are comments like "there have always been bullies, get used to it." Tell that to the kid laying on the floor with a broken rib (yeah, I saw that too).
I am aware of one case involving a very specific situation where a relative was being bullied by a kid who happened to be the son of a respected local physician. The parents of the victim had a hard time getting anyone at the school to do anything, partly because of the aggressor's family influence in town, etc.
The father of the victim rightly figured that a certain measure would work in this situation that might not work in other cases. He simply called the doctor at his office one day, identified himself, and said that if the bully ever picked on his son again, he was qoing to drive right over to the doctor's office and kill him in front of his patients and staff. Of course, this was a big risk but he figured it wasn't likely there would be any evidence to support a criminal charge against him for making a threat like this.
The bully never showed up in that school again. He was sent to a private school, and the problem was solved. With certain types of parents who have a lot to lose, the most effective thing you can do is convince them that they're dealing with someone who is nuts and has nothing to lose.
Sorry,.I cant agree with you. The bully problem makes life miserable for the kids that are bullied. The so called adults in the schools actuallt participate in it so they too can be cool by picking on the kids. The school administrators should be personally liable for civil damages when they fail to step in to stop it. Then it would stop. Bullying is a terrible terrible thing and you are very wrong to try and diminish the seriousness of the problem
What is terribly different today than 50 years ago, is racial violence and crime, as bullying in public schools.
“Know how to stop them? Ridiculously simple. Stand up to them. Challenge them. Get in their faces. Like all cowards, they back down. Every time.”
Doing so will get kids suspended or expelled from school these days.
“From now on, if you have issues with bullying in your life-circle, it’s your own damned fault.”
Must be nice to live in such a simple world.
Sorry, but no. Bullying in school is very much like being harassed as an adult (only worse, because adults can handle things mentally that young people can't).
Suppose that someone starting calling your work, repeatedly, and spread rumors about you. Maybe they told your supervisor that you were some sort of pervert. And maybe they made calls to your house, laughed, then hung up. And maybe called the electric company and cancelled your service. And threw garbage on your lawn, again and again. And a million other things to make your life miserable.
And maybe this went on for months and months and months. You, my FRiend, are being bullied as an adult. Should you just get over it, once it stops? Or would it - sadly - become a part of you?
Sorry for being so harsh here. But as I said on an earlier post, I was once an urban school teacher. I've seen a lot of bullying that left permanent mental scars.
you can take it a step further and say a group of kids attack their victim and the victim has a weapon and kills of one the attackers, you have the Trayvon situation all over again.
I was big for my age in high school. I saw a kid in school getting picked on every day. One day a group of kids were knocking his books out of his hands. He would pick them up and they would do it again. I stepped in the middle and squared off with one of the kids. Without giving him a second I punched him in the stomach. He ended up on his butt gasping for air. Then got up and left. I saw him later during the school day and told him if anyone picks on that kid again I was going to come after him. He showed me the knuckle marks I left in his stomach which I thought was pretty neat. If I could do that in 9th grade then adults that run the schools can also solve the problem.
I was big for my age in high school. I saw a kid in school getting picked on every day. One day a group of kids were knocking his books out of his hands. He would pick them up and they would do it again. I stepped in the middle and squared off with one of the kids. Without giving him a second I punched him in the stomach. He ended up on his butt gasping for air. Then got up and left. I saw him later during the school day and told him if anyone picks on that kid again I was going to come after him. He showed me the knuckle marks I left in his stomach which I thought was pretty neat. If I could do that in 9th grade then adults that run the schools can also solve the problem.
I was big for my age in high school. I saw a kid in school getting picked on every day. One day a group of kids were knocking his books out of his hands. He would pick them up and they would do it again. I stepped in the middle and squared off with one of the kids. Without giving him a second I punched him in the stomach. He ended up on his butt gasping for air. Then got up and left. I saw him later during the school day and told him if anyone picks on that kid again I was going to come after him. He showed me the knuckle marks I left in his stomach which I thought was pretty neat. If I could do that in 9th grade then adults that run the schools can also solve the problem.
Boy you people just don’t get it. Stop hatin’ on me and listen.
So you were ganged up on? Ever ask yourself why? Hell, I was ganged up on. I knew why.
What matters is how you deal with it.
Let me tell you what 99% of you have missed here. Did you see any words from me about ‘throwing hands’? I can count on one hand and have fingers left over the number of times I had to do that (but I never lost when I did, damn it).
It’s about ATTITUDE. How you carry yourself. I challenged those who challenged me. I didn’t say “Oh yeah? Meet me behind the school at 4” or any of that sophomoric crap.
It’s all about standing up to them as a PERSON, a human being who is NOT afraid or intimidated by them.
If it is a group with a “leader”....of course, you go straight for that leader in front of their peeps. Full view. Take ‘em on....and again, notice I’m not talking about taking a swing or inviting one.
Are there really that many weak-willed people in this country?????? It’s determination and lack of fear that makes them back down. Ironically, many times those same bullies wanted to be my friend afterward. I’ll let you guess why.
Finally just saw your #2 reply....and by now, you see I totally agree with you. Of course, I’m being gutted on this thread for stating it in a different way (your focus on how to deal with it later; mine on how to deal with it when encountering it).
God bless.
I am for that, but without the asanine prosecutor afterward.
Solves the problem, both with the little thugs and the non parents that let them be thugs.
It really is. It has served me well through the decades. Scroll up a tad and see why.
I was terrified. I never experienced anything like this before. And I had not yet made any friends at school and felt completely alone and I didn’t know what to do. So I decided to ignore them and their threats.
But as soon as I left school to walk home, these two girls confronted me, along with just about all the other kids in the school who got wind of the fight. One of the girls pushed me into the other girl who then punched me in the arm and threw me to the ground.
I’m a little hazy about what happened next but I recall being very angry and getting up and swinging my book bag into one gal’s mid section, knocking her to the ground, and then swinging hard and landing a hard punch to the face of the other girl and giving her a bloody nose and fat lip. I do recall the gasps and then the cheers of the other kids, a lot whom had been bullied by these two. I’d never in my young life had ever been in a fight before and didn’t know I had it in me.
A teacher came along and broke up the fight, that I was winning and we all went to the principal’s office and our parents were called.
That night I explained to my parents, especially my dad about what had happened. My dad had experienced something similar when he started school as a newly arrived immigrant to America when he was bullied for “talking funny”.
My parents told me that regardless of what these girls said, that I should have gone to a teacher, but my father also told me that I was right to stand up and to defend myself and he was proud of me for doing so under the circumstances and when he met with the principal the next day, he said the same to her and I didn’t get suspended.
The next day one of the two girls, the one who punched me, came to me and said something to effect of “I respect you, you’re tough and I want to be your friend”. I told her “I don’t what to fight you, and I don’t what to be your enemy, but sorry, I don’t want to be your friend”.
But I made lots of other friends and neither of these two girls nor anyone else ever messed with me again. I actually ended up feeling sorry for the girl who punched me up and eventually became friends with her some years later during high school – she had a very bad home life, lot’s of horrible abuse and neglect; but she rose above all that and eventually pulled herself up and became a totally different person as she got older. Last I heard from her she had gotten a college degree and became a pharmacist¸ had gotten married and had a few kids. Last I heard the other girl was serving time in prison for various charges including assault and battery.
Sometimes that's not the whole solution. But you do bring up an excellent point! A strong attitude goes a long, long way. And by "strong attitude", I mean a look-'em-in-the-eye sense of self-confidence. I'm sure you meant the same thing.
It's something that children should be taught at an early age. Certainly before they get to high school!
No they don't. I was small as a kid and had to learn to fight. I had to fight several times though jr high and high school.
I still unreservedly hate bullies.
Wow. Thank you. Said it better than I or anyone else here could.
It’s really true, and definitely carries into adulthood. I could expand on that here, but it would take too long and would divert the discussion....but you are absolutely, positively correct.
Yes...but how often did you have to fight the same guy twice?
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