A LOOK INSIDE THE MIND OF A GENERATION-X DESERTER (FUNNY AND MADDENING AT THE SAME TIME)

BUCKETFOOT-AL | 1997 | USAF SECOND LIEUTENANT 'MARK'

[Al Simmons]

Ever want to look into the mind of a Clinton-era ‘Generation-X’ slacker who ‘made a mistake’ by accepting a prestigious Air Force Academy slot and then just could not stand to serve out his 6 year military commitment? Well, the following would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad (from the standpoint of our nation). Hopefully 9-11 has somewhat cured this kind of attitude amongst the younguns.

The following is the actual text of a handwritten letter left at his desk by a 24-year-old Second Lieutenant, a US Air Force Academy graduate, on the day he deserted from the Air Force and flew to Cancun, Mexico, in the middle of an Air Force training class in the late 1990s. He left it in an envelope on the outside of which were written the words:

‘WHERE’S MARK?’

“To my friends in the US Air Force,

I’ve decided to embark on a new adventure, and you may be wondering why. Actually, that’s a good question, and I’m sure my hand will cramp up and I’ll drift off before I’ve concocted a reasonable reply. How to distill this storm of ideas into some coherence?..

As of this writing I am an officer, an AF member, an (American) US citizen, a man, an artist, a mammal, and a sentient being, in that order. When the needs and longings of one of the deeper, richer levels cries out for fulfillment, I can deny it only a little while. I’ve tried, for two years willingly and for three years with growing disharmony, to play this role I scripted at the misimpressionable age of 13. (Oh USAFA admissions office, please turn away all future applicants who list an interest in art. Have mercy.) But when the raucous rhythms in my head drown out all trace of AFIT instructors and SV staff meetings, when the shelves of AFIs and “special” programs dissolve into puddles of gooey indifference, only I remain, a little boy standing at the edge of an emerald ocean, tickled by the breeze and smiling at the gulf, no longer even grasping why people spend their lifetimes staring into cathode ray tubes decoding the language of flashing lights and smattering printers.

Why? Whoever reads this – OSI, AFIT, SV, or others… Why? What the F—k are you doing it all for? Who cares? Will anyone remember you? Will you touch my life? Are you happy? If your light winks out today and the breath of life floats silently away, will you be able to say, “To my own self I was true?”

I sat in class today, reeling at the violence of the waves of irrelevance battering against the seawall of my purpose and felt the camel’s back break. Can I wait another 4 years and get out ‘honorably?’ Would that I were blessed with such patience. I am weak, irresolute, fluid, impulsive. I am no respecter of status, standards, precedent, or convention. I only want it all – is that so much? To sample every dish at the banquet of this world, to step lightly through a life without clocks and suspense slips and long staff meetings and short tempers.

I love you all. If you catch up with me I’ll buy you a drink, a toast to the freedom of a heart let loose, a toast to living in the delicious beauty of this moment. I apologize for the inconvenience my fugue may cause. I knew of no other way. I fear for my sanity (what remains of it.)

If ever you think of me, may it be to remind you that this life is yours. If you are not happy, you are the only one who can change that. Create the reality you dream of.

Do what you want with my stuff. I’m not coming back. I respect you for continuing in service to the AF and nation. I only wish that I had realized sooner that this is not my place. The shackles chafe at my wings. Give me liberty…

To the other students in SV101 – its been fun. Vince – I know what you’re grinning about. Bill – wake up, its 7:15. Steve – you’ve got a way with words. Lori – you’re married to a very lucky man. Peggy – Mark’s outta here! Damien – I’ll give you $10 US and a pair of Levis…Serge – remember that last conversation on personal ethics? And to all the other students, instructors, and friends, sorry for causing a commotion and I wish you the best in the rest of the course and your careers. Now I have a plane to catch!

MARK

(P.S. Now the Distinguished Graduate award is wide open!)”

POSTSCRIPT: The young man’s flight to live the life of a Central American painter (and he was a good painter, too) was cut short when the $$ ran out 3 weeks later, and he came back and turned himself in. He was placed in confinement pending his court-martial for desertion, dereliction of duty and theft (he paid for his plane ticket with his Government Credit Card.)

The 4-5 month confinement drove his whining to even greater heights, and he begged to just be dismissed from the Air Force.

The request went to the Clinton-appointed Air Force Legal Counsel, who approved the request and let the young man go to live the artist’s life, having shorted the AF $200K in education costs. (Don’t know if he’s managed to repay any of it yet, or if the Gov’t has pursued recovery).

All I know is that when he was merely dismissed instead of court-martialed, my general – the Convening Authority for the Court-Martial – was steaming “We used to shoot people for that in Viet Nam!” he said. (Maybe not exactly, but he was definitely not ‘touchy-feely’ like Lieutenant Mark.)

[7thson]

This is what galls me about people like this. This man signed a contract with the government being the terms probably stated something along the lines of we (the Government) will provide training, room and board, pay, and other things and in return you surrender so many years of your life to serve us. Nothing big or major and something many of us on this board has signed and lived up to honorably in the past. Then when he cannot hack it for whatever reason, he cites that as a free mammal and human, he needs to leave, blah, blah, blah. Now, there are plenty of you out there that know even animals in the wild do not act like this. Whether by instinct or whatever, animals form contracts amongst themselves in order to live in somewhat more or less in harmony. These types of people cannot even act like a decent animal. They rationalize every wrong doing and despicable act with lofty platitudes that don't mean squat! I did 18 years in the Navy as an enlisted and I worked for and with plenty of arseholes. Some of them made the command intolerable but I stuck it out. I signed up willingly, knowing what I was getting into, and I did my time and retired. The thought processes of these jerks is beyond understanding.

[7thson]

We all depend on the old, wizened veteran to get us through. What is scary is when you stay in long enough to become one. 8-)

Thank you for serving.

[Grampa Dave]

I used to get upset when left wing Rats like this one left the service.

Now, I'm happy. America is stronger and now no one will have to suffer under this sob like you did with some bad eggs.

I wonder how many bad officers and senior enlisted men were rats that you, others and I served under?

[7thson]

The vast majority of people I served with I did not know their politics or discuss it with them. Most of the jerks just lived to make others miserable. I worked in a NATO command back in the 70's - AFSOUTH Naples, Italy - and the best man, supervisor, and leader I ever worked for was Sgt. Stack, a Viet Nam and the walking definition of the grizzled Army sarge. He was a staff sergent and he taught me there is a difference between having to work for someone and wanting to work for someone. No BS with him, just straight talk. He treated everyone fair and equal. He also made me feel extremely young as he joined the Army a year before I was born. I worked for some later on who came close to his style but never like him exactly.

By the way, thank you for serving.

[Grampa Dave]

Thank you for serving.

Many of us on Free Republic via freep mail and sometimes on the threads have been commenting and discussing the problems of having rats in our military. They often cause problems while they are in and more problems when they are out.

I would have a real problem recommending any rat today for even a confidential security clearance. Their allegiance is not with America, and the oaths the rest of us took and lived by, mean nothing to them.

[LibertyRocks]

"Uh, Gen Xers ARE the kids of baby boomers."

Not necessarily so my friend... My husband and I; 32 and 34 respectively, are the children of parents born in the late 30s. There are much different attitudes prevalent among our peers when you compare those raised by older parents (those who came of age in the 50s), and those raised by "baby boomers". For me personally and most of my friends this guys' attitude is simply put; disgraceful. Once you make a committment (esp. in the military) you stick to it.

Incidently you will notice a big difference in attitudes towards marriage along those same lines as well. For my husband and most of our friends we still have "old-fashioned" values...

[LibertyRocks]

No doubt... let's not forget either that Desert Storm was fought by mostly Gen-X'ers as well. Desert Storm began in Jan. 1991 - the year after I graduated (June, 1990).

[Skeet]

As if I was not getting enough ribbing down here in Marineland for being Air Force...