26 Things the Movies have taught us (Thread Two)

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Cagey]

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

[Paul Atreides]

When she first came to the series she had an ex-lover from Africa visit. She ran and jumped into the guy's arms and kissed him like he was the last guy on Earth. I guess she was just faking it.

[RandallFlagg]

Nobody EVER listens nor heeds the words, "Let's get the hell outta here," if it's spoken in the first 30 minutes of the movie. Anytime after that, it's too late and the toast-burning shall be underway.

[He Rides A White Horse]

Captain Kirk and several crew members beam down to the surface of a previously-unknown planet.

.......and the one you never saw before is gonna die.

[mercy]

If it's a murder mystery and you see a minister or cleric or especially an evangelist in the first ten minutes ... he did it.

[Paul Atreides]

And notice on horror movies by the end the survivor always knows what the monster was all about. He never says "I have no idea where that thing came from!". It is always, "It was borne out of our hate for one another and it took our love to destroy it."

[RandallFlagg]

Monsters that slowly shamble along can outrun ANYTHING!

[gwmoore]

I don't know if this has been posted before but here goes:

In all explosions, it is possible to outfly/outrun/outdrive the expanding shockfront (if you are the good guy).

Variation 1:The thermodynamics of a heat pulse are not applicable if you are the good guy in a movie.

Keep the faith for freedom

MAY GOD BLESS AND PROTECT THIS HONORABLE REPUBLIC

Greg

[Paul Atreides]

I would like to know how many times are they gonna kill that Borg Queen?!!!!!! In every encounter they kill her only to have her pop back up again!

In science fiction all enlightened races worship a goddess instead of a god. Also, female dominated societies are acceptable but male dominant societies are an affront.

[maxwell]

Haha, for that matter, no matter what time period the story is set in, everybody talks and thinks 21st century... Laughable values transplant and sense of judgment... Ever notice how anachronistic this turns out to be for, oh, say, early American flicks... Case in point: the mangling of the Swamp Fox story in Patriot, because all this crap about Jefferson supposedly knocking up his slave-girls was hitting the tabloids about then... The real Swamp Fox was purportedly rocking the swamp a bit more hardcore... Nobody's coming out of the woodwork claiming to be ol' Marion whatsit's long-lost descendent.

[Paul Atreides]

The hero will always go back to help the villain from losing his grip and falling off a cliff only to have the villain yank him over and then climb up himself. The villain has killed dozens of people and has spent most of the movie trying to kill the hero and the hero decides to show some of that "compassion" drivel!!! Look where it gets him too!

[Deb]

"...the one you never saw before is gonna die"

Pre-1990: If he's black

Post-1990: Never if he's black

[maxwell]

Yeah I watch it a couple times a year, and the season finale happened to be one of those times... What a crock of ponypoop. If I wanted lessons on fag tolerance I'd stick my head up my a$$. I never cared for ER much before and this just put the proverbial icing on the cake. Notice, too, that the potential object of unenlightened intolerance is the woman with the physical handicap... Chaps my a$$ that she was harassing that one dude about firing the dyke shrink because of her sexual perversion, despite all his citations of her insubordination... Then on the premiere he's nice to her and doesn't blab her story to the rest of the staff, and she's like, "Doh!" What a b!tch.

/rant

[mercy]

Any movie in the "Pulp Fiction" vein will go so far out of their way to avoid ANY of these 'reasons' that they will be unbelievable commedies that will make you hate yourself for sitting through all the blood and gore.

[mercy]

Any well written movie will have at least one seeming plot inconsistency that forces you to watch the movie two or three times to pick through it. It doesn't matter if the inconsistency is resolved or not.

[roughrider]

Steven Segal will take on a small army in a bar or Third World convenience store, leaving all of them writhing on the floor screaming, which is why I call him Steven "Leave 'Em Screamin'" Segal.

[Paul Atreides]

LOL! Female security officers on Star Trek!! They can all take down a 6'6" Klingon yet they are no bigger than the average supermodel. That show is so P.C.!

[maxwell]

Hey, you want a great glood-n'-bore movie, check out 3000 Miles to Graceland. I thought it would be cheesy, especially with Courtney "Ohmigawd I chipped a nail!" Cox in it, and it does have alot of the aspects mentioned in the above thread, but when all's said and done there's nothing quite as exhilarating as seeing that much fire and blood plastered all over... Kevin Costner usually annoys me but he had the evil mastermind tragic black-clad figure thing going on here and he makes a good Elvis after all...

[mercy]

Your 43. Unless the actress is Sharon Stone who just loves to brandish those guns.

[mercy]

Of all the postings so far yours is the ONE undeniable absolute gospel truth in ALL MOVIES. Unless of course the good Indians need some bad indians to whack.

[Aeronaut]

Cars always launch into the air when they hit a car hard enough.

Also, the cars are required to roll in the air 360 degrees.