Posted on 12/02/2012 7:21:17 AM PST by SeekAndFind
The “evangelical” church I went to in high school and college extolled these four points (mentioned in the quoted article) for “single people” (both men and women) —
– Learning to love herself and accept her self-worth
– Time to become her own person
– Benefit of knowing who she is
– Experiencing life as her own complete person
As a result, there was very little serious courtship and marriage going on within that age cohort (late teens/early to mid twenties). The “Evangelical Christian” culture of the time (many of its books were sold at our local college Bible bookstore) placed heavy emphasis on “the gift of singleness” and only very light mention, if any, on the importance of marriage and child rearing. This was the late 1970s - early 1980s.
In order for this to be feasible, the education system must be dismantled and children should be taught to be mature and responsible, and educated and trained well enough to be able to support themselves. Now we have people being students until they are in their thirties, and when they finally graduate, they still can’t make a living.
It’s tough today. There aren’t as many good people out there and there hasn’t been for 25 or 30 years. If you don’t find that person by 25 or maybe 30 it gets real tough, real fast.
I was one of the ones who tried but what I mostly ran into was crap. It’s easy to be down on yourself till I realized that for most women today in the first half of their lives, for all the talk and bluster, they wouldn’t have married most men of their grandfather’s or great-grandfathers generation, simply because they wouldn’t have considered them men, or someone worth pursuing.
Most today are self-centered financial predators looking for the best deal they can get. Their vision of what a man should be is so far from the mark that it’s not worth pursuing. There’s only so much baggage and screwed up ideas in a person that you can tolerate before you have to say ‘no deal.’ I find most potentially interesting women today downright offensive.
And seeing some of the guys today, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for the women too. All I can say is if you find the special person, latch on and don’t let go.
My wife has now gotten to that age where she needs to be ironed.
My feelings are it's a mixed bag. When younger you are more distracted by basically everything.
Older...more experience and hopefully more stable but the big one...you die earlier and likely have less energy
But you can make up for the energy by communicating with them to train them and enrich them how to grow up to be men or ladies and today prepare them for the inevitable politics by other means that lies ahead. I spend all my free time with my last 3 or their mommy
Myself...I would have never been faithful to women as a young man. I realized that and put it off.
But it does have a price.
For someone like me, marrying early 30s with a mid 20s gal is about perfect.
But to each his own.
My folks married at 23 and for life faithfully.
My grandparents and so forth even younger and most often stayed true.
Today is a different and in many ways worse world.
Beware.
For a lot of couples (not all) “happily married” is oxymoronic
Or to the point where it would be difficult for a young woman to find a man who hasn't had 20 sexual partners by age 25.
Societies fail if they believe in a delayed marriage. If the US falls into this trap it will go the way of Europe - lower birthrates, increased immigration, and increased Islamization.
You make some truly great points.
“My advice now is, find someone good enough as soon as possible and make it work.”
You have to hae something to work with. Personally, I’m not looking for anything that’s diseased and covered with tats and piercings; ridden hard and put away wet at a minimum.
It’s the reality we face in many cases. I pass.
A good post.
If we stop romanticizing a perfect life and “happy searching for your self” for years as a singleton, more people would get married. This would lower the divorce rate long term, probably boost the birth rate AND shift a lot of single people to conservative (because single women tend Democrat while married tend Republican).
It’s marriage that is supposed to make you “complete”, you don’t get “complete” on your own.
Right, but the church/Evangelical Christian culture was pushing the idea that you had to become "complete" on your own, before you could get married. You had to be "perfect" in order to be married. How could anyone, male or female, ever be perfect enough?
Or they decide maybe going gay isn't so bad, at least they get some that way.
While I am joking, but then again, there may very well be a grain of truth in that statement.
That is as clear and accurate a synopsis that can be written on this subject.
Bravo!
Of course, guys usually tend to overstate those numbers.
Wow, the range of emotions on this topic is fascinating!
To all those who are in successful marriages, congratulations!
To the poster who made the ugly comment that women are peak at 20 and ‘downhill’ after that, wow! Just wow! Some narrow thinking there dude. Try meeting and having a heartfelt conversation with one of us ‘older and mature’ women, you might gain some much needed insight.
I can speak from experience on the topic this article address. Being young and single in the decadent 80’s was something I wouldn’t wish on my children. It was ALL about the stupid Cosmo magazine and the garbage Helen Gurly Brown was pushing and young women ate that sh** up. We were so sure that we on the cutting age of what ‘hip’ was...some were living together, postponing marriage and so convinced we could ‘have it all’.
There were no realistic guidelines to what made a successful relationship, it was all about being free and single. We were so sure our version of free love was superior to those of the 60’s. As a result, we floundered about just going with the flow of working, living on our own, or not, meeting and dating all the other lost souls of our time.
My ex and I did chose to live together before marriage, much to my parents horror! Speaking only for myself, yes, it does give you that freedom to walk away. Even then we were told of the statistics of divorce being higher of those who lived together. Sadly, it proved to be true in our case.
What I witness currently, is my children and their peers are far more interested in finding a mate earlier and enjoying a stronger marriage then some of their parents had.
Now divorced and in my ‘50’s’ it is a very strange land in regards to dating again. Sometimes frustrating yet always interesting.
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