26 Things the Movies have taught us (Thread Two)

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Billie]

Where's Billie, now that we need her?

It's SOOOOOOO nice to be needed! :^) (Sorry I missed the gun and teddy bear post until just now and don't have time to do it.) :^(

[Snow Bunny]

You are so right Billie. They wake up with their hair looking wonderful and makeup not smeared or anything.. Good one !!!

[BillyBoy]

If it is a horror film, all the "teenage" characthers will appear to be in the late 20s or early 30s ( as pointed out in 'Scary Movie')

If the film is a courtroom drama, the defendant will always be innocent, the defence lawyer will always be a heroic, young, and principled guy who takes the case for free, and racism/sexism/homophobia/other bigortry will be the reason why the defendant was framed (exception: courtroom drama is about mob/mafia characthers)

In an action movie, woman in their 20s or 30s are always married to a muscular guy in his late 50s (ususally played Arnold Swartzenegger or Harrison Ford), and he always has young children who are kidnapped. Also, all the characthers act like his hair is real.

[Elvis van Foster]

Every movie made with a truly right-wing perspective will be a howling success. Because it's so damn rare.

[steve-b]

In the old Superman TV show, the villians would shoot at Superman, he'd stand there as the bullets bounced off, the villians would thrown their guns at him in disgust, and he'd duck.

[steve-b]

Speaking of bathrooms, where does Porthos go between planetside visits?

[steve-b]

The hero will always go back to help the villain from losing his grip and falling off a cliff only to have the villain yank him over and then climb up himself.

"I've... had... enough... of... YOU!"

[Lou L]

All martial artists, e.g., Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, et al, make "swishing" noises with their arms and legs while executing a manuever.

("Swishing" is the sound generated by one's body part moving quickly through the air.)

[PLMerite]

Hey, you want a great glood-n'-bore movie, check out 3000 Miles to Graceland.

There's something irresistable about four guys dressed like Elvis shooting up a casino with automatic weapons.

That, and Courtney Cox half-naked...

[PLMerite]

I never watch the show myself - do they ever show homosexual men dying of AIDS, or would that get in the way of their fun?

[Paul Atreides]

AIDS is always supposed to be wiped out in the future. But it is funny that the tolerant world of Gene Roddenberry never features a swishy hairdresser or a drag queen. I guess they are as much aberrations in the Star Trek universe as they are in our's.

[Skywalk]

That was one of the great ones. ST III

"Malz, CHOI CHOO!"

[freedumb2003]

abandoned factories are always powered up awaiting the flip of a switch by either our hero or villian. Facttories in general, abandoned or not, are never guarded.

[Consort]

If you knock down a murderer or a monster, never finish him off. Always turn your back on him so that he can get up and kill you. Also, if you are calling for help on a phone, never face in the direction of the danger.

[Merdoug]

When doorlocks must be closed in an emergency, SOMEONE will always be too slow to escape and be trapped behind.

[freedumb2003]

When trapped by an evil monster, it is IMPERATIVE that the entire group SPLIT UP into 1's and 2's to go and do things the group could do together and stay safe (think Alien, Hollow Man, Blair Witch, etc.)

[Nevernow]

Yeah I thought about that one...but in a starship you need to be able to move around constantly, and half the people don't have seats anyway. But it did always make me wonder that they went with their shields down when they knew that the Klingons and Romulans were shooting at them with torpedos and then sorta gripped onto the nearest control panel or the captain gripped the arms of the seat and they only had constipated looks on their faces. I liked it when occasionally there was bloodshed...but then I am most likely a sick individual.