Weekly Standard Delivers Spoof of Post-Revolutionary War Media

MRC ^ | Tuesday April 29, 2003, 6:50am EDT | BrentBaker

[fight_truth_decay]

A great media parody. The back page of the just-published May 5 edition of the Weekly Standard carries a mock-up of an imagined front page of the "Ye Newe York Times" from November 11, 1781, full of angst about the future immediately after America's victory over Britain. Though it is based upon the New York Times, it could apply to much of the angst over the Iraq war expressed at times in many media outlets.

The graphic image is online at: Weekly Standard.

MRC analyst Patrick Gregory typed in my favorite parts:

-- The top headline: "THREE WEEKS AFTER YORKTOWN, STILL NO CONSTITUTION READY."
Subhead: "Hamilton, Fellow 'Neo-Federalists,' Said Eyeing Empire Across Continent."

The story, by "R. BERKE," began:
"Boston, NOV. 6 -- After days of meetings, Leaders of the former Colonies still have not devised a system of Government that will stand through the Ages. And there are troubling signs that American Culture might not be compatible with Democracy. 'Look at the rhetoric,' observes Doris Kearns Goodwin, a Historian waiting for Television to be invented.
'Give me liberty or give me death.' 'Don't tread on me' -- These are partisan, radical, and uncivil statements, not the kind consistent with Democracy.'

'Neo-Federalist' Plan

"Meeting in small Think Tanks, a group of influential intellectuals known as 'Neo-Federalists' is now plotting to extend American Democracy as far west as Ohio, envisioning a vast, sprawling Nation under one system of Government. 'The arrogance, the stupidity, the naivete of this Scheme is appalling,' says Jessica Matthews of the Tudor Endowment for International Peace and Stability."

-- An "Analysis" piece by "R.W. Apple" carried this headline:

"Triumph Over Britifh Empire was Easy Part."
Subhead: "Mayheme, Discontent Betray Hollow Victory."
A second subhead warned: "Desire To Return To British Sovereigntye Becoming Widespread."

The top of the story: "The easy part is over. Defeating the world's greatest Empire, enduring the winter at Valley Forge -- those were simple military problems. But Nation-Building, as Geo. Washington likes to call it, is improving insurmountably difficult...."

-- Two items under "In the News": "Five Houses Planned In Field Near Boston."
Summary: "Right-Minded Souls Fear Unbridled 'Sprawle'"
And: "Cold Since Mid-1700s A Wood-Stove Legacy." Summary: "Leading Natural Scientists Say Ice Age by 2000 A.D. A 'Certaintye'"

-- "Ye Shattered Dream: Revolution's Grievous Wake," read the heading over a section plugging inside stories, including:

+ "Calvinists, Other Extremists Planning Theocracies."
The summary: "Hopes That New Nation Might Emerge As Enlightened, Secular State Dashed As Hundreds Of Shakers March On Boston Waving Wicker Chairs, Calling For Universal Ban On Procreation."

+ And my favorite, picking up on the Dixie Chicks now appearing nude on the cover of Entertainment Weekly:
"Clog Dancing Troupe Retracts Disparagement Of Washington."
The story summary: "Head Clogger Regrets 'Wood-Toothed, Slave-Owning Stiff' Slur; Group Seeks To Regain Favour By Circulating Engraving Of Selves In Nightclothes."

As I said, a great parody and one well worth checking out.

-- Brent Baker

When posted, this CyberAlert will be readable at: http://www.mediaresearch.org/cyberalerts/2003/cyb20030429.asp

[KarlInOhio]

Can someone explain why, in those times, an "s" was used in one part of a fentence, and an "f" used in otherf?

It's called a "Long S". It is used at the start of a word and many times in the middle, but never at the end.

http://www.usgennet.org/family/smoot/oldhand/long-s.html

[martin_fierro]

Thanf, er, THANKS for that very falient information. <|:)~

[KarlInOhio]

Ye Newe York Times: All the newes that fits our viewes

Subsidies for tobacco, peanut farming announced: to be temporary
Price stabilitye benefits the publick as well as the grower.

Calvinists, Other Extremists Planning Theocracies
Hopes that new nation might emerge as enlightened secular state dashed as hundreds of Shakers march on Boston waving wicker chaires, calling for universal ban on procreation.

[headsonpikes]

"Sanctions would have worked" bttt.

[TruthNtegrity]

Bumping and bookmarking

[eddiespaghetti]

We can also add (from The American Conservative):

SUSPICIOUS "NEO-CON" BACKERS OF REVOLUTION

"Information has come to light that the Continental Army under General Washington has benefitted from loans provided by Haym Salomon, a neo-conservative 'financier,' whose loyalty to the British Crown is subject to question."

[TruthNtegrity]

I think this is a stitch, and thought you'd enjoy it, too.

[Interesting Times]

Ping.

[hoosiermama]

Thanks for the ping!

[lawgirl]

Doris Kearns Goodwin, a Historian waiting for Television to be invented.

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!

[Lauratealeaf]

It's all great! Change the language a litte, add some modern pictures, and you'd think you were reading today's issue! ;)

So true!

[zot]

Another good one. Thanks for the ping.

I have noticed, as far back as I have found them, that political cartoons were less well drawn but even more vicious than they are now. Political rhetoric was wordier, and with a larger vocabulary, but just as vicious.