Posted on 09/29/2001 10:47:10 AM PDT by Cagey
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
And yet, immediately after having sex, if the participants need to get out of bed and walk across the room, they're already wearing pajamas.
Variation: Naked women will wrap the bedsheets around themselves to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom, even if the guy is already downstairs in the kitchen.
Any fish tank in any movie is doomed.
Hero cars become airborn when they hit parked cars.
"You okay?" is in every movie script ever written.
Villians in planes cannot escape heroes in cars.
You can kiss underwater.
Loved it! First words issued by the new captain to his soon to be Vulcan science officer was a threat to do physical harm which included the word ASS!
heheh I can hera the commercials now... "This ain't your daddy's Star Trek!"
Don't ya just hate it when that happens? :-)
(The rare exception: "Jagged Edge".)
Deb, I take it you noticed Dan's art work on the other thread? If not, maybe he can repost the link to this one.
Here you go: Celery
But I almost forgot two of my favorites, that only apply if the script is written by a man or directed by Bob Altman:
No matter how vicious or lethal the male lead is, the female lead will be the sexual aggressor.
and...
No matter the era or time of day...the female lead will wear a black garter belt and silk stockings (Sharon Stone will have a matching demi-bra).
And all deaf people are expert lip readers. It doesn't matter if the person they're reading is mumbling while talking on the phone in a phone booth across the street-- in the rain! The deaf person can still make out every word he's saying!
Blind people have special, mysterious abilities (such as heightened senses of smell and hearing) that sighted people don't have. A blind person can identify a perp just from the sound of his footsteps or the smell of his cologne.
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