If Golf Were Like Shooting

cybershooters (received via e-mail) | Tuesday, February 19, 2002 11:31 | Charlie McMillion

[Mr. Bungle]

While we're at it, let's treat the First Amendment like the Second:

• Political ads must be read at a rate no more than 1 word per second. Speed readers and fast talkers (referred to as fully automatic) will hereby be prohibited from engaging in civilian political speech. They will be reserved for government and law enforcement use only.

• 'High-capacity' words that might mean a lot, like 'epistemology', 'Constitution' or 'macroeconomics' will be prohibited from political speech. No word used in a political advertisement by a civilian may contain more than 10 letters. Words and ideas such 'racism', 'hate', 'Enron' and 'Marxism' fall under the capacity limit, and are thus permissible for civilian use.

• Words and phrases describing entities, such that can be described by acronyms, thus collapsable and easy to conceal, will be prohibited from use in civilian political speech. These include acronyms such as CFR, GAO, FBI, IRS, DEA, CIA, ATF, POTUS, FLOTUS, SCOTUS, and BOHICA. Words that can apply to a large group with a single usage must not be manually truncated below a certain length. "Sawed-off" words such "gub'mint", "libs", and "pols" will be prohibited from use in the political speech of civilians.

• Political speech and ideas sent from one private individual to another via any medium (mail or other carrier) must be accompanied by an FBI background check of the person receiving the political speech and ideas in question. Failure to meet acceptible standards for posession of that speech will result in the prohibition of the recipient from receiving any further political speech, until such time as posession of that speech or idea is approved by the Federal Government.

• Political speech in one state may not be freely transported to another state. Speech must be sent via a federally registered speech licensee (FSL). However, political speech mentioning the FSL, if employing the acronym and thus easily concealed by civilians, is banned.

• Some small words, which are small enough to be used by any civilian, in some states will require a license to use. Words such as "vote", "recall", or "impeach."

[Joe 6-pack]

"In Massachusetts, golfers would have to have a license to buy balls."

Seems to me this is pretty much already a fact...

[supercat]

While we're at it, let's treat the First Amendment like the Second:

Politicians are already working on that. Haven't you read HR2356?

[Balata]

Anyone possessing more than one club would be labeled a "golf-nut" who owned an "arsenal" of clubs.

More than one club.LOL!

Do you know how many drivers and putters us 'golf-nuts' own?

[Travis McGee]

bttt

[knowtherules]

Golf clubs don't kill people, but Kennedy relatives probably did.

[Byron_the_Aussie]

He he he.

You realise you're giving statist lurkers a few ideas, don't you? :)
Regards, By.

[ctdonath2]

When people invite me to go golfing, I ask if I can bring my shotgun so we can play "skeet golf". When someone agrees, I'll go.

Until then, golf is just a misuse of a perfectly good rifle range.

[Joe Brower]

KBoom.

[Tijeras_Slim]

bump for later

[hollywood]

Thanks for the heads-up, Trav.

"BLOCT: Buy lots of clubs today!"

[peabers]

What a stupid analogy.

[Gun142]

http://faxworldcom.com/lgweap/ad_sheets/gfa.htm

L&G GFA (Golfball Firing Attachment)

The GFA is another L&G Exclusive product. For golf enthusiast who just can't seem to make 500 yard drives! A standard GI blank will propel a golf ball in excess of 500 Yards! Just remove flash hider and thread on the GFA. Aluminum construction Mil Spec Black Anodized Finish Post Ban version also available Pricing: Thread on GFA for pre-ban rifles $49.00 Clamp on GFA for post-ban rifles $95 Box of 20 GI Blanks $5.00

L&G Weaponry Specialty AR-15 / M-16 Products Tel 714-840-3772 Fax 714-625-4631

[oyez]

It would solve a lot of problems if one had to be 21 years of age to even get balls. But, yes there is a shortage of balls in Massachusetts and California

[Ditter]

Golf clubs are dangerous. Didn't that Skakel guy kill Martha Moxley with a golf club? They should be banned.

[Cold Heat]

Yup! They definately need to buy balls in Mass. They have none of their own.

[oyez]

scream for a ban on Big Bertha drivers

Those super driver are a plot to increase the volume of sales for balls. The longer the drive the bigger the mistake and deeper into the woods. I hate to play behind guys with those longer clubs. They just loose their balls.

[Centurion2000]

Until then, golf is just a misuse of a perfectly good rifle range.

AMEN !!

[Come get it]

When people invite me to go golfing, I ask if I can bring my shotgun so we can play "skeet golf".

Yes! YES!! YES!!!

I GOTTA try that!