Has Bacon Been Banned From the White House?

The Palookaville Post ^ | May 2, 2013 | The Paperboy

[onyx]

Friends and associates of President Barack Hussein Obama who are frequent visitors to the White House have noticed that a certain food item has been removed from the kitchen, and has not been available for some time.

Bacon.

Yes bacon, a food that is loved by 97.5% of all Americans is no longer on the menu for visitors to Obama’s kitchen, and has been quietly banned. No one is sure when it all happened, but bacon has disappeared from the White House.

Press secretary Art Carney, who often dines with President Obama during late night and early morning cover-up meetings, confirmed the abscence of the crispy pork product, saying, “I remember bacon… that was a long time ago.”

Hillary Rodham Clinton, who is currently under a doctor’s care for health issues dealing with her brain, could not recall the last time she shared bacon with the President, and joked, “At this point what does it matter,” while pointing to her ever expanding waistline.

Rodham Clinton, a Wellesley College graduate and former lawyer at the Rose Law firm, real estate investor with Whitewater Development, First Lady of Arkansas, First Lady of the United States, U.S. Senator from New York and U.S. Secretary of State is most famous in Washington D.C. for throwing lavish Arkansas style pig roasting parties at the White House during the 1990′s for her homesick husband Bill Clinton, in an attempt to make “Bubba” feel more at home.

“When George Bush was elected and his family moved into the White House, they had to wait a full week for all the Clinton pork grease to be removed from the kitchen and barbecue grills,” said a White House maintenance worker. “Now my job cleaning the White House stoves, ovens and grills is much easier since pork is no longer served.”

Tha Palookaville Post has learned that not all forms of bacon have been banned from Obama’s White House, and over 108 tons of turkey bacon was consumed by the Obama family and Democrat visitors last year, which helps to verify the old Muslim adage, “You are what you eat.”

Obama family doctors have confirmed that no one in the family is allergic to pork, and the President’s advisers don’t believe he is hiding the hatred of pork products to avoid the same problems that President George H.W. Bush had after he openly expressed his distaste for broccoli.

So without President Obama coming out and addressing the pork issue with the American people, the world may never know why bacon has been banned from the first family’s table.

(If you are concerned about the White House bacon ban and its effects on the U.S. pork industry, please call the White House at 202-456-1111, and ask President Obama to explain his aggressive ban on bacon.)

Zeke

[Jacob Kell]

Yeah, but Jews are less rigid about matters such as this. I think Obama may be a cultural Muslim, at least to some degree, but i think that first and foremost he’s basically a secular humanist.

[Venturer]

More likely a Communist Atheist.