Mozzarella is legal, Swiss is illegal. Get thou with the program! (Shown below, mozzarella balls.)
Posted on 01/17/2014 2:15:04 AM PST by Libloather
Police say they have arrested the so-called “Swiss Cheese Pervert,” the man accused of using Swiss cheese to sexually proposition women in the Philadelphia area.
Christopher Pagano was arrested at his home on Noble Street in Norristown on Thursday afternoon as part of a joint investigation between Philadelphia and Norristown Police, officials tell NBC10 Philadelphia.
The 41-year-old has allegedly been spotted driving up to women and asking them if they would like to get paid to see him put Swiss cheese on his genitals.
(Excerpt) Read more at usnews.nbcnews.com ...
Or maybe he has an extra one.
Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place....... Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven’t.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.
(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the shopkeeper)
C: What a senseless waste of human life.
http://www.montypython.net/scripts/cheese.php
This is my favorite excerpt from the sketch:
C: It’s not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district sir!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it’s so clean, sir!
C: It’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
This one is mine, although they’ve seemed to have replaced a line with one that uses the f-word. I’ve replaced it with the word that is used on the DVD, and when it airs on TV, also on YouTube. I don’t recall ever hearing the f-word in this sketch.
C: Camembert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camembert, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It’s ah... it’s a bit runny.
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It’s very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
C: I don’t care how [excrementally] runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)
C: What now?
O: The cat’s eaten it.
C: (pause) Has he?
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Gouda?
O: No.
C: Edam?
O: No.
C: Caithness?
O: No.
Mozzarella is legal, Swiss is illegal. Get thou with the program! (Shown below, mozzarella balls.)
I think the F-word version may be on the record album (Matching Tie and Handkerchief, as I recall). If not, it would seem to have occurred in the Live at the Hollywood Bowl version, but I don’t recall that sketch having been performed there. They certainly used it in that performance’s version of the albatross bit.
That was actually my favorite line of the entire sketch. I wouldn’t have thought it nearly as funny with the f-word.
“I don’t care how [excrementally] runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.”
Must be a big hunk of Swiss he’s working on.
:sweet smile:
Only if it's fondue!
Oh man, you’ve got me craving Boccaccini now.
This being Philly, shouldn’t he have used Provolone, American, or Cheez-Whiz?
Swiss cheese pervert served on a scary ass cracker?
Mental illness is hilarious sometimes.
I was thinking about driving around offering to pay the ladies to watch them put limburger on mine... but I don’t drive and I don’t have any money, and worst of all, I don’t have any limburger.
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