USO Canteen FReeper Style....Monday Mail Call ....July 8,2002

FRiends of the USO Canteen Freeper Style and Snow Bunny

[Mr_Magoo]

Good Morning CS!

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?




Dam!

[Pippin]

LOL!! You're good!

[DoughtyOne]

Very well thank you. Hope all is good for you too.

[Pippin]

All is well. =^)

[Mr_Magoo]

SShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[Pippin]

You wish to remaim anonymous?

[Mr_Magoo]

You're good!

I've got a Rep. to protect . . .

[tomkow6]

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training
to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing
a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds
and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him
fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture
shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes
the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha!
He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you
two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because
it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you
can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture
to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This
is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly
adds, "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer!"

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and
says, "Hmmmm, the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really
doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few
minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on
that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the
suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a
beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's
TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work!
How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular
glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!"

[JustAmy]

Thank you so much for that huge hug. I am doing fine (thanks for asking) and it is great to be back.

[Mr_Magoo]

Three blondes have just died and are at the Pearly Gates of
Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the Gates if
they can answer one simple question. He asks the first
blonde, "What is Easter?"

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in
November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and
is thankful..."

The second blonde replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in
December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents,
and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the two blondes, shakes his head in
disgust, looks at the third blonde and again asks, "WHAT IS
EASTER?"

The third blonde smiles and looks St. Peter in the eye. "I
know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that
coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. After
Jesus and his disciples had eaten the last supper, Jesus
was betrayed and turned over to the Romans by one of the
disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was
stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and
was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which
was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is
moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if he sees his
shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter..."

[piasa]

Howdy! Hope you had a good 4th! Here's something you might want to let people know about:

Young Artists Wanted for Hope and Courage Contest

The Department of Defense's Deployment Health Clinical Center at Walter Reed Army Medical Center is looking for child and teen artists to participate in the 2002 Reflections of Hope and Courage art contest. The contest is open to children of reservists, active duty or retired military personnel or Department of Defense, Federal government and emergency response workers.

Artwork may be in chalk, ink, pencil or paint. A grand prize trip to Disney world will be awarded to winners in each age group: 6-8, 9-12, 13-16 and 16-18. Cash prizes will also be awarded to first -$500, second - $250, and third-place $125 winners.

The deadline for submitting artwork is August 9. entries should be mailed to DHCC Art Contest, P.O. Box 59667, Washingtone, D.C. 20012.

---

And now... for a public service announcement from the big man himself:

[tomkow6]

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather who
lived way out in the boondocks. After he'd spent the
night, his grandfather fixed him bacon and eggs for
breakfast. Noticing a heavy film on his plate and he
questioned, "Grandpa, are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean
as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your
meal."

Later on that afternoon, while eating the hamburgers
his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks
around the edge of his plate, and a substance that
looked like dried egg yokes. So he asked again,
"Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather
replied, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean
as
cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it
anymore!"

Later on that afternoon, and feeling a bit queasy, he
decided to go to a nearby town for dinner. As he was
leaving, his Grandfather's dog started to growl, and
wouldn't let him pass. He called out, "Grandpa, your
dog won't let me out."

Without diverting his attention from the baseball game
he was watching, Grandpa shouted back, "Coldwater, get
your flea bitten a$$ out of the way!"

[JustAmy]

It is going to be a warm day today; I think the nice weather will continue thru our Tailgate Party this week-end.

[Mr_Magoo]

Ways to annoy public bathroom stallmate

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh @#$%! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"


13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say,
"Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

[SAMWolf]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

[SassyMom]

I hope that you all have a GREAT time this weekend. You will be in my thoughts for sure! What a great thing to be able to meet so many of these wonderful people that are a part of this great freeper family. :)

[tomkow6]

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened
to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined
right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription
for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in
right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R
with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby,
complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little
behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the
pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

[Mr_Magoo]

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big boobs.

In high school, I dated a girl with big boobs, but there was no
passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I
needed a girl with some stability.

I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was without
direction. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now all I want is a girl with big boobs!!

[Pippin]

I meant you're joke was good.

[tomkow6]

TIPS FOR TRAVELING IN ALABAMA!!

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help
them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fish bait in the same store.

3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "Ally'all's" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying: they can't understand you either.