Posted on 09/29/2001 10:47:10 AM PDT by Cagey
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
If there is a chain link fence in a scene. A car is going to be driven through it .
Amazing how a bad guy gets hit in the jaw over and over and still has his teeth and the knuckles on the both good guy and bad guy never swell up.
Or how the cars in a scene are always lined up just perfectly so that a chase is always missing people crossing the street and not flying off the hoods of the chasing cars.
HOw when a pewrson flying out of a winodw or off a building and is supposed to live always manages to land on cardboard boxes that just happen to be there. Or a big trash bin to catch the fall.
And why do they let the bad guy live when they keep having a chance to kill him. It is a sure bet he will pop up and do more damage.
Yes! And if you look close you can see all the tire marks where they practiced the scene a hundred times before they shot it.
It'd be laughable if it didn't look so much like the truth sometimes.
Well I don't like homos and their agenda, and I'll stand up and say it. And I may smoke and listen to country-western all the time, but I'm not your ordinary uneducated hick and I got advanced degrees to prove it if these pansy-a$$es were worth the trouble to talk to... Waste of skin, the lot of 'em, IMO.
/rant
During each car chase, you have to make sure to swerve around the old homeless woman with her cart of cans, or the young woman with the baby stroller.
In the warehouse/harbour districts, businesses buy large quantities of cardboard boxes, which they keep stacked up in a large pile out back, unused, until the hero needs to get off the roof, or drive through them.
One thing I love about the movie "The Replacement Killers" is that the guns all run out of bullets at realistic intervals. There are lots of scenes of the heros/villains reloading, frequently.
And when the good guy goes marching in to the villain's most heavily guarded lair, he does it with about 14 guns strapped to his body. When one runs out of bullets, he simply drops it and grabs another -- it's faster and more reliable than reloading.
The film also violates another movie cliche: The woman he ends up on the run with (Mira Sorvina) turns out to be just as tough and competent as he is (no more, no less).
You must not have looked far enough. Paintings #10 and #12 both show garters:
http://www.lileks.com/institute/frahm/art10.html
http://www.lileks.com/institute/frahm/art12.html
(Maybe it wasn't obvious, but the first page was just an intro -- click on it to proceed through the "celery art gallery")
Top gore movie of all time, hands down -- "Dead Alive" (1992), a very early film in the career of director Peter Jackson (yes, the same guy who's doing the upcoming "Lord of the Rings" films).
Shot on what looks like a budget of about fifty bucks, it starts out just being a grade Z cheesy horror flick, but stick with it. The gore and over-the-top, I-can't-believe-they-did-that stuff just keeps reaching higher and higher peaks. By the time you figure they can't top themselves, they do, then do it again another two dozen times.
Make sure you rent (or buy -- I have it on DVD) the Unrated version instead of the R-rated version.
The folks at the Internet Movie Database give it an average 7.3 out of 10. That's clearly for the "oh wow!" factor, since it couldn't possibly be for the acting or the plot. :-)
Believe it or not, I actually saw this happen in real life once.
I was driving through an intersection not long after the light had changed, and I heard a loud *CRUNCH* noise to my right. I turned my head to look out the side window just in time to see a mid-sized car pirouette through the air as gracefully as a ballerina, no farther than fifteen feet from my car. At the time I saw it, no part of the car was touching the ground, the lowest part of the car (the rear edge of the trunk) was at least two feet off the ground.
Of course, it quickly made an ungraceful landing... It ended up resting on the roof, and the driver (a middle-aged woman) was left dangling from her seat upside down, since she had her seat belt on. I stuck around to help (okay, and to gawk) as rescue workers quickly arrived and sawed the car apart so they could extract her easily.
The funny thing is that none of the cars involved had been going over 30 miles per hour. The woman's car ran a red light coming out of a convenience store parking lot, right into the path of our oncoming traffic, and managed to get hit just right to flip the car like a tiddly-wink.
If you think that's bad, notice how many of them don't have a rear view mirror...
Whenever a scene is shot such that the camera is looking into the car from over the hood, so that you can see the faces of the driver and passenger, it's common for the rear view mirror to be removed so that it doesn't clutter up the shot.
LOL -- I swear, just as I was typing this, there was a commercial on TV (the one where the guy is letting his dog drive his truck), and sure enough, the rear view mirror was absent.
In the film "Vertical Limit", the rescue helicopter lands in the middle of nowhere on a snowy mountainside to ask a crazy hermit-like mountain climber to assist in the rescue -- and the helicopter clearly lands on top of another set of helicopter skid marks in the snow...
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