The Selfish Child

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 8/31/03 | Robert Shaw

[I_Love_My_Husband]

Child and family psychiatrist Robert Shaw says he wrote the latest book in the child-care advice genre because he had to. After the teen shootings at Columbine, he asked himself, "How would you have to raise your kids for them to do this?" His answer lay in the past three decades of books on child rearing. Although he admits there have been some stellar examples lately - Carol Eagle's "All That She Can Be: Helping Your Daughter Maintain her Self- Esteem," Michael Gurian's "The Good Son" and Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder's "Backtalk: Four Steps To Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids" - the majority have pushed a child-centric view that elevates the child to head of the household.

[hemogoblin]

ping to self

[stands2reason]

BUMP!

[I_Love_My_Husband]

Ooooh, I just read that thread! Yikes!

Well there were some screeching feminists on there. You're right about daycare and this author (the thread) from BERKELEY agrees with you! (And me, I might add).

Though truthfully, in my own case, I did go to day care as a child, and it WAS better there than at home, my homelife was not that happy. So I liked daycare better. I was lucky to be in a great daycare. Blessed.

When mother got married again, she stayed home (she was divorced when I was young from my dad, hence me in preschool/daycare), and she did stay home after that.

[netmilsmom]

Oooo, thank you.
The flames are still burning!
I have to laugh though, these are the same people that will tell a gay or a wiccan (not that I agree with either) that they are dead wrong. Oh well.
The point that I was making and still do is that INSTITUTIONALIZED daycare is not a sub for parenting. This article says it too.
But geez, I'm not saying anything!!!
As Yosemite Sam would say, "My biscuits are burnin'!"

[baltodog]

This guy has alot of nerve!!
What gives him the right to dictate how parents should raise their kids?
He's just damn lucky I agree with him.
I often wonder about the root cause of all these teenagers being into pain (X-treme sports, jackass, etc.) I think it is a cry out to their parents who are too busy for them.
There are alot of things my kids want...but nothing that they need.

[Faith]

Stop punishing yourself. Our hindsight isn't always accurate. Your son did well in school and met his future wife there. He developed good work habits which were modeled by you as you helped him with his homework. Had he gone to public school, you might have emerged with a different son than you have now. The one you have sounds great. Perhaps you can plan some father-son events with him now, at this stage of life, if that's what he thinks he lacked in his childhood. He sounds like a son who is doing well. We all make the best decisions we can at the time. I think you did just fine.

[freedumb2003]

I think is a strange outcome of wanting something for your child that you wanted for yourself. He definitely was a privileged child, bu still he wanted more.

He didn't want more, he wanted you

That is not strange at all. It is normal. Having your kids raised by strangers, now that's strange.

[don-o]

From that sleep-deprived decision in the wee hours that it's easier to let a toddler come into bed with you than not,

For an alternative (which we did) check out

Co-Sleeping Another Way to Promote Infant Health

[MightyMouseToSaveThe Day]

Thanks for bringing this terrific book to my attention. I'm saving it for when my daughter decides to start a family of her own. I cannot go in public without witnessing these out-of-control kids and their complacent parents that he describes. I was traveling last week, for example, and as i was waiting in the airport gate area, a woman with 2 kids (about 6 and 8) was totally ignoring the fact that her kids were running all around, screaming, throwing things. When she finally looked up, it was only to pat them on the heads like they were terribly clever. I was seriously ready to go over to her and tell her that she was raising rude children who had no consideration for others. That's just one example of the stuff i see every day. Something's terribly wrong with many of today's parents.

[mafree]

Teachers everywhere report that children are arriving ill-equipped to engage in school because they lack focus, purpose, connection, an ability to fit into a rules system and a desire to learn.

After a summer running a tutoring program for 25 kids I can definitely attest to this.

[JustPiper]

Bump and thanx!

[nkycincinnatikid]

bump

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the heads up!

[GiovannaNicoletta]

keep

[maica]

<<< I was seriously ready to go over to her and tell her that she was raising rude children who had no consideration for others. >>>

My grandmother had a habit of speaking up if she saw mothers abusing their children or if she saw children frazzling their mothers, so I have given myself permission (in her memory) of doing the same thing.

One of the sad evolutions of our society is the lack of respect for others that parents convey to their children when such anti-social behavior is tolerated, and when children feel no restraint to wild behavior in the presence of adults.

[america-rules]

"-- Yelling at and threatening your children. You can be firm and reliable in reinforcing rules without resorting to these tactics. When you lose your temper, it says that you have delayed handling an issue until your frustration and impotence have become overwhelming. You can act firmly right away; you don't have to wait until you get angry"

Right, my just turned 5 year old ran out in to the road yesterday without looking and I snapped and wacked his butt with his plastic bat! I would have beat his ass more but he ran too fast into the house.

Sitting down and talking about it could kill him !

[geologist]

this is one to read andd re-read a few tiimes

[norraad]

God bless you for beating(wiffle ball bats are the best)!

Me & all the best & well behaved grownups have all been beaten thusly when we were stupid brats who got out of line.

[LibertyThug]

Excellent, thank you for posting.

[LibertyThug]

Bump