When A Woman Isn't In The Mood: Part I (Dennis Prager On Why Sex Is So Important To A Man Alert)

Townhall.com ^ | 12/23/2008 | Dennis Prager

[goldstategop]

For a man fulfilling sex with a woman he's married to is the key to a solid relationship and marital happiness. Women are dismissive of male nature and think a man is like them. It comes as a revelation to them that he is the exact opposite. Today, Dennis Prager considers and discusses female objections to the male need for sex and why female mood, i.e, interest in sex, should not be the yardstick for determining a couple's happiness in a marriage.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

[DoughtyOne]

This is an important topic. While I agree with Dennis here considerably, I would like to hear his comments on mood. I don’t think mood should be a frequent consideration, but I do believe it can be an honest consideration.

[goldstategop]

Mood may be important to individuals but two people in a relationship or a marriage realize they have to give each other what they want to be happy. A woman who denies a man sex will not have a good husband but a resentful and sullen roommate. For a man a woman who is not demonstrating her interest in him in the most elemental way possible is merely a good friend not someone he's in love with. The fact of sex to human nature is ineluctable but we rarely give much to thought to why it gives satisfaction to a man that he can't be given in any other way. And that's more than physical release since sex is usually a man's way into expressing for a woman what he can't tell her in words. The wise woman will understand what it is when he is having sex with her.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

[Yaelle]

a wife who is frustrated and hurt because her husband is rarely in the mood. But, as important and as destructive as that problem is, it has different causes and different solutions, and is therefore not addressed here.

Nor anywhere else. Ever. I am tired of being told that women don't have sex drives.

[knarf]

Many, many years ago .. whether under the influence of acid or not .. I can't remember ..

I determined that the four prime motivations of all humans was/is;

Get stoned
get laid
eat
sleep

Over the years, I've continually updated those four and found that they really haven't changed that much.

Love is a decision, and the magic and romance happens daily/nightly as I/we discover ...

We chose wisely.

3:45 AM .. what the hell am I doing awake at this unGodly hour, commenting like this?

[goldstategop]

Men rarely lack a sex drive. If they have one and they can't control it - it causes them legal and psychological problems that are too well known to be elaborated here. Most men do control their sex drive their entire lives. It is asking too much of men to give it up completely, unless they live in a monastery. Male nature is at once gross and sublime and it becomes sublime in a union of true love with a woman where the carnality of the physical act is translated into something beautiful and touching that changes the soul. Which is precisely what no mere physical depiction of sex, such as in pornography for example, can ever convey to a man.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

[Islander7]

Sex? ....I seem to have some vague memories of that......

[SouthDixie]

I know this and that's why I rarely say no

I agree wholeheartedly, giving one's body is the ultimate gift.
If my man wants my body, my body he shall have, period.

[Hanna548]

I will concur with knarf in asking what the hell am I doing awake at this unGodly hour, commenting like this?”, but since I am here I couldn’t help myself.

While I agree to everything you said about the nature of man, and I have no problem with that. He needs no encouragement whatsoever to be ready to go on a moments notice.

Women can do that as well, in fact its much easier for a woman to be ready at any time. She doesn’t have to perform, unless you consider acting a performance.

I would think that any man would much rather be making love to a woman who is into it rather than one that is doing her duty, even if it is because she loves him.

It is so simple. All you have to do is engage her heart. Let her know you love all of HER, that is those parts of her that are not sexual as well as the sexual side of her.

My husband would walk up behind me when I was standing at the kitchen sink, squeeze my shoulder and be on his way. A simple thing, but a thing that said a lot. When he left in the morning he would kiss me goodbye like many couples do everyday, but he would put his hand on the side of my face and deliberately take those few seconds to speak to ME and tell me he loved me. When you are in public, do you hold her hand? Women like for others to see that you love her. It makes her girlfriends jealous and in her mind that is always a good thing.

It is a two way street if you want to have the best. Otherwise it is just like animals, but believe me it is so much better if it is on a human level and if both parties are into it.

[Hanna548]

There are also a lot of men that think/expect women to be like them.

[Cricket24]

I loved this article! I can’t wait for part II. When you get older you realize these things. At least my husband and I have. You never hear the words “make love” anymore. Everyone talks about “having sex”! It drives me crazy to hear young people talk like that. I think they have no clue how good it can be when you “make love” and take the time to enjoy each other!
I can’t wait to show this article to my husband!

[WKB]

“Sex? ....I seem to have some vague memories of that......”

Been getting any on the side?
It’s been so long I didn’t know they moved it!!!!

[hocndoc]

Mr. Prager should grow up.

Women don’t necessarily “deny” their husbands sex. He makes married sex sound like something that is a given, paid for one time on the wedding day. Worse, he seems to make a threat: if you don’t . . . Sex shouldn’t be a threat, a weapon, or relegated to a bodily function.

Remember that if you want to change a woman’s mood, you should talk to her or get her to talk to you.

The other side of the coin is that women don’t function like men. We have not been conditioned to react sexually to the same cues. Our bodies are slower to become aroused: imagine being asked to perform immediately after sex - nearly every doggone time - and you’ll understand the woman’s physiology a little bit better.

Another thing, sex wakes us up — just the opposite of a man’s reaction, again.

Quite a bit of this “need” is conditioning, btw. I hear of men raised in Mexico who think they need sex several times a day - if they are the least bit aroused, they believe they *need* sex.

[RKBA Democrat]

Fascinating article. On the one hand, I agree, on the other I don’t. You can’t change biology and you certainly can’t change the way women look at men.

Being married in the long term means sacrifice for both parties. And it’s the lot of the married male to sacrifice quietly for the greater good. That’s just the way it is. If you can’t accept that, then as a male you should probably refrain from marriage.

This article goes a long way to explain why younger men are choosing not to marry and why cohabitating is so popular. It’s not so much unwillingness to commit to a relationship, it’s the unwillingness to commit to a long term relationship where you’re going to have to make unheralded sacrifices. Everyone wants a gold star to reward their good behavior, and you’re just not going to get one in a marriage.

And marriage is certainly not about sex. To a lot of men, sex is a primary motivation and as such I think they would be wise to either reconsider it’s importance, or failing that, stay single.

[Hanna548]

As to “needing” sex several times a day, do they “need” it even once? The terms used do not describe what goes on. It is not a matter of “need” unless you consider breating a “need”, or hunger or thirst a “need”. The sex drive for the male of every mamilian species is on the same level as hunger, thirst etc. It is basic, it is what drives them.

It is all part of what makes them men, the hunter, the protector etc. It is not what they want to be, it is what they ARE. And if you call what you want, need, then yes they do need it 3 times a day and more if they have they physical endurance for it. It is not their choice. In the article the man said that men being faithful to one wife is a huge sacrifice. That is true, it goes totally against his nature.

[waiyu]

bump for later

[PasorBob]

It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.

I REALLY think Prager has lost it.

[cricket]

‘Townhall’ should stick to politics and not the politcs of sex. . .

[DoughtyOne]

I know where you are coming from. I pretty much agree. I do think the occasional mood excuse is reasoned. I don’t think it should be more than very occasional, because otherwise the guy does get the message that his needs aren’t very important. He ultimately gets the message that he isn’t valued by his mate. That realization is destructive to man’s ego, and his sense of well being.

The mood thing is so hard for guys to understand. Frankly, there simply isn’t a mood excuse in my book for me. The act of making love is the ultimate rescue from being down. If my mood sucks, this is the very thing that can turn that around.

That’s why men (who I think pretty much agree with my take here), simply cannot fathom a mood excuse. And frankly, the more than occasional mood excuse is a clear signal that something is fundamentally wrong with the woman’s outlook.

Now she may have a valid reason for that outlook, but if she does, then she should come clean with the man and explain what is causing the mood. If he is displeasing her in some way, she must tell him, or get back to loving him fully.

[DoughtyOne]

It’s nice to see women who understand what Prager is talking about.

I look forward to relations with my wife. It’s quite disheartening to hear on occasion that she doesn’t feel like it.

There have been times when I was in no condition to have relations with my wife. But I have to tell you, I was driven to anyway. It baffles me to hear women talk about the deed as if it were a chore.

Good grief. It’s a little bit of heaven on earth, and some folks talk about it like it was taking out the trash. It draws me incredible closer, and having read some of the posts here, it sounds as if it drives some people apart just thinking about it.

Sad.