Walken in L.A. [Christopher Walken on hot dogs]

The Onion ^ | Recently | Christopher Walken

[Silly]

Do you enjoy eating hot dogs? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog. Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

There are two types of people in this world: those who eat hot dogs whenever it is possible to do so, and those who opt to do other things with their free time. Who do the latter think they are kidding? What pastime could be more rewarding than the consumption of hot dogs? I haven't yet found one, and I don't expect to in my lifetime. Unlike other foods, hot dogs can be eaten at any time, in any place, and it is not necessary to cook them. Now, I ask you: Why not eat hot dogs? They are delicious.

I carry a bag of hot dogs with me wherever I go. I eat them from the bag whenever I get the urge, regardless of the circumstances. When I make a movie, my hot dogs are my co-stars. If, in the middle of a scene, I decide I want to consume a hot dog, I do so. I waste the director's time and thousands of dollars in film stock, but in the end, it is all worth it, because I enjoy eating hot dogs more than I enjoy acting. This bothers some people. I was supposed to portray Batman, but when Tim Burton learned of my hot dog cravings, he asked Michael Keaton to wear the cape. To this day, I am peeved about this.

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day. It was necessary. My character needed to come across as intense as possible, and I found the inspiration for that intensity in my intense love for hot dogs. The director, David Cronenberg, said that he would never work with me again. I kept eating hot dogs when the cameras were rolling, and that seemed to bother him. I say [expletive deleted] him. He doesn't even like hot dogs.

I would like to end by emphasizing once again that I really like to eat hot dogs. If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a [expletive deleted] bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs.

Next week: My thoughts on Woody Allen, hot dog hater and [expletive deleted] director.

[Silly]

Oooh, one kind of hot dog I will NOT eat is the variety sold on NYC streets. Icky-poo. You have absolutely no way of knowing where they came from.

[stanz]

How could anyone consume 800 of anything in one day? (Maybe olives...)

[stanz]

Especially the dirty water hot hogs held in the fingers of a vendor wearing an arm cast right down to the knuckles!

[Stultis]

I just KNEW you cheese people would start showing up.

Hotdogs WITH cheese, CHEDDAR, only slightly melted NOT ALL THE WAY 'CAUSE THAT'S FOR BURGERS.

yUMyUM

[Silly]

Oh, that image is burned into my brain! How awful. (Thanks for not mentioning pus, though.)

[Cinnamon Girl]

In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog.

What kind of crack smoker likes boiled hotdogs? Pan fried or grilled, but NO THANKS to rubbery boiled weiners. Gross.

[Silly]

Here in NYC, at Virgil's (the best BBQ place in town), they split their hotdogs down the middle, grill them along with the bun, and serve them open-faced.

[R2]

A purist will love them boiled.

[GraniteStateConservative]

Jay Mohr (formerly of SNL) had a great one, too.

[stanz]

I kid you not!

[kylaka]

"At Close Range" is my all time favoite Walken movie, and he did do a hot dog in it as I recall.

[hoot2]

is this why we're being invaded from the south? Audio

[miss marmelstein]

For a WhiteGuy, you've got great taste in hot dogs! The finest in NYC are the boiled Sabretts from the street vendors. My supplier was near Grand Central Station for many years - I even went into debt with him. Next: Nathans & Hebrew National (I like those broiled). A friend of mine swears by Katzes down on Canal Street.

[katze]

I like broiled Hebrew National hot dogs with cheese melted on the bun. Ummm, yummm.

[gcruse]

Dead Zone ping (or Walken the dogs)

[katze]

Yes, hot dogs with cheese melted, but it must be Hebrew National, with Old English melted on the bun. We don't get Nathan's here.

BTW, Christopher Walken is dead. He committed suicide in Vietnam, with Robert DeNiro watching; I saw it all. So now, Silly, who really wrote the article?

[katze]

#47 Virgil's has lip-smacking ribs, why would they serve hot dogs? Oooooh, I could sure go for some ribs right now, with a beer. And, cheese grits on the side. With a guy in a pork pie hat. Pork pie hats rule.

[mlo]

Why the swallows return to San Capistrano every year:

[culpeper]

Throw some CheddarWursts in a deep fryer. Now your living.