Skip to comments.Stupidity about WW III: Here's Your Sign
Posted on 07/17/2006 3:45:17 PM PDT by Congressman Billybob
Bill Engvale is a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. For years hes been doing a routine about stupid things that people say. Each example ends with the tag line, Heres your sign. That means a big sign with STUPID written on it. Although geopolitics are not Bills metier, he offers a way to cut through the twaddle about the beginning of WW III.
Lets start with Howard Dean. (Remember him? He was in all the papers.) Dean cropped up today giving a fire-breathing speech to the faithful (and forlorn), screaming that we wouldnt have these problems in the Middle East if wed had a Democrat Administration for the last six years. His argument was that a Democrat Administration would have used diplomacy to keep this problem from arising.
Okay, what did the last Democrat Administration do with such problems on its watch? Madeline Albright, Secretary of State under that Administration, shook hands with Kim Jong-Il, son of the Glorious Leader of North Korea and now the tin pot dictator of that concentration camp called a country.
Madame Albright demonstrated Democrat wisdom in such matters by striking a deal with NK under which they got hundreds of millions in aid, and promised to end their nuclear program. Of course they promptly broke that agreement and developed nuclear weapons or so they say and are now working on three-stage rockets to deliver those items to Hawaii and points east.
And what does this poster child for incompetent diplomacy offer as the solution to the present problems in the Middle East. We should send an American envoy to go with UN Secretary Kofi Anans three [wise] men who are now in Beirut. Madame Secretary, heres your sign.
Since the feckless Albright is Deans idea of a problem-solving diplomat, Chairman Dean, heres your sign.
For a while in my Ph.D. program I thought about writing my thesis on mass murder by governments. Even though a majority of the governments in the UN are dictatorships of one stripe or another, only a few dictatorships in the modern world descend all the way to absolute barbarity by engaging in mass murder. What are the common characteristics of such governments?
Lying, cheating and stealing are all lesser sins, or crimes if you avoid the word sins, than mass murder. Any leader of any nation, or would-be nation, who engages in mass murder should be expected, based on history, to lie about and violate mere pieces of paper in the form of international agreements or treaties.
Lets run a partial list of these monsters on the international stage in the 20th century and up to now. Was it possible to negotiate an end to war with Adolf Hitler and Germany? Neville Chamberlain tried that in the Munich Pact of 1938. He returned to England to announce peace for our times. Hitler began WW II a year later, and about 50 million people were killed in Europe as a result.
The idea of negotiating any binding agreement with mass murders, including a cease fire, is absurd. Think Mao Tse Tung in China. Pol Pot in Cambodia. Josef Stalin in the USSR. To anyone who thinks that mere diplomacy can shut down the murderous intentions of any of these and their like, Heres your sign.
Most of these murderers put their intentions down in writing, or state them in speeches. They are as childish, as deranged, and many times more dangerous, than the Columbine High School murders. Why is it necessary to end the nuclear ambitions of any such leader? For the same reason that any competent adult would leap across the room to snatch a loaded revolver from a five-year-old. Multiply that threat by a million for the potential reach of nuclear weapons -- you get the idea.
I have seen diplomats, many of them relics of the Clinton Administration, go on TV and claim that all we need to do is contain these regimes, until they can be persuaded to act reasonably. Apply that logic to the five-year-old with a revolver in hand. Never mind the immediate danger; wait for him to grow up and learn to handle guns responsibly. Heres your sign.
Some of the geopolitical analysts claim that recent events show that democracy is not the answer in the Middle East. Democracy did not seem to be the answer in Europe or in Asia at the outset of WW II. Hitler got into power initially through winning elections. So did Mussolini in Italy. The madman now in charge of Iran also got into power through elections, as did Hamas in the Palestinian Authority.
But a mere glance at a history book shows that democracy and free societies with free markets were the solutions in Germany, Japan and Italy. The fact that democracy fails on occasion, often through rigged elections as in Iran, does not belie the tendency of established democracies not to go to war with each other. To those who believe otherwise, Heres your sign.
Last of course, are the many commentators who say that the Middle East is spiraling out of control. Often they add that the Israeli response is out of proportion. The first statement assumes that the Middle East was in control before last weeks events. Does anyone actually believe that? And what is a proportional response to mass murderers whove made clear their intent to murder your people and destroy your nation? What about the fact that Winston Churchill, before he became Prime Minister, warned that Hitler needed to be dealt with immediately, and harshly?
Tens of millions of lives would have been saved if the world had responded to Hitler disproportionately in 1938. To those who believe otherwise, Heres your sign.
As for shutting down the murderous intents of Iran, if the task is left to Israel they will eventually bomb the nuclear facilities of Iran. The US could shut down Iran without firing a shot. We have the naval forces to shut down Iranian oil in the Straits of Hormuz and in pipelines through Turkey. And without the ability to sell its oil, Iran is nothing more than another miserable, third-world hell hole. No more.
Of course, that embargo would be an act of war. But we already are at war, and have been since the first and failed World Trade Center bombing. Our enemies have been at war with us for more than a decade. To all those who think we should abide the Marquess de Queensbury rules in fighting back, Heres your sign.
For a clear understanding of how America fights and wins a war, try General Pattons speech to his troops that begins the movie, Patton.
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About the Author: John Armor is a lawyer specializing in constitutional law, who may again be a candidate for Congress in the 11th District of North Carolina.
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John / Billybob
Thank you. I needed a chuckle today.
Human nature, being what it is, there are always a few murderous thugs at the head of some beleagered nations, so the idea that negotiation is always the solution to every problem is absurd. Of course, according to the last election, about 48% of American voters think this is the solution to every problem, so for those 48%, "here's your sign."
Heck, they didn't even need to respond "harshly". They could have simply marched into the Rhineland and Hitler's unprepared and sparcly armed troops would've had to retreat. Hitler could possibly have been disgraced and neutralized without a single shot being fired. We have the same choice today. I doubt we could do it without ANY violence at all, but we could probably do it with minimal casualties on both sides.
Right on the money, as always
Bill Engvall is my very favorite comic.
"Think Mao Tse Tung in China. Pol Pot in Cambodia. Josef Stalin in the USSR."
For any younguns lurking that want an alternative viewpoint to what they've
heard about these fellows in public school...here's a link.
(just click on the pretty pictures for a biography):
It's a funny bit and you've used it well here.
Never heard of them...but I LIKE IT!!!!
Everything has a price. Hitler did want to negotiate (after Dunkirk) but the price would have been: Germany gets mainland Europe and England gets left alone. Churchill and all reasonable people were willing to do what it took to take Hitler down and we did.
In today's climate though, if the Democrats were in charge, dollars to donuts they would give Europe to a Socialist dictator and let him do what he wanted in his own country to people he did not want.
Am I wrong? Witness the Democrats seeming willingness to support Hamas, their silence regarding Iraq, their willingness to allow missiles in NK and their willingness to allow a mass murderer like Saddam to remain in power.
Yes, today's Democrats would have negotiated with Hitler.
God help us if they get the WH in '08.
"Men, this stuff that some sources sling around about America wanting out of this war, not wanting to fight, is a crock of bullshit. Americans love to fight, traditionally. All real Americans love the sting and clash of battle. You are here today for three reasons. First, because you are here to defend your homes and your loved ones. Second, you are here for your own self respect, because you would not want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real men and all real men like to fight. When you, here, everyone of you, were kids, you all admired the champion marble player, the fastest runner, the toughest boxer, the big league ball players, and the All-American football players. Americans love a winner. Americans will not tolerate a loser. Americans despise cowards. Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor will ever lose a war; for the very idea of losing is hateful to an American."
"You are not all going to die," he said slowly. "Only two percent of you right here today would die in a major battle. Death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all men. Yes, every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he's not, he's a liar. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared. Some men get over their fright in a minute under fire. For some, it takes an hour. For some, it takes days. But a real man will never let his fear of death overpower his honor, his sense of duty to his country, and his innate manhood. Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best and it removes all that is base. Americans pride themselves on being He Men and they ARE He Men. Remember that the enemy is just as frightened as you are, and probably more so. They are not supermen."
"All through your Army careers, you men have bitched about what you call "chicken shit drilling". That, like everything else in this Army, has a definite purpose. That purpose is alertness. Alertness must be bred into every soldier. I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes. You men are veterans or you wouldn't be here. You are ready for what's to come. A man must be alert at all times if he expects to stay alive. If you're not alert, sometime, a German son-of-an-asshole-bitch is going to sneak up behind you and beat you to death with a sockful of shit!"
"There are four hundred neatly marked graves somewhere in Sicily", "All because one man went to sleep on the job". He paused and the men grew silent. "But they are German graves, because we caught the bastard asleep before they did". "An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse shit. The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking!"
"We have the finest food, the finest equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world", "Why, by God, I actually pity those poor sons-of-bitches we're going up against. By God, I do".
"My men don't surrender", "I don't want to hear of any soldier under my command being captured unless he has been hit. Even if you are hit, you can still fight back. That's not just bull shit either. The kind of man that I want in my command is just like the lieutenant in Libya, who, with a Luger against his chest, jerked off his helmet, swept the gun aside with one hand, and busted the hell out of the Kraut with his helmet. Then he jumped on the gun and went out and killed another German before they knew what the hell was coming off. And, all of that time, this man had a bullet through a lung. There was a real man!"
"All of the real heroes are not storybook combat fighters, either. Every single man in this Army plays a vital role. Don't ever let up. Don't ever think that your job is unimportant. Every man has a job to do and he must do it. Every man is a vital link in the great chain. What if every truck driver suddenly decided that he didn't like the whine of those shells overhead, turned yellow, and jumped headlong into a ditch? The cowardly bastard could say, "Hell, they won't miss me, just one man in thousands". But, what if every man thought that way? Where in the hell would we be now? What would our country, our loved ones, our homes, even the world, be like? No, Goddamnit, Americans don't think like that. Every man does his job. Every man serves the whole. Every department, every unit, is important in the vast scheme of this war. The ordnance men are needed to supply the guns and machinery of war to keep us rolling. The Quartermaster is needed to bring up food and clothes because where we are going there isn't a hell of a lot to steal. Every last man on K.P. has a job to do, even the one who heats our water to keep us from getting the 'G.I. Shits'."
"Each man must not think only of himself, but also of his buddy fighting beside him. We don't want yellow cowards in this Army. They should be killed off like rats. If not, they will go home after this war and breed more cowards. The brave men will breed more brave men. Kill off the Goddamned cowards and we will have a nation of brave men. One of the bravest men that I ever saw was a fellow on top of a telegraph pole in the midst of a furious fire fight in Tunisia. I stopped and asked what the hell he was doing up there at a time like that. He answered, "Fixing the wire, Sir". I asked, "Isn't that a little unhealthy right about now?" He answered, "Yes Sir, but the Goddamned wire has to be fixed". I asked, "Don't those planes strafing the road bother you?" And he answered, "No, Sir, but you sure as hell do!" Now, there was a real man. A real soldier. There was a man who devoted all he had to his duty, no matter how seemingly insignificant his duty might appear at the time, no matter how great the odds. And you should have seen those trucks on the rode to Tunisia. Those drivers were magnificent. All day and all night they rolled over those son-of-a-bitching roads, never stopping, never faltering from their course, with shells bursting all around them all of the time. We got through on good old American guts. Many of those men drove for over forty consecutive hours. These men weren't combat men, but they were soldiers with a job to do. They did it, and in one hell of a way they did it. They were part of a team. Without team effort, without them, the fight would have been lost. All of the links in the chain pulled together and the chain became unbreakable."
"Don't forget," "you men don't know that I'm here. No mention of that fact is to be made in any letters. The world is not supposed to know what the hell happened to me. I'm not supposed to be commanding this Army. I'm not even supposed to be here in England. Let the first bastards to find out be the Goddamned Germans. Some day I want to see them raise up on their piss-soaked hind legs and howl, 'Jesus Christ, it's the Goddamned Third Army again and that son-of-a-fucking-bitch Patton'." "We want to get the hell over there", "The quicker we clean up this Goddamned mess, the quicker we can take a little jaunt against the purple pissing Japs and clean out their nest, too. Before the Goddamned Marines get all of the credit."
"Sure, we want to go home. We want this war over with. The quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. The quicker they are whipped, the quicker we can go home. The shortest way home is through Berlin and Tokyo. And when we get to Berlin", I am personally going to shoot that paper hanging son-of-a-bitch Hitler. Just like I'd shoot a snake!"
"When a man is lying in a shell hole, if he just stays there all day, a German will get to him eventually. The hell with that idea. The hell with taking it. My men don't dig foxholes. I don't want them to. Foxholes only slow up an offensive. Keep moving. And don't give the enemy time to dig one either. We'll win this war, but we'll win it only by fighting and by showing the Germans that we've got more guts than they have; or ever will have. We're not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we're going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun cocksuckers by the bushel-fucking-basket. War is a bloody, killing business. You've got to spill their blood, or they will spill yours. Rip them up the belly. Shoot them in the guts. When shells are hitting all around you and you wipe the dirt off your face and realize that instead of dirt it's the blood and guts of what once was your best friend beside you, you'll know what to do!"
"I don't want to get any messages saying, "I am holding my position." We are not holding a Goddamned thing. Let the Germans do that. We are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy's balls. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy. We are going to go through him like crap through a goose; like shit through a tin horn!"
"From time to time there will be some complaints that we are pushing our people too hard. I don't give a good Goddamn about such complaints. I believe in the old and sound rule that an ounce of sweat will save a gallon of blood. The harder WE push, the more Germans we will kill. The more Germans we kill, the fewer of our men will be killed. Pushing means fewer casualties. I want you all to remember that."
"There is one great thing that you men will all be able to say after this war is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that twenty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, "Well, your Granddaddy shoveled shit in Louisiana." No, Sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say, "Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Third Army and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Georgie Patton!"
Well done, sir! Unfortunately, far too many Americans deserve Bill's sign.