[jmp702]

Some of these are pretty funny

[Calvin Locke]

A FRENCH ... Life is good.

...You take the month of August off. Life is good.

[BunnySlippers]

Haha ... funny. Bump!

[zencycler]

DOLLY PARTON: You have two cows. And your not happy, because that's not what people used to call them.

[gfactor]

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American corporation goes Chapter 11.

Thats why brazil is so much wealthier than america.

[zencycler]

THE AMERICAN DAIRY ASSOCIATION: You don't have any cows, but you help promote the sale of milk, and foster a positive image for the dairy industry. As part of you public relations campaign, you pay to print the images of missing loved ones on milk cartons. One day you get a call from Albert Gore, who is still looking for his prize cow (see post #13), and wants you to help.

[Visalia]

Whitley Streiber: Has two cows, they are abducted, mutilated, and left on some ranch for Linda Moulton Howe to find and write about.

[Orion]

THE CLINTON FUNDRAISER: You have cows that produce milk for the Clintons, year after year. When you discover that the Clintons are also taking milk from Communist China in exchange for the latest in milking technology, you and all your cows die in a plane crash or commit suicide.

[Orion]

THE SOUTH AFRICAN FARMER: You and someone else share your farm. You have the majority of the cows, but your partner produces almost all the milk. He does not treat you as well as the farmers treat your cousins in America, but still treats you better than anywhere else on the planet. You get the farmers in America and the UK to support the ousting of your partner. All his productive cows go to the farms in the US, UK, Australia, and Canada. You start to starve and still say that it is your ex-partner's fault. Everyone feels better.

[That Poppins Woman]

A PRO-DRUG WAR IDIOT: You have two cows. You're afraid that somewhere, someone may be growing and consuming a consensual, harmless drug. So you spray your cows, your lands, your streams, your neighbors' lands and bulls and streams with a lethal pesticide. All cows and bulls die. The land will not grow food anymore. The water is unfit to drink. And you and your neighbors have all been made sterile and impotent; your children have brain cancer and lukemia; and the onset of Alzeheimer's has begun. But, by God, you have foiled the efforts of the nasty pot smokers!!!

[Badray]

Ping for your Monday afternoon laugh.

[rockfish59]

my neighbor across the road has hundreds of cows. i have 2 cats. so?

[FReethesheeples]

;^)

[freebilly]

A TALIBAN LEADER: You have two cows. You shoot one of them because your neighbor milked it one night while you were sleeping. You shoot the other when it does not convert to Islam. You blame the death of your cows on a bomb dropped in a pasture thirty miles away.

[jws3sticks]

Speaking of Hillary and of Cows:

Here's Moooooooomy:

Appologies to the beautiful original animals depicted here on behalf of this Freeper Joke.

As America watches, we all suffer a quick case of projectile vomiting, RIGHT ON HILLARY LITTLE BLACK FAT LEGGED SUIT (I WISH):

[freebilly]

The Boston Red Sox: You have two cows. They are the finest cows on the planet. However, since you cannot afford to feed them adequately you trade both of them for a goat, a chicken, two sheep, and a gerbil to be named later.

In July your chicken hurts its wing and cannot go out in the field. In August, your goat is injured in a hunting accident and will not recover until next spring. All you have left in your bullpen is the two sheep. They do an impressive impersonation of bulls, but in the end they are sheep all the same.

You read about the two cows you traded away. They are on a farm in New York. You hear they are now worth 1000 times more than what you traded them for. It'll be different, you think, when the chicken's wing is healthy and the goat is sound again. Wait until next year, you think, you have big plans for the gerbil.

[Norb2569]

A 2001 PEACENICK: You haven't any cows, but you enjoy the freedom to partake of the consumption of milk and beef products everyday. Islamic Fundamentalist Terrorists, who have such enmity towards you, because there are cows in your country and you and your fellow countrymen get to enjoy the products they produce, use boxcutters and BRUTALLY ATTACK AND MURDER 6,000 cows and vow to kill all of the cows in your country as well as you and your fellow countrymen. You shame your fellow countrymen who want to protect your country from the Islamic Fundamentalist Terrorists by stopping them in their tracks and destoying their network.

You and your fellow peacenicks go out into the streets to protest those who are supporting the government that is trying to protect YOU, and say that they are insensitive to their needs and are killing innocents and should stop the war at once. You can't give any logical reason for your actions, but you still enjoy milk on your cereal for breakfast, a burger at lunch, and a juicy steak for dinner.

After dinner you watch CNN and see yourself protesting on TV and feel proud that you have done something for world peace.

Got milk?