26 Things the Movies have taught us (Thread Two)

a friend | 9-29-2001

[lowbridge]

The south is stuck in a 1950's time warp where segregation still reins and all black people cannot do a damn thing for themselves untill a white liberal comes along to do it for them.

[groanup]

99 out of 100 actors do not have functioning waste elimination systems in their bodies. LOL.

[Dan Day]

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

And yet, immediately after having sex, if the participants need to get out of bed and walk across the room, they're already wearing pajamas.

Variation: Naked women will wrap the bedsheets around themselves to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom, even if the guy is already downstairs in the kitchen.

[Deb]

#11 on the list should be amended to include "celery".

Any fish tank in any movie is doomed.

Hero cars become airborn when they hit parked cars.

"You okay?" is in every movie script ever written.

Villians in planes cannot escape heroes in cars.

You can kiss underwater.

[Mad Dawgg]

BTW anyone see the New Star Trek Series "Enterprise"???

Loved it! First words issued by the new captain to his soon to be Vulcan science officer was a threat to do physical harm which included the word ASS!

heheh I can hera the commercials now... "This ain't your daddy's Star Trek!"

[lowbridge]

Naked women will wrap the bedsheets around themselves to get out of bed

Don't ya just hate it when that happens? :-)

[Dan Day]

People who have been stalked by a psycho killer over a period of days or weeks, will never once think to arm themselves so that they can do more than just scream and run when the inevitable attack finally occurs.

(The rare exception: "Jagged Edge".)

[lowbridge]

bump

[Cagey]

#11 on the list should be amended to include "celery".

Deb, I take it you noticed Dan's art work on the other thread? If not, maybe he can repost the link to this one.

[RandallFlagg]

ALWAYS listen to the crazy guy that runs around town mumbling to himself. He always knows more than everyone else does.

[lowbridge]

bump

[GreenHornet]

During any battle in WW II, all shelling, machine gun fire, explosions, advancing tanks and armored vehicles, and loud noises of any kind suddenly stop when two guys in a foxhole begin having a heart-to-heart talk. At the conclusion of their conversation, a motar shell will hit just outside of the foxhole, and the battle will resume.

[Cagey]

Hurry up, we're on thread two already! I'm sure Mr. SB could add some great stories. LOL!

[Dan Day]

Deb, I take it you noticed Dan's art work on the other thread? If not, maybe he can repost the link to this one.

Here you go: Celery

[Cagey]

Hahahaha! I never realized I could find celery so interesting. I always added salt to flavor. Boy, was I wrong!

[Willie Green]

Kicking men in the gonads never causes permanent physical damage and the movie can be rated "G".

[lowbridge]

All major criminal conspiracies are committed by the CEO's of major multi-billion dollar corporations.

[lowbridge]

All Indians are at one with the earth, have mystical powers and have no familes, only Grandfathers from whom they get all their wisdom and constantly quote.

[Deb]

I didn't see it.

But I almost forgot two of my favorites, that only apply if the script is written by a man or directed by Bob Altman:

No matter how vicious or lethal the male lead is, the female lead will be the sexual aggressor.

and...

No matter the era or time of day...the female lead will wear a black garter belt and silk stockings (Sharon Stone will have a matching demi-bra).

[Nea Wood]

"All blind people can beat the living s*it outta anyone."

And all deaf people are expert lip readers. It doesn't matter if the person they're reading is mumbling while talking on the phone in a phone booth across the street-- in the rain! The deaf person can still make out every word he's saying!

Blind people have special, mysterious abilities (such as heightened senses of smell and hearing) that sighted people don't have. A blind person can identify a perp just from the sound of his footsteps or the smell of his cologne.