Lott and the Dachshunds ("...that's racism, canine racism!")

What's dumb about Trent Lott is that he should have known how tricky it is to talk about race in America. Excuse the pun, but the top dog in the Senate should have known that we're at the point where you can't even say that dachshunds aren't so good with kids without being called a racist.

Remember when the fur hit the fan a few years back when the American Kennel Club said in its best-selling "The Complete Dog Book" that some breeds were better with young children than other breeds?

On the "not good" list were dachshunds, along with rottweilers, Dalmatians, Scotties, Yorkshire terriers and 35 other breeds.

Acting as if he'd found Strom Thurmond behind the curtain at the American Kennel Club, Roger Caras, president emeritus of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, went on ABC News to set the record straight: "To say that all these dogs are 'this' and all these dogs are 'that,' that's racism, canine racism."

Carl Holder, secretary of the Dachshund Club of America, followed up in the New York Times, declaring, "You just can't make such a blanket statement about dachshunds" – or even mildly generalize, even when it's true. That's why we have guys in turbans frisking nuns at the airport.

Taking it a step further, Dr. Vicki Hearne, author of "Animal Happiness," raised what columnist Jonah Goldberg called the "the specter of genocide, or at least breed cleansing" in a New York Times op-ed piece. To pigeonhole dachshunds as "not good" with children, wrote Dr. Hearne, "is not just an insult; it is a dangerous statement in an age when every state and many towns have adopted or are considering laws restricting, banning or even requiring the killing of particular suspect breeds."

The uproar ended when the American Kennel Club, like Trent Lott, decided to liberally apologize and call it quits. "Eventually the kennel club caved like Denny's before a class action suit," explained Goldberg. "The club recalled over 10,000 copies of its book – at a cost of nearly $800,000."

Groveling in a manner designed to steer clear of a lawsuit from the breeders of America's less-than-happy-go-lucky dog varieties, the AKC announced that it didn't even agree with its own published material: "The AKC neither agrees with, nor endorses, the material." By mistake, said the AKC, it had used "controversial information" and data that were "inadvertently incorrect" when it suggested that a golden retriever might be a better choice than a pit bull when it comes to picking a good buddy for a 2 year old.

In the end, like the AKC, Sen. Lott went on an apology tour that proved to be more disingenuous than curative. The New York Times said, "In his doomed but endlessly inventive effort to grovel his way back to political favor by taking positions way to the left of his own party, the senator came out for 'across the board' affirmative action and pledged to proclaim the anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation some kind of quasi-Kwanzaa holiday."

The day after the Times story, "The Blog from the Core: Needless Commentary from Small Town America" Web site wrote Mr. Lott's final obituary:

"Kareem Ali Mfume, 71, died today in downtown Mombasa. The former United States senator, whose birth name was Trent Lott, sat down in the middle of a busy intersection, doused himself with gasoline, and set himself afire with a cigarette lighter.

"His self-immolation is taken as having been a last attempt at apologizing for off-hand remarks at the centenary birthday, Dec. 5, 2002, of U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond, who turned 110 this month.

"His final words are said to have been, 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!' There is some discrepancy among witnesses whether this remark was uttered seven times or 243 times.

"After viewing videotape of Mfume's death, U.S. Senator Maxine Waters and U.S. Governor Cynthia McKinney held a joint satellite news conference. Sen. Waters noted that 'Mfume raised and stretched out his arms as he ran around in circles several times before collapsing on the ground and writhing in agony until expiring.' McKinney continued, 'Prancing around like that, his arms stretched out and all, he looked just like a burning cross. Unbelievable! He couldn't resist insulting our people one last time.'

"Both officials agreed it was very unfortunate that Mfume had spoiled his final opportunity to get the African-American establishment to forgive him. 'The pain we received from this last affront can never be ended,' explained Waters."

Back in real time, New York Observer columnist Joe Conason sounded last week like he wouldn't be happy until everyone in the GOP was doused and set ablaze. "Executing Piggy," he declared, "won't necessarily expiate the sins of the rest of the tribe."

After all, as Conason reminds us, "The President's father sided with Barry Goldwater and the National Review against the 1964 Civil Rights Act." What Mr. Conason fails to mention, of course, is that those same exact words would be equally true if Al Gore had come out on top in the 2000 election.

Ralph R. Reiland is the B. Kenneth Simon professor of free enterprise at Robert Morris University and a Pittsburgh restaurateur. E-mail: rrreiland@aol.com

An amusing post, although the mental condition being spoofed is far from being funny. It is really almost impossible to satirize by exaggeration the current racial dogma of the far left. They have fallen down the rabbit hole with Alice, but keep reaching up to try to pull the rest of us in with them.

The sad thing is that their dogma is in the interests of no one but demagogues and compulsive Socialists. It has probably injured America's minorities even more than the majority, but that is not well understood, because the fervor with which they press their issues has intimidated most easy tempered people into not wanting to even look at the underlying problems, if they can possibly avoid getting involved with fanatics. For my take on the Lott gambit, see The Trent Lott Affair--Anatomy Of A Smear. For more on the pathological condition of the Left, see Compulsion For Uniformity.

William Flax

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