26 Things the Movies have taught us (Thread Two)

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Cagey]

Speaking of Silk stockings, Dan posted the celery art on post #54. They have to be silk, I would think. I couldn't find the celery.

[Storm Orphan]

No one can withstand Captain Kirk's flying leg kick.

If you punch a guy and he takes the time to notice the trickle of blood from his lip, you're gonna get whooped.

Sharks take things personally.

[maxwell]

Any hip feminista toughminded gorgeous loudmouthed 20-something chick is always smarter than the guys, always right, and always ends up saving everybody else's a$$. Any man with cahones who tries to tell her where to shove it will turn out to be an evil twisted b@st@rd who's trying to thwart enlightened progressive thinking.

[Paul Atreides]

Also, the one about to be killed has a dream of seeing the ocean, the Eiffel Tower, etc. You know when he talks about getting back and fulfilling his lifelong dream or seeing his sweetie, with who he had a fight (which is always his fault) he is going to get killed in the next five minutes.

Rich people always have portraits of themselves by Andy Warhol hanging in their houses.

People on television always have a rich relative who will die and leave them money when they are in a jam. Or they will have some friend/relative who is loaded to loan them thousands of dollars just by writing a check.

All tv parents are ex-hippies even though they were two years old during the Age of Aquarius once you do the math.

All kids age 5 years between the season finale and the season premiere.

Everyone has plenty of money, expensive clothes, a great car but no visible evidence of having a job.

On television, everyone's bosses let them get by with goofing off, talking about their problems, and taking off work on the spur of the moment to do personal stuff.

In science fiction there is always one alien race that is the "warrior race" and one that is the snooty "enlightened race" and humans who are regarded as the flotsam of the universe.

In science fiction everyone will wear jumpsuits.

[Paul Atreides]

Notice when people who are pursued into their own homes will not stop to fully close and lock the door. They will run upstairs, try to call the police on a dead phone with their back to the bedroom door, which is not locked either.

[RandallFlagg]

Most movie heros are portrayed as liberal, democratic nice folks.

Except in "South Park" where they're usually eaten, grinded into pulp, or butchered by the townsfolk.

[Storm Orphan]

Anyone can land an airplane.

[Paul Atreides]

Also, anytime a white guy is trying to help ghetto youth it is really because he is recruiting them to sell drugs to other ghetto youth.

Rich people have nothing better to do than beat up homeless people.

[Deb]

You forgot to add...she turns into a weepy baby-doll after she kisses the leading man.

[Viktra]

not only are they handy with all those weapons, but they never have to reload! Hollywood needs to outfit our soldiers with those kinds of guns!

[He Rides A White Horse]

26 Things the Movies have taught us

That I should keep my money in my pocket 99 times out of a 100, as it usually ends up in the hands of some simpering, left wing America hater.

[Deb]

Not very true-to-life, where's the garter belt?

[Paul Atreides]

LOL! Also notice everyone in the South has hyphenated first names: Joe-Bob, Billy-Bob, etc. And there is always the eccentric rube in the mix. It is usually a crazy uncle or guy running around town with paranoid schizophrenia. All Southern women are portrayed as vapid ding-a-lings and all Southern men have a pot belly and want to lynch strangers or minorities.

Minorities are never wrong in charges of racism. All whites, when charged with racism, ultimately do some soul-searching and realize that they didn't know they were racists all along.

[maxwell]

Yeah but he's still whipped... She always gets the absolute last word after indulging her feminine needs and all that sh$t...

[Rocko]

"A woman pursued by a monster or other undesirable will always fall down while running away."

Or just watch, cowering in fear, while the males fight the monster; that's what made Signourney Weaver in "Alien" so refreshing -- Ripley fought back.

[Paul Atreides]

No matter what timeframe the heroine is born into, she is a feminist. She can be born into the most oppressive time imaginable but she is seen bossing the men around and fighting alongside them in battle.

[timm22]

All Oriental people know kung-fu, and all Asian-Americans can speak their native language fluently even if they are fifth generation.

All Hispanics will speak with at least a slight accent, or they will use a Spanish word every two or three sentences to remind the audience that they're Hispanic:

"Hey man, that was some loco driving you did back there. You got some real cojones. Now let's get out of here, mi amigo."

90% of British people are sophisticated, upper class types. The other 10% are thugs with Cockney accents.

A bazooka can instantly destroy any tank with one shot. All infantry anti-tank weapons can blow up a large building.

All military officers act like drill sergeants. Most high ranking officers are psychotic and want to start wars for no particular reason.

In all cabinets/governing boards/councils of elders, there is at least one woman and she is usually the voice of reason.

[GreenHornet]

One of the 3 or 4 basic plots that made up the original "Star Trek" TV series:

Captain Kirk and several crew members beam down to the surface of a previously-unknown planet. They immediately discover that their communicators and phasers no longer work, and they cannot get back to the Enterprise until they manage to locate the main power source on the planet, and knock it out. Fortunately, they always manage to beam down within 50 feet of "the main power source". It's never a case where they, for example, beamed down in Japan, and the main power source is over in Belgium somewhere.

(And as we all know, if a non-regular is part of the landing party, that guy's toast 5 minutes after his arrival on the planet!)

[Paul Atreides]

This is a little off-topic but it relates a little in a way. I quit watching E.R. because every other episode was a homosexual propoganda episode. Well I read what the plot was for the season premiere on Thursday and it made me wonder. Sure enough, they made one of the lead characters, Dr. Weaver, into a lesbian. This is a character that has had two or three male lovers since being on the show. And they were not one night stands, they were passionate love affairs. Suddenly, she is a lesbian. So I would have to add the trendy plotline of making heterosexual characters suddenly come out of the closet out of the blue. I bet they couldn't get by with have a character do a Anne Heche and abandon the homosexual lifestyle!

Needless to say I don't plan to watch any more E.R.

[RandallFlagg]

Yeah, I figured after she got "Boinked" by the guy who played "Kurgen" in Highlander (Clancey Brown) that she'd be pretty much on the straight-and-narrow..