CHIRAC CALLS FOR AN END TO FRENCH JOKES - Bush Blasts Proposal as 'Premature'

Borowitz Report ^

[Sub-Driver]

CHIRAC CALLS FOR AN END TO FRENCH JOKES

Bush Blasts Proposal as 'Premature'

French President Jacques Chirac today called for an "immediate cessation" of jokes about France now that the active combat phase in Iraq had concluded.

In an impassioned speech to the United Nations Security Council, Mr. Chirac said that if the time had come to lift sanctions against Iraq, ""then it is also time to stop calling the French 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys.'""

In addition, Mr. Chirac asked the U.S. to reverse its decision to rename French fries ""Freedom Fries,"" arguing that the derisive renaming of that popular delicacy was currently costing France billions of Euros in royalties every week.

In his most emotional appeal, Mr. Chirac asked that the U.S. stop referring to the French as "weasels" and refrain from gratuitous references to France's inexplicable love affair with the actors Jerry Lewis and Mickey Rourke.

"Get over it!" Mr. Chirac roared.

But Mr. Chirac's speech may have fallen on deaf ears at the White House, where President Bush today characterized the French President's request as "premature."

""The United States has no timetable for stopping making fun of the French," Mr. Bush said. "We'll stop ridiculing the French when we're good and ready, and not one day sooner.""

When told of Mr. Bush's statement, Mr. Chirac sighed deeply and said, ""I give up," to which Mr. Bush replied, chuckling, "Of course he gives up – he's French."

In other news, intercepted cell-phone conversations recently re-analyzed by the CIA now reveal that Saddam Hussein did not have ""weapons of mass destruction,"" as earlier suspected, but rather ""lessons in tax deduction.""

""The CIA regrets the error,"" Director George Tenet said.

[ken5050]

Chirac also , in an aside, was head to denigrate the President , saying "Bush thinks 'merde' is a four-letter word.."

[kellynla]

I agree. Chirac, the ultimate French joke, should resign.

[ctlpdad]

The gum stuck to the floor on a new york subway can fight back better than the french.

[sarasota]

Thanks for the laughter. This one's a keeper.

[Helms]

Chirac is still the Howard Johnsons waiter but this time just waiting on upscale Euro$Elites.

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[Exeter]

"...it is also time to stop calling the French "cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

Note to all Freepers; in the spirit of goodwill we will no longer use in describing the French the offensive term "cheese-eating surrender monkeys". Henceforth the new term for describing the French will be "Brie-chewing appeasement baboons".

Please make a note of this...

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[Cyber Ninja]

> > > WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

French President Jacques Chirac:
Pourquoi à surender, mon ami.
(Why, to surrender, my friend.)

German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder:
Se pour rendre, évidemment!
(To surrender, obviously!)

Russian President Vladimir Putin:
Jemand zum surender zu finden?
(To find someone to surrender to?)

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan:
To veto the UN resolution.

Chief United Nations weapons inspector Hans Blix:
Ik zie geen kippen.
(I do not see any chickens.)

[sarasota]

This is great! Keep 'em coming.

[Happy2BMe]

"http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/920297/posts">Bush: Not Clear France Concerned With US Security (More Crow Pie for Chirac)

[Happy2BMe]

Bush: Not Clear France Concerned With US Security (More Crow Pie for Chirac)

[el_texicano]

Fruck the Fench and the horse they rode in on.

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