Posted on 11/17/2001 9:37:22 AM PST by VA Voter
Don't click on this if you are easily offended.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
Still funny
What do you call brunette haircoloring done on a blonde?
Artificial intelligence :>D
Political Philosophy
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Then you covet it.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
AN AFGHAN:
You have no cows. The Taliban shot them for not wearing veils in public. They blamed the atrocity on perverted American values penetrating their sovereign soil. You got 5 wives instead. You actually had six, one left but you don't know what she looked like.
So far, the remaining wives clearly understand the cows' fate due to your diligent beating schedule. Fortunately, this is not viewed as an educational process.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage which ultimately blows up the cows.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5 year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really have.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American Corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American corporation goes chapter 11.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them .
AN AFGHAN:
You have no cows. The Taliban shot them for not wearing veils in public. They blamed the atrocity on perverted American values penetrating their sovereign soil. You got 5 wives instead. You actually had six, one left but you don't know what she looked like.
So far, the remaining wives clearly understand the cows' fate due to your diligent beating schedule. Fortunately, this is not viewed as an educational process.
I told your joke to my blonde wife, an RN! She didn't think was funny!
Actually, she is the best blonde joke teller I know. People never know how to react when she tells blonde jokes!
During the Persian Gulf War they ran out of smart bombs so they had to use blond ones. Badaboom.
She says that blonde hair dye on a brunette is the real of artificial intelligence and is a fraud against man kind!
One of her best friends is brunette. When they start going after each other, it is a riot!
Your cow joke is the best! It will be come a bookmark!
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just crap in the carburetor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
NOTICE
We have been notified by job security that there have been four suspected terrorists working at our job site.
Three of the four have been apprehended; Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody.
Security advised us that they could find no person matching the description of the fourth suspect, Bin Workin, on the site.
Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
I am sure everyone has heard this one:
Know how to make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
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