Man chops off his own penis after girlfriend told him he was no good in bed

Metro [UK] ^ | 23 Oct 2014 | Richard Hartley-Parkinson

[Darksheare]

“Na bro, I’ll let he black goat with the thousand ewes handle this one. Shubby, be a dear..” -Hastur

[glock rocks]

Is it tight? Not really darlin, just full.

[Slings and Arrows]

And thus did The War of the Great Old Ones begin.

[john mirse]

Obama: I’m sure there is a joke somewhere tying Obama to this story, but I can’t think of any, that is, I can’t think of any joke that is in good taste and printable here.

[fieldmarshaldj]

The real test is next time if you’re with some strange strange, give a holler down yonder. If you hear an echo, you know she’s probably slept with half the male population in town.

[AnotherUnixGeek]

He is alleged to have told doctors that he had a small appendage

...and therefore he decided to make it even smaller in a very painful way. This dude is way too sensitive - if he'd laughed in her face, made a comment about her weight/breath/age and walked off, she'd probably have spent the next two weeks wondering why he didn't like her - and then she'd have called him to see if he wanted to get together sometime.

[fieldmarshaldj]

A Zero tie-in ? Hmm. Well, perhaps that explains when he told the old off-color child’s rhyme, he goofed it... “Milk, milk, lemonade. The other side is where fudge is packed.” At least that’s how he told it to Reggie.

[glock rocks]

She: Hahaha. Who do you think you’re going to satisfy with that little thing?

He: Me.

[fieldmarshaldj]

Sometimes it grows on ya.

[Darksheare]

It was all fun and games until someone threw a shoggoth.

[NoCmpromiz]

I may have inadvertantly killed Slings

Probably not.

But while this trainwreck rolled on without me I unearthed another issue with my Linux laptop.

In attempting to post something sort of fitting from Ewetoob I discovered the Ewetoob doesn't play on this machine. Someday I'll get motivated to dig into the annoyances and find out what can be done.. Of course, once I managed to get Linux running on this thing, I shelved the project - hooked it up tonight to charge the battery... ;-)

Now I wonder what else doesn't work that I am unaware of (on top of the fn buttons not working, the battery status not working, ewetoob not working, and the shutdown/power off not working.)

[Darksheare]

Usb ports, network ports, sound connectors...

[mitch5501]

Good job he wasn't a chainsaw juggler.

Notice his ex,Miss Damocles,had no comment.

[mitch5501]

"WTHIUWM?!"

Who knows? I'd ask him but he's obviously stumped!

[metesky]

“Now clap!”

[NoCmpromiz]

usb and network work. Don't know about cd/dvd play.. Sounds play, at least ones that are system generated. Can't change screen brightness (that's fn plus F1/F2 and fn plus page up/dn is volume which I haven't tried).

Now that I'm curious, I'm looking for a cd to play, or attempt to at least..

So I'll leave you (plural) in your discussion of Dummy and his stump and do some 'research'...

[freebilly]

Kocani

Not anymore....

[Smokin' Joe]

No matter how many times you cut it, it’ll still be too short...

[Darksheare]

Headphones.
External speakers, external monitor?
Check peripherals and drivers..

[Slings and Arrows]

We’ve already established that he didn’t think ahead.