Posted on 10/13/2004 8:08:12 AM PDT by yonif
A few years ago, I took part in a telephone conference call involving 29 people. It was not a business venture, but a personal matter. Lines from Ukraine, China, France, Alaska, Texas, New York and Solon, Ohio, buzzed to Israel to wish my mother a happy 60th birthday.
What made this call so special was that it symbolized the profound blessings of a large family. All of the callers were my mother's children and their spouses: seventeen sons and daughters and twelve sons- and daughters-in-law (b'li ayin harah). Everyone had the opportunity to extend words of good wishes.
After this twenty-five-minute congratulatory roll call, one of my sisters asked, "What is the secret of your success? How did you manage to not only survive raising such a large family, but also raise such stable, happy, accomplished and self-confident kids like us?" My mother chuckled at the "self-confident" part, and in her unassuming and practical manner insisted that it was no great feat. "You just take one day at a time," she insisted, "and one child at a time, and do what needs to be done..." We all demanded a better explanation. How was it that she didn't worry about finances, living space, and simply providing the basic needs like clothing and food? At this point my father entered the conversation. "You're forgetting the full picture," he said, sharing a synopsis of his life story.
When he was twelve years old, he was fleeing from Hitler in Romania and ended up in Communist Russia. There he suffered constant persecution for his religious beliefs while at the same time was denied an exit visa and permission to leave the country.
At age nineteen, he finally tried to cross the border to Poland. He was double-crossed as his "guide" delivered him straight to the soviet police. He was sentenced to 25 years hard labor in a Siberian prison camp. When Stalin mercifully died seven years later, my father were set free together with all political prisoners .
He never dreamed that he would survive these events, but he did. He also never dreamed that he would find a Jewish woman who shared his dedication to Yiddishkeit and was prepared for the self sacrifice necessary to raise a Torah-observant family in Communist Russia. But he found my mother. In 1967, long before the Iron Curtain fell, my family, myself included, received permission to leave the USSR. We traveled to and settled in Israel.
"After all these miracles," my father concluded, "I should worry about a few pieces of bread? If G-d gave me the strength to survive all the hardships, surely He could give me the strength to provide the needs of my family." We all fell silent and thought about his philosophy.
Judaism teaches that children are the most cherished Divine blessing known to mankind. Not only are they a blessing, but tradition teaches us that every additional child brings a new flow of blessings to a family. Each additional child does not decrease from the material, financial and spiritual stability of the home; on the contrary, the entire family actually benefits from the Divine blessings that each child brings.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe once said that it is unnecessary for us to take over G-d's bookkeeping to figure out how many children He is able to care for. "He who feeds and sustains the whole world" the Rebbe said, "is able to take care of the children, as well as the parents."
Now that my wife and I have children of our own, I can truly appreciate the amazing dedication and self-sacrifice of my parents, as well as that of all those who are blessed with large families. I know that it takes an endless supply of laughter, tears and long wakeful nights to raise each child; I also know the nachas, the pride, joy and happiness that each child brings. I truly admire those that willingly set aside the best years of their life and dedicate them to raising a generation of active, giving adults. Each of these future adults will make their own unique contribution to the Jewish people as well as to all of humanity. Each child represents an infinite potential, absolutely beyond prediction. Every child has his or her own unduplicated gift to present to the world, and those who bring him or her into existence are enriching humankind.
If all this was true in all generations, how much more so in our time, when our people were so cruelly decimated in the ovens of Auschwitz.
I always tell the story of a Jewish woman, expecting her fifth child, who was working in her garden when her neighbor looked over the fence and called out: "What -- another one? How many children are you planning to have?"
She had heard this question many times before. She smiled and immediately replied, "Six million!"
Rabbi Zushe Greenberg is the spiritual leader of Chabad Center of Solon
"That's perfectly alright ... the world needs more people like us, and fewer like you."
Yay! (7 so far.)
We plan on having 0 children. Different strokes for different folks!
I only have one sibling. My fiance has one sibling. Both of us always wished we'd been raised in bigger families. We intend to have 3-4 of our own if we're so blessed, and also to adopt after that if we can afford it.
The cost of living here is high, and usually a family with more than 2 kids is considered "large" by people. A lot of the same folks think it's cruel to make kids share bedrooms, too. Weird ways of thinking - why plan your family based on the number of bedrooms in your house? Sure, I wouldn't put 3 or 4 in one room, but two can certainly share!
Oh, and I've been told that it's a "waste" to have children before the age of 30. Welcome to suburbian New England...
My mother always said we have as many children as God gives us.
Thanks for a beautiful story.
Your comment reminded me of the time a Capt . in the Navy said to me, who was pregnant with number 4 or 5:
"Don't you know what causes that?"
Before my better sense could could prevail, I quipped back:
"Ahh, but we ENJOY what causes that!"
He blushed and so did I.
Another time, a stranger, upon learning that I was pregnant with number 8, sidled over to my young teen daughter at Price Club, and says, "You should buy your parents a TV for their anniversary".
She didn't get it, thankfully. But I said to him in an aside,
"oh, no, not a TV! There's too much sex on TV these days!"
LOL
We have 3 boys in a room right now, and we'll move the 4th in there whenever we have the next one (or he gets too noisy to sleep in our room!).
Soon after that, the oldest girl should leave home, and then we can shuffle!
Oh, that's great!
Moms like you are my inspiration :-).
I don't actually say these things, but you can! I usually just smile and say, "We love babies!"
If the room's big, then there's no problem! :-) Thinking about the size of house we'll be able to afford (think SMALL), putting more than two in a room would be a serious challenge.
One of my good friends shared a room with her sister (9 years younger) until she went to college - and said a roommate was easy in comparison. So many kids go to college now having never had to share a bedroom or even a bathroom, and it can be a real shock.
2
One last one.
I invariably hear, when folks learn that I have ten, :
"We know what you've been doing!"
I finally came up with a nonembarrassing reply:
"Yes, lots of laundry!"
None.
Medium-sized room, big enough for two sets of bunks and a couple of dressers. All they do in there is sleep and store their stuff.
You ladies are amazing................and make me embarrassed when I feel overwhelmed with just one..........
So many in my extended family have only 2 children IN ORDER TO SEND THEM TO THE BEST SCHOOLS, etc. They are missing G-d's point.
I'll have to remember that!
I get, "What do you do in your spare time (smirk)?" I always answer, "Sleep!"
>>You ladies are amazing................and make me embarrassed when I feel overwhelmed with just one..........>>
I was overwhelmed with just one as well. You really do grow along with them into the job. Ten are far easier than two or three. Promise.
It is more than any of us can handle, being responsible for God's children, whether we're personally caring for one or a dozen. Fortunately He helps out :-).
I do not think those sages were infallible. If those rabbis 1500 years ago could have gathered round a 3-D ultrasound machine, I am sure they would agree that life begins WAYYYYY before a breath is taken.
I take the spirit of our Jewish laws, which always say to choose life and hope, and believe that the HIGHEST way to follow that law is to let all unborn live, and to give the unborn more rights than Judaism traditionally has given them.
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