Posted on 04/27/2007 5:01:17 AM PDT by 60Gunner
One thing about ER Nurses: We know, probably more than any other nursing specialty, the combination of medications that can make a suicide attempt successful.
One of our own ER Nurses demonstrated her personal knowledge last week.
Of course, none of us who knew her- even those closest to her- has a clue why she killed herself.
The usual grief counselors were on hand a few days ago to help us discuss our feelings about the decision our friend and colleague made to take her own life. I did not attend. A wake was held at the local watering hole in the evening (of course) after the counseling session. I did not attend.
The funeral will be Friday. I cannot attend.
I have lost friends before. Years ago, in another life, I watched horrified as one of my closest friends was washed overboard in a severe storm at sea. I have since come to the understanding that even if I wanted to, there was not a thing I could have done to save him.
But this is different. She never gave anyone the chance to try to help her. And that is what bites at us.
There was no valiant fight against some grave illness. There was no horrible traffic accident. She was not murdered. She did this to herself. And because she did this to herself, people feel both sorrow and resentment toward her. That's hard to equate.
How do I feel? I don't know. I am not weepy, and I have not really agonized over it. She made her decision, and that's that. We all are dealing with this in different ways. I have said my goodbye; I am moving on. What more can I do?
ER Nursing Ping.
A real tregedy for her family.
We can say a prayer for all nurses. They keep patients alive, treat their needs and protect the licenses of a lot of doctors.
Prayers for all nurses.
May God protect them all.
May I ask why you did not attend?
“grief counsellors” are a real racket.
I would have run down to the watering hole, though.
You are right not to waste time on the nurse - it’s the family who deserves a sympathetic ear. It might even be that they’ll be glad for the situation in time. However, nurse is very likely to have simply exchanged frying pan for fire - bad move.
I made a promise to myself a long time ago that if I ever seriously contemplated suicide, I would drop everything that tied me to this current life, and walk away to start a new one.
I know very little about the nursing profession, other than it undoubtedly is inherently very stressful, ER nursing likely having among the very highest stress levels. That being said, there are thousands of ER nurses who deal with the stress daily and for many years and don’t take their own lives.
My only comment is that some people have very personal demons that they quietly fight, sometimes until they feel they can fight no more.
Sometimes, it is very difficult to understand the internal battles we all struggle to win against our own demons. Whatever the reason, the fact that she did not come to any of her colleagues and friends makes this act doubly hard to deal with because you and the others who knew and worked with her might have been able to help. Instead, you are left with the guilt of knowing that you could have helped or, perhaps, missed the warning signs. Regardless, you cannot alter anything now.
It is possible that this nurse felt personally responsible for the lives she couldn’t save in the ER - or for those who were left permanently scarred or changed, somehow. This may have been her way of dealing with that pain. Either way, she decided that this was her way of dealing with her issues. The issues she couldn’t resolve in this life will have to be dealt with in the next.
I am sorry for the loss that you, her family, and her other co-workers have experienced. In time, you may be able to look back on this event and understand why. But, there may never be an answer. You will have to accept that there was nothing you could have done to change her decision. Often, that’s the toughest part of a loss like this, because we all believe that we can change what will be. Sometimes, we just can’t.
Best of luck and God bless all of you who worked with her.
Hate to see anyone go by suicide.
Why do they have to drag out Grief Counselors for everything these days.
Death is something that is with us all our lives. Every day we face friends or family with cancer or heart attacks,At 65 now I spend way to much time going to funeral homes to visit bereft families. It become depressing,but you face it and move on.
It's ripe ground for getting new customers. People are in grief and this is a perfect opportunity to convince people they need someone to talk to.
Suicide has to be the ultimate act of selfishness. I don’t care who you are, and how badly you may feel about yourself or your life, there are other people in this world who love and care about you. When you kill yourself you are robbing them of something just to give yourself an easy way out. Having said that, I believe there are some VERY limited scenarios where suicide would be understandable. I don’t know if I would ever do it, but I know if I were to learn I had a terminal illness that was only going to bring me great suffering with the eventuality of certain death, I would seriously consider it. Of course, even then I wouldn’t check out without saying a word to anyone.
I’m so sorry, 60Gunner.
May G-d bless her and you.
Gunner... Prayers for you and your friends. There isn’t much to say in cases like this, and sometimes we can never really understand why people do these things.
Bummer, no doubt about it. Skipping the activities is fine, they are really for the living as your colleague is past caring.
IF I may share…..
I had a friend; one of those ‘grew up together’, lived at each others homes kind, from 7th grade thru college buds. He got married, I joined the service.
About 5 years later, I got a call that he had killed himself. Nothing else, just that ha took a bottle of wine and a garden hose and sitting in his car, watched the sun set on the day and himself. I was pissed, then sad, then resigned.
I found out many years later, much older and I hope wiser – that my friend had been in a running fight with his EX, she finally had him arrested. Shortly after that, he was gone. Did he die from lack of love? Too much hate? Lack of a ‘safety net’? Dunno, can’t ask him.
Your colleague had her own reasons – she did not consult with you (or anyone for that matter) as I gather from your story.
IS anyone at fault? Doubtful. Could you or anyone have helped, again, doubtful.
For the sake of argument, assume she was sick in a way you could not see, and likely could not heal. Say a prayer to a merciful God for her and go on.
Then give your wife/lover/kids/inlaws a big hug and get on with the business of life.
That, that you can do. And we all must.
ASOC sends
“Why do they have to drag out Grief Counselors for everything these days.”
IMHO
I would venture to say that while the vast majority in this country say they are Christians, another very large percentage do not go to church but twice a year. So they find comfort in another group.
When you remove a branch from the vine, it will wither and die.
Very well stated
Sorry Gunner.
Prayers for her family.
#hit you can change
#hit you endure while you try to change it
#hit you endure because this is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Unfortunately, so much more about our lives falls into group 3 as we age.....
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