Posted on 04/04/2012 9:20:59 PM PDT by null and void
WORLDWIDE E"COW"NOMICS - explained at last!
SOCIALISMI hope that has made things clearer.
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks rather attractive.........
Enjoy!
OBAMUNISM
You have two cows.
The president accuses you of having more than your fair share.
The government takes both cows and gives them to the 99%.
The 99% don’t know how to care for them so the cows starve to death.
Now no one has any cows.
The president says he has brought equality to the land.
bump!
0bama has two cows.
The media reports every word he says and agrees that he is correct.
Personally, I’d revise Obama’s socialism to:
You have two cows; The State takes one and a half, and your half dies.
The State gives half a cow to someone who has no cow and it dies.
The State gives the remaining whole cow to your neighbor, who thinks to himself, “If the cow dies, the government will rob someone else and give me another.”
So he doesn’t take care of it and it dies.
Then The State goes broke, because no one wants to raise cows anymore, and the president blames all his problems on those nasty citizens who were hoarding their cows or refused any longer to raise cows for confiscation by The State.
Almost everyone dies from lack of milk; those temporarily left alive end up fighting over the remaining cows and die of their injuries.
America’s environmentalists, with their last gasp of breath, proclaim, “At last Mother Gaia is free of humans!”
America’s erstwhile forests burn to the ground as a result of lightning strikes, and all wildlife perishes in flames or for lack of fodder and shelter.
That’s about what it boils down to.
Me thinks your giving me a bum steer!! No Bull !!
ROTFLMAO! Bookmarked!
You have two cows.
The government takes one cow, sells it. It then takes the money to develop cows that eat only dirt, producing liquid gold for milk, and craps rainbows. Such an animal doesn't exist, so they tax your other cow to destroy and bury whatever mess they made.
You have two cows.
The government takes one cow, butchers it. It gives steak and ribs to your neighbor. You sell the milk from your other cow, and are only able to buy hot dogs. The government then vilifies you for owning a cow while your neighbor doesn't.
miniature cows:
http://www.miniaturebull.com/miniature_cows
http://www.minicattlecountry.com/page3.html
they’re easier to hide from the gubment ;)
How udderly clever.
bump
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