Skip to comments.The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses
Posted on 11/28/2007 11:32:42 AM PST by SomeReasonableDude
"God listened carefully to their complaints, weighed their points, then made the earth eat them alive. The text does not make it clear whether or not the earth made that "OM NOM NOM" sound, so scholars are forced to speculate.
This really puts things in perspective for the anti-religion critics. They can complain all they want about religious "intolerance" and pushy evangelicals trying to censor TV and annoy people into conversion. But, that's a hell of an improvement over the situation during the Exodus, when God would feed nonbelievers to the mighty Sarlacc."
(Excerpt) Read more at cracked.com ...
bump for later perusal.
This really shouldn’t be in news. Its not that respectful of the bible so its not really religion- it’s blogger/personal at best.
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
David Wong is the best, and is head and shoulders above most on Cracked.com. The man doesn’t have a mean bone in his body (whereas Cracked has a fair amount of ugly stuff on it)
I thoroughly recommend his home site at http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/ - with the warning that it’s for mature readers only.
I must admit, though funny in Jr. High way, I found much of the humor here one of superiority-of-us verses those in bible days and frankly it revels in vulgarity and lewdness. Especially the cartoon saying “Don’t F**k with God!” is incredibly offensive to Christians, because its so disrespectful to God.
This isn’t some ancient fantasy religion we’re talking about, rather the bible is a compilation of real events and real persons—even if some of the events are hard to understand. Moses’ murder of an Egyptian, and Israel’s lewd behavior were sins to be mourned over, not stuff to make fun of.
This sounds like material written by atheists or agnostics—people who have no fear of the real God, because they don’t know Him.
Ho! Ho! Ho! This poster is my kind of scum!
Quote from: 1 Kings 18:24,38-40
That is how they used to do religious debates back in the day.
The situation was that people of Israel had taken to Baal worship, a faith that added a lot of whores to its rituals and thus gained immediate popularity. Elijah (not the one with the bears, that was Elisha) decided that the people had to choose between Baal and God.
Rather than write a series of books or give a bunch of boring speeches, Elijah invited 450 Baal prophets to a contest, where both sides would set up an animal sacrifice. Whichever God could rain down fire on its sacrifice would be the one everybody worshiped.
It's brilliant in its simplicity, and we're surprised religious debates were ever carried out any other way after that. You can raise all the intellectual challenges you want about faith and the origins of the universe, but at the end of the day, you have to worship the god who can set you on fire. It's common sense.
We like to think Elijah stood in front of the howling column of heavenly fire, straightened his robes, turned to the crowd and said, "Thus, my opponent's argument falls." Then, he finished the debate in the way that all debates should be finished: by having the losers slaughtered.
Some Religion of Peace-style verses there. At least, modern Christians and Jews are wise enough to ignore certain problematic passages rather than taking them as verbatim models for present-day behavior, as too many Muslims do with the Koran.
You shouls have seen MAD magazine’s take off on the ten Commandments (not the movie) about 40 years ago!
In tears at the “don’t grab the junk rule”. LMAO!
"Tard" refers to the ping list members and not to the subject of the thread.
List of Ping Lists
Well, Tarantino and Bender took liberties with that verse. Basically, the only portion you will find in the bible is the last sentence: “And you will know I am the lord, when I lay my vengeance on thee.” The rest of the monologue is largely Tarantino and Bender.
Let's ask Bender.
Quentin, Quentin, Quentin! That little punk... is always taking credit for my work!
What I actually said in my off New New Broadway Play, "Bad Ass Bots"... was: "The path of the righteous robot is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil mankind. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother bot's keeper and the finder of lost cash. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brother bots. And you will know my name is Bender when I lay my vengeance upon thee. Now, bend down and kiss my shiny metal ass!"
Tarantino stole it... and gave it to Sam Jackson's Jules for Pulp Fiction while promising me some net gross points--
Yet with Hollywood screwy accounting... what's a bot to do?
Actually the Bible Verse I like the best... is from one of my all time favorite John Wayne films, Trouble Along the Way, where Charles Coburn's character, Father Matthew William Burke, says, "You'll find the answer in Deuteronomy, Chapter 32, Verse 15." The other priests look at one another and Father Burke adds, "Well, well? Is there a Bible in the house, or do you have to go to a hotel?:
BTW Deuteronomy, Chapter 32, Verse 15: "But Jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked..."
Somehow, I find comfort in that for my Cowboys... as they battle them Green and Yellow Packers tomorrow night!
And since this is a Bible thread... and I don't want any outside influences, I have to tell the truth and yes---
I do have a cheesehat... ready to wear for a week if the Pack should somehow luck into a win!
I LOVE that scene. As theology goes, it’s almost as good as “Unforgiven.”
My favorite movie.
Me? I've got tears of laughter running down my face! I'm reading this at work and everyone's asking me what's so funny?
And pulp fiction though not in Scripture, did seem to catch some of the ideas in Ezekiel, meaning the Lord was tired of it and meant to clean house and YOU WILL KNOW THAT MY NAME IS THE LORD....
"Deserves got nothing to do with it."
The epilogue which told us William Muny retired with his children and lived to a ripe old age after opening a dry cleaning business is poetry.
None of us knows another's heart, and "we all got it coming."
So you really want to know some baddass verses....
I should of specified that I was referring to Bender Rodriguez's cousin, Lawrence Bender. ;-)
“Hey, Pat. This is God. I want you to run for president! Oh, and I want you to go out and check your tire pressure!”
A clip of the Great One himself.
Thanks. I had the pleasure of seeing Sam live shortly before he left us. I was accompanied by my parents no less.
Thos should give all of us pause:
Ezekiel 9:4-7, "And the LORD said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst thereof. with the destruction of the rest And to the others he said in mine hearing, Go ye after him through the city, and smite: let not your eye spare, neither have ye pity: Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women: but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at my sanctuary. Then they began at the ancient men (the Elders) which were before the house. And he said unto them, Defile the house, and fill the courts with the slain: go ye forth. And they went forth, and slew in the city."
I find it hard to take your otherwise well written post seriously (given the content and message) when I consider you didn’t even give basic literature etiquet to the Bible and capitalize the first letter.
I think showing Moses killing a guard wasn’t something to mourn, b/c the story goes on to show that God can still work with a man *even a murderer* to accomplish His Will.
“Would anyone honestly take this article to their Bible school class?”
The short answer? “Yes”
But that’s because I like my Faith with a little scrutiny.
Keeps me honest.