Posted on 11/13/2002 8:54:27 PM PST by Cicero
How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. (Mike Dukakis) In Massachusetts, my enlightened government has made it unnecessary for people to screw in their own light bulbs, as we have put thousands of former welfare recipients to work for the Dept. of Light Bulb Installation. These employees will come to your home or business and install any incandescent bulb, on only a few months notice.
2. (Bruce Babbitt) It's foolish to talk about screwing in light bulbs when we haven't even taken the first step, and that is to remove the old bulb. I challenge my fellow candidates to stand up with me and help me remove this old light bulb [stands, but nobody else does] Hah! What wimps. You guys make Bush look like Rambo.
3. (Richard Gephart) It doesn't matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it only matters that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we'll see how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.
4. (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.
5. (Al Gore) As usual, the other left-wing wacko candidates are putting forth solutions that moderate Southerners won't cotton to on Super Tuesday. At least I hope not.
6. (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn it. 7. (Jesse Jackson) Changing the light bulb is a partial solution at best. I'm more of a Lone Ranger than a light bulb changer. But even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver, and the shameful fact is that the American Indians of today don't have enough silver, or gold, or even paper money to allow them to buy into the American Dream or some extra light bulbs. We must ensure that all Americans can light their homes, from the lighthouse to the White House.
How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a light bulb?
1. (Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn't have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it. 2. (DuPont) Light bulbs need to be changed? Gosh. I guess the servants have always taken care of that... With a DuPont administration, the power of the free market will be unleashed to produce light bulbs that never need changing.
3. (Robertson) Oh, Lord, with thy divine illumination, heal this light bulb!
4. (Kemp) It's morning in America! Why should we worry about light bulbs? Let those doom-crying Democrats worry about light bulbs! [stumble over chair in the dark].
5. (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!
6. (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I've answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are TIRED of light bulb jokes.
96, one to change the bulb and 95 to file the Environmental Impact Reports!!!
Freedom, Wealth, and Peace,
Francis W. Porretto
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