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An American Divorce Agreement
email | 12-12-12 | An American Law Student

Posted on 12/13/2012 11:49:39 AM PST by Slyfox

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley MacLaine. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors..

17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right. With affordability reforms needed.

18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Bay Ya," or "We Are the World".

20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

Sincerely,
An American Law Student

P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: vanity

1 posted on 12/13/2012 11:49:43 AM PST by Slyfox
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To: CAluvdubya

Your welcome.


2 posted on 12/13/2012 11:50:43 AM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: Slyfox

I think Civil War is quite possible.


3 posted on 12/13/2012 11:51:40 AM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Slyfox

I fully agree on all points save for the first one dealing with the division of land mass.

The lefties can have those portions colored “blue” in the election returns. After all, they don’t give a smelly Obama about the red parts - so we’ll take them.

Given that lefties couldn’t produce anything beyond meaningless drivel, we’ll sit back and watch them starve. Gladly.


4 posted on 12/13/2012 11:55:00 AM PST by Da Coyote
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To: Da Coyote
The lefties can have those portions colored “blue” in the election returns.

By county, right?
5 posted on 12/13/2012 11:58:52 AM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Eagle of Liberty
By county, right?

Interesting, to know that you can drive from coast to coast (east to west) and never leave a red county. Similarly, you can drive from north to south and never leave a red county!

6 posted on 12/13/2012 12:02:24 PM PST by Servant of the Cross (the Truth will set you free)
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To: Da Coyote
The lefties can have those portions colored “blue” in the election returns.

On a county by county basis, not a state by state basis. This is how few counties the left actually carried in Pennsylvania (color scheme reversed to show red for Commies):

7 posted on 12/13/2012 12:03:32 PM PST by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
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To: Servant of the Cross
Nice map.

Kudos to three states for not producing a single cancer cell: Oklahoma, Utah and West Virginia.

8 posted on 12/13/2012 12:10:10 PM PST by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
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To: Slyfox

Secession now.


9 posted on 12/13/2012 12:11:18 PM PST by MachIV
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To: Slyfox

Sounds funny but there is a deep values division in this country that has eroded the reasonable social consensus that made and sustained America. Many people simply want nothing but the most superficial relationship with liberals. A relationship presupposes a modicum of trust. Can never trust an individual who has acquiesced to the wholesale slaughter of innocent human life. If such a person can contort their conscience to accept such barbarity, they are quite capable of any deception or atrocity.


10 posted on 12/13/2012 12:11:18 PM PST by allendale
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To: Servant of the Cross

Every time I see that map of the U.S. Broken down precinct it makes me scratch my head and infer how in the hell did he win and then I remember that he was a sleazy ACORN activist for 10 years who specialized in voter fraud.


11 posted on 12/13/2012 12:11:31 PM PST by jsanders2001
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To: Da Coyote

Putting all the “red” areas of the electoral map into one republic, it would be a nearly contiguous land mass.

Putting the “blue” areas into a separate republic, would result in a badly fragmented “country”, much like the separation of Pakistan from India following the dissolution of the British Empire. Pakistan ended up in two parts, East Pakistan (now Bangladesh) and the Western part, which became simply “Pakistan”. Then there is Kashmir, which has been in dispute between India and Pakistan from the beginning.

The small isolated “blue” countries would have to either become independent republics, or they may always remain in dispute.

That said, I am 100% in favor of a Redeclaration of Independence from Washington, DC, and adoption of a somewhat revised version of the Constitution, leaving out all the populist “Progressive” amendments like direct election of Senators, Prohibition, and the right for the Federal government to levy income taxes or create a Federal Reserve.

It would not be an amicable divorce.


12 posted on 12/13/2012 12:11:41 PM PST by alloysteel (Bronco Bama - the cowboy who whooped up and widened the stampede.)
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To: allendale
A divorce as in a separation of 'wheat and tares'?

What a toasty idea.

13 posted on 12/13/2012 12:14:19 PM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

The left wouldn’t let people live free without demanding that the government use force to re-subjugate them.

They won’t ever admit it (except that they did in Michigan), that, given a choice, productive people will not choose leftism but will choose freedom,

and the dependent people will choose to be taken care of.

If allowed to “sort themselves out”, the blue areas would end up with all the people with their hands out and with no people producing anything to put into those hands, because they will have moved to the free states.


14 posted on 12/13/2012 12:17:57 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: MrB

Spain 1936-1939.


15 posted on 12/13/2012 12:20:11 PM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

If they ever achieve the power to do so,
the left, without hesitation, would

EXTERMINATE

those that disagree with them.


16 posted on 12/13/2012 12:22:17 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: jsanders2001
how in the hell did he win and then I remember that he was a sleazy ACORN activist for 10 years who specialized in voter fraud.

That's right. The ACORNers did not simply vanish - they worked the polls. The administration of The BFLAN had enough time to prepare their workers with help from Soros' money. They targeted the specific counties in order to accomplish massive voter fraud. And, there were 10,000 lib lawyers on retainer to snuff out any small fires that might ignite if the GOP got a little testy.

The fix was in way before the conventions took place.

17 posted on 12/13/2012 12:24:03 PM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: Vigilanteman

To see how concentrated the Dem vote is, look at three states: NV, WA, and OR. Obama carried all three, but winning only winning a few counties in each state.


18 posted on 12/13/2012 12:24:21 PM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
When I read this description of Daleks, I couldn't help but think of leftist/democrats:

The Daleks are a powerful race bent on universal conquest and domination, utterly without pity, compassion or remorse. Various storylines portray them as having had every emotion removed except hate, leaving them with a desire to purge the Universe of all non-Dalek life. Collectively they are the greatest enemies of the series' protagonist, the Time Lord known as the Doctor. They are popularly known for their catchphrase "Exterminate!" and are a well-recognised reference in British popular culture, listed in several major dictionaries.

19 posted on 12/13/2012 12:25:01 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: jsanders2001

The penalty should be a firing squad. There is no greater crime against the Republic than voter fraud.


20 posted on 12/13/2012 12:26:35 PM PST by bert ((K.E. N.P. N.C. +12 .....The fairest Deduction to be reduced is the Standard Deduction)
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To: Servant of the Cross

Thomas Jefferson:
“I view great cities as pestilential to the morals, the health, and the liberties of man.”


21 posted on 12/13/2012 12:27:25 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Slyfox

I posted something similar to my Facebook page a few weeks ago and my lefty, homosexual cousin responded he was fine with this agreement as long as the conservative side takes ‘Jesus-land’.

I said we’ll take Jesus-land and then continuing with a sarcastic stance, added: as long as you take the Religion of Peace since they are so much more tolerate of your sexual lifestyle.

He did not respond.


22 posted on 12/13/2012 12:34:39 PM PST by Le Chien Rouge
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

Obama won California by 3 million votes, and the presidency by less than 4 million. If California alone (or only coastal California, including LA, SFO, Oakland, Marin County) leaves the union, we would have a competitive national election.


23 posted on 12/13/2012 12:38:43 PM PST by laconic
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To: Le Chien Rouge
"Jesus Land" also known as the Bible Belt and The Heartland.

Alrighty then, "Jesus Land" goes to our side.

24 posted on 12/13/2012 12:38:58 PM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: jsanders2001

Its also the Big City syndrome. Many big cities have large populations which negate the votes of many other counties. They also vote overwhelmingly democrat.


25 posted on 12/13/2012 12:40:38 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: laconic

I live in CA and yes the state is hopelessly radical left wing. That said, BHO would have still won in both 2008 and 2012 even if CA had voted Republican. CA is crazy left wing yes, but 25 OTHER states voted for Obama as well. The rest of the nation is following our path to hell.


26 posted on 12/13/2012 12:43:02 PM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Servant of the Cross

I say Each county, independent of population, is given ONE electoral vote for President. The winner of each county wins the Electoral vote.


27 posted on 12/13/2012 12:43:48 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Slyfox
They targeted the specific counties in order to accomplish massive voter fraud.

And the Republican Party is so idiotic to not think to look at these works being done in the shadows? I guess that are.
28 posted on 12/13/2012 12:46:58 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Le Chien Rouge
as long as you take the Religion of Peace since they are so much more tolerate of your sexual lifestyle.

Funny but honest.
29 posted on 12/13/2012 12:49:06 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Le Chien Rouge

The left support gays and Islam for the same reason, they both are in opposition to Christian values.
It’s the left’s way of shaking their fist in God’s face.


30 posted on 12/13/2012 12:49:33 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: MrB
The left support gays and Islam for the same reason, they both are in opposition to Christian values.

Yep! The whole enemy of my enemy is my friend. But Saddam would NEVER talk to Osama...the hypocrisy of the liberal mind is amazing!!
31 posted on 12/13/2012 12:55:19 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: allendale
...Many people simply want nothing but the most superficial relationship with liberals...

I don't want even that. If I find that a person is on the left side of the political spectrum I will not even engage him/her on any level. To hell with them.

32 posted on 12/13/2012 1:07:27 PM PST by OldPossum
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To: OldPossum

“to hell with them”

I know it’s un-Christian to feel this way, but apart from the Salvation Army, my charitable giving is way down this year.

Obama is their lord and master; let Obama feed and clothe them and stuff their Christmas stockings with Obama phones. Why should I give my money to organizations that support the people that vote out American values every time ?


33 posted on 12/13/2012 2:05:33 PM PST by A'elian' nation (Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred. Jacques Barzun)
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