Argentina’s Javier Mascherano says he tore his anus playing against the Netherlands

O Canada.com ^ | July 11, 2014 | Ishmael N. Daro

[Loyalist]

Javier Mascherano’s game-saving slide tackle in Wednesday’s World Cup semifinal match came at a heavy price.

The Argentine player, who likely suffered a concussion earlier in the game, says he later tore his anus when he stopped Netherlands forward Arjen Robben’s attack late in extra time.

He shared the unfortunate news in a post-match press conference.

A rough translation of his remarks: “I do not want to be rude … I tore the anus that play. That’s why I felt so much pain””

It’s not clear whether Mascherano can (or should) play in Sunday’s final against Germany, but his stellar performance against the Dutch did not go unnoticed. The Guardian’s Michael Cox hailed the Barcelona midfielder as the “man of the match by some distance,” although the official honour went to the Argentine goalkeeper Sergio Romero for his superb performance during the penalty shootout that secured Argentina’s win.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

I just opened this one for the comments. As usual, you guys delivered.

[krogers58]

“I do not want to be rude … I tore the anus that play. That’s why I felt so much pain”

I guess its safe to say he'll be limiting his participation in the post game celebration then?

[RichInOC]

This is why you’re supposed to stretch before the game, no?

[Slings and Arrows]

Open wide!

[Billthedrill]

"Mr. Drill? This is the hospital. About that organ donor card you signed..."

"I dunno, Doc - are we a tissue match? I guess I could spare one of them."

[RichInOC]

So wrong. I laughed.

[Slings and Arrows]

I’m ashamed. (Not that it’ll stop me.)

[Slings and Arrows]

...and Barky is a great president.

[Rides_A_Red_Horse]

Wrecked em?

[GeronL]

BRD PING!!!!!!!!

[windcliff]

ping

[onedoug]

“Oh, it can tear a anus, oh Chef-Of-The-Future.”

[P.O.E.]

[a fool in paradise]

Wrecked ‘em?

[null and void]

Darn near killed him...