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Cat Bathing As A Martial Art
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Posted on 11/12/2001 2:10:19 PM PST by SAMWolf

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk -- dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: catbathing; cats; humor; martialart
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1 posted on 11/12/2001 2:10:19 PM PST by SAMWolf
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To: SAMWolf
"This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."

ROTFLOL!

Why do people keep these little parasites anyway?

2 posted on 11/12/2001 2:13:55 PM PST by LibKill
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To: SAMWolf

Cute, huh? But never trust 'em.....

3 posted on 11/12/2001 2:21:28 PM PST by anniegetyourgun
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To: LibKill
Hey, I keep my little parasite so he can police the rat world here. He's really not a cat you see, just a little person in a cat suit!
4 posted on 11/12/2001 2:22:30 PM PST by EggsAckley
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To: LibKill
Why do people keep these little parasites anyway?

People don't keep cats. Cats keep people.

5 posted on 11/12/2001 2:23:10 PM PST by geaux
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To: EggsAckley
OK. I guess cats are better than rats. Marginally.
6 posted on 11/12/2001 2:23:31 PM PST by LibKill
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To: anniegetyourgun
Yes they are cute and I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv my cats!!!!!!
7 posted on 11/12/2001 2:24:33 PM PST by geege
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To: SAMWolf
It works much better if you start up the shower, get in, then invite the cat to get in. Many of them enjoy the "edge" of the shower, but not the full spray. If you keep the shampoo out of their eyes/nose/mouth, they will actually come to enjoy it.

I only had one fighter, and he was the one who got the dirtiest. To bathe that cat you had to fill the tub, then hold him so his nose was out of the water.

Did you know cats can reach around behind their backs to grab your arm? It's true! And scratch - wow.

8 posted on 11/12/2001 2:25:29 PM PST by muawiyah
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To: SAMWolf
I had a problem too....but it was with flea-dipping, 6 cats. I simply put them into travel carriers and lowered them into a large bucket of flea-dip. Boy, wish I had a wave file of the sounds these 'kittys' made, still makes me shiver. But it was quick for the kitty and I lost no blood. :-) (and yes, they still hate me)
9 posted on 11/12/2001 2:26:42 PM PST by glasseye
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To: LibKill
Treat a cat well and it will be as affectionate a companion as any dog. 'Course you can't take a cat duck hunting, though...
10 posted on 11/12/2001 2:26:51 PM PST by white trash redneck
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To: anniegetyourgun
never trust 'em.....


11 posted on 11/12/2001 2:27:12 PM PST by Nataku X
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To: muawiyah
I have a short haired tabby who hunts outside and sleeps inside,
and I've never had to bathe him, he's VERY clean.
Guess I should count my blessings!
12 posted on 11/12/2001 2:27:43 PM PST by EggsAckley
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To: SAMWolf
Ever read the instructions for giving Kitty a flea bath. First you water it down, then starting with the head, apply the flea soap, working you way down the entire body. Once that's done, and if you're still in control, you need to let the soap sit on the cat for 5 minutes before rinsing.

Clearly the people who write the directions have never bathed a real cat!

Thank for the laugh.

13 posted on 11/12/2001 2:28:23 PM PST by janeliberty
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To: glasseye
Is that how you got your glass eye?
14 posted on 11/12/2001 2:28:43 PM PST by EggsAckley
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To: SAMWolf
I used to be worried about the reaction of my cat if I tried to bathe her. However, it got to the point where she smelled so bad that I took a chance and ran the bathtub faucet over her. She wasn't exactly pleased but surprisingly she didn't put up any fight. Actually I think she enjoys it but doesn't want to let me know so she sort of grumbles. I also shampoo her and use the flea comb on her because it is easier to brush away wet fur. The hardest part of the whole thing is drying her out. The big towel doesn't quite do the job. But at least she smells a lot better afterwards. I just bathed and shampooed her this morning.
15 posted on 11/12/2001 2:29:04 PM PST by PJ-Comix
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To: SAMWolf

16 posted on 11/12/2001 2:29:28 PM PST by CheneyChick
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To: LibKill
I would rather have a cat in the barn than any number of various rodents. Just don't make the mistake of feeding the cat too much or they get lazy.
17 posted on 11/12/2001 2:29:55 PM PST by stormbringer
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To: SAMWolf
I used to bathe my cats but I was losing too much blood. After each "bathing experience" my dwelling looked like a crime scene.

--Boris

18 posted on 11/12/2001 2:30:00 PM PST by boris
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To: SAMWolf
<A HREF= "http://www.geoffmetcalf.com/images/orwscs.jpg</A>
19 posted on 11/12/2001 2:30:02 PM PST by Burlem
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To: SAMWolf
How to Bathe a Cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any thing they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The Dog

20 posted on 11/12/2001 2:30:36 PM PST by LibKill
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To: SAMWolf
The national record for cats is three latherings

Ain't that the truth! I just washed my cat on Saturday. He received 3 latherings, and I received 3 lashings!
21 posted on 11/12/2001 2:33:02 PM PST by Fraulein
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To: phelix
a meow ping ;-)
22 posted on 11/12/2001 2:33:22 PM PST by habs4ever
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To: CheneyChick
Knew I'd find Fred on here.
23 posted on 11/12/2001 2:33:38 PM PST by nancetc
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To: white trash redneck

When I get big enough I'm going to EAT you!

24 posted on 11/12/2001 2:35:09 PM PST by LibKill
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To: LibKill
I taught my parasite to hunt gophers and for several years he was incredible, leaving only their front teeth on the doorstep munch mat as tokens of his work.
25 posted on 11/12/2001 2:36:51 PM PST by patriciaruth
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To: LibKill
Great pic!
26 posted on 11/12/2001 2:37:16 PM PST by white trash redneck
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To: SAMWolf
Squirt some dish soap in the toilet, drop in the cat, flush it 2 or 3 times, and PRESTO!! clean cat.
27 posted on 11/12/2001 2:37:19 PM PST by turk99
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To: Burlem
<a href="http://www.geoffmetcalf.com/images/orwscs</a>
28 posted on 11/12/2001 2:37:50 PM PST by Burlem
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To: LibKill
Cats are so much better than most people......


29 posted on 11/12/2001 2:38:09 PM PST by Sungirl
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To: LibKill
ROTFLMAO! BUMP!!!
30 posted on 11/12/2001 2:39:38 PM PST by parsifal
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To: Burlem
I am very frustrated, tried this two ways and still could not post the picture. It is so cute it is a picture of a cat that had climbed on top of the shower rod and is drinking from the shower water. Boo hoo. Help. If someone feels sorry for me I can e-mail the pic. and you can post it and tell me what I did wrong. again!!!!!! I thought I folloed the instructions both here and what was sent to me by a kind freeper.
31 posted on 11/12/2001 2:40:02 PM PST by Burlem
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To: glasseye
You *&^%&*!!!! Were do you get off trying to drown them? Buy some advantage or frontline for them.....get a tall bucket and fill it up and then just put them in there (TAIL DOWN) so they hang on to the sides while you GENTLY give them their bath. You are very very cruel!!!
32 posted on 11/12/2001 2:41:03 PM PST by Sungirl
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To: SAMWolf
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."

Highly unlikely as real men will have nothing to do with cats. Cats may inhabit the same building as a man, but the critter only shares said domicile because said man is interested in another kind of feline ...

33 posted on 11/12/2001 2:43:26 PM PST by Junior
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To: Sungirl
Cats are so much better than most people......

Well they are not as messy as a lot of people.

For instance, when your cats turn on you and EAT you, they will start from the toes first to minimize the mess and maximize the pain.

34 posted on 11/12/2001 2:44:51 PM PST by LibKill
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To: SAMWolf
My cat "Newt Gingrich" likes to hang out between the shower curtain and the liner when I shower. I haven't attempted to bath him since he was a kitten. I value my skin.
35 posted on 11/12/2001 2:45:32 PM PST by LetsRok
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IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR CAT A BATH...DO THIS:

GET 2 TALL BUCKETS....FILL THEM 3/4 WITH WATER...ONE FOR RINSING.... GENTLY PUT THE CAT IN ---> TAIL DOWN, SO (S)HE IS STANDING IN THE BUCKET. LET HIM/HER HANG ON THE THE SIDES WHILE YOU WASH THE CAT......HAVE ANOTHER BUCKET FOR RINSING RIGHT NEXT TO IT. USE LUKEWARM WATER...

36 posted on 11/12/2001 2:45:33 PM PST by Sungirl
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To: Burlem
Is the problem because you put no quotation mark (") after .jpg? Does your server allow you to post images? Perhaps you should also click "preview" before you post. That way you'll know whether your image will be showing up or not before you post.
37 posted on 11/12/2001 2:45:55 PM PST by Fraulein
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To: LibKill
Whew… (recovering)

This thread is a RIOT! Great pics…

38 posted on 11/12/2001 2:48:57 PM PST by EugeneConservative
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To: SAMWolf
I have a Pixie-Bob, which is part bobcat. I gave it a batch. Once. I went to work all beat to pieces and someone asked what happened. I said the funniest thing that kept me cracking up, "I gave a bobcat a bath." I just kept thinking of a redneck who was mad at a howling bobcat, so he gave it a bath. mean, just plain mean.
39 posted on 11/12/2001 2:49:14 PM PST by PatrioticAmerican
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To: SAMWolf
I remember speech class in college. My topic for the how-to speech was "How to Bathe a Cat." I had two cats, Guido and Skooz (my namesake) and bathed them regularly. I got pretty good at it, but always walked away with quite a few scratches.
40 posted on 11/12/2001 2:57:05 PM PST by Skooz
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To: Skooz
You should NOT bathe cats.....you are erasing a very important oil they have on their coats...they will get sick often....
41 posted on 11/12/2001 2:59:49 PM PST by Sungirl
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To: SAMWolf
I HATE cats. I truly do.
42 posted on 11/12/2001 3:00:33 PM PST by TADSLOS
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To: CheneyChick
LOL!
43 posted on 11/12/2001 3:02:04 PM PST by hole_n_one
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To: Burlem
Ok, I figured it out, and I was about to post your picture for you, but I think you've given the wrong URL. An eagle picture shows up, which reads: "Operation restore Warrior Spirit." ???
44 posted on 11/12/2001 3:03:19 PM PST by Fraulein
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To: LibKill
Stop....You're killing me.....: -)
45 posted on 11/12/2001 3:03:30 PM PST by Seattle-ite Nottagay
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To: Burlem
To post a pic, you need this:

[img src="http://www.geoffmetcalf.com/images/orwscs.jpg"], but replace the [ ]'s with some < >'s.

Btw, that image url you posted is of an eagle and the world trade towers.

46 posted on 11/12/2001 3:07:17 PM PST by Semper911
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To: SAMWolf
I would suggest a pressure washer or steam cleaner, then you can do it at a distance.
47 posted on 11/12/2001 3:08:41 PM PST by Busywhiskers
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To: SAMWolf


48 posted on 11/12/2001 3:10:45 PM PST by EugeneConservative
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To: Burlem

This is what I got when I loaded the paicture at the link you provided. I don't think it's a cat, though.

49 posted on 11/12/2001 3:11:39 PM PST by Skooz
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A freshly washed cat vows revenge upon humankind.

50 posted on 11/12/2001 3:13:16 PM PST by LibKill
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