You Know You're a Liberal If...

[Cinnamon Girl]

You know you're a liberal if...

1. You're protesting President Bush for what YOU THINK he will do to harm innocent civilians, but the million or so murders Saddam Hussein HAS committed are not relevant to you.

2. Sweden has the ideal society.

3. Martin Sheen is an actor who is smart enough to engage in political discussion. Ronald Reagan should never have been elected President because he's just an actor, for crying out loud.

4. The amount of money it will cost each individual citizen to pay for the WAR is important to consider. The amount of money welfare, food stamps, and medicare cost each individual citizen is irrelevant, and selfish to consider.

5. When people try to discuss the current administration with you, your face becomes red, you raise your voice and use the words: "idiot" and "oil" repeatedly.

6. You think Helen Thomas is an intelligent, gutsy lady and a dynamite reporter.

7. You think all war is evil. And Jimmy Carter is a voice a reason.

8. You're still not clear about what exactly was wrong with Communism.

9. Your parents paid for you to go to an expensive private college and five years later you still spend more time protesting than earning a living.

10. You don't like the sight of guns or soldiers, even in a Disney movie.

[WaveThatFlag]

4. The amount of money it will cost each individual citizen to pay for the WAR is important to consider. The amount of money welfare, food stamps, and medicare cost each individual citizen is irrelevant, and selfish to consider.

I have an especially big problem with this one. Liberals who say that the war is going to cost you X amount of dollar are conveniently taking a figure and dividing it by the number of people in this country, when the federal budget (read: the tax roll) is supplied by a limited number of taxpayers.

[Cinnamon Girl]

You're a free thinking woman who celebrates the snubbing of social norms by wearing sleeveless shirts to display the ape hair in your pits, and you'll go a week without bathing if you can't find organic, non-exploitative soap.

[FirstTomato]

And here's one from the "do as I say but not as I do" department:

--constantly criticize others about their use of SUVs, and say you support alternative forms of energy, but when it appears in your pricey, exclusive neighborbood you are opposed to it (Robert F Kennedy Jr. alert).

http://abcnews.go.com/sections/scitech/DailyNews/wind021029.html

[ChadGore]

You might be liberal is . . .

you support life for the guilty (death penalty), and death for the inosent(abortion).

[farmer18th]

You have an already dog-eared and coffee-stained copy of a book called "2003-2004 UNITED STATES FEDERAL GRANT PROGRAMS AND GUIDELINES."

[ChadGore]

You might be a liberal if . . .

you use the word "Corporation" with the same anger and contempt a WW2 vet would use the phrase "Nazi Germany".

Well guess what corporation isn't a 4 letter word ! When I drive to work in the morning, I'm out on the road with hundreds of thousands of others going to work at . . . corporations.

[amused]

You know you're a liberal if you scream about dissent being crushed while leading a boycott against conservative radio hosts.

My personal fave to sum that position up: "Rights for me, not for those who disagree"

[laredo44]

You believe Gorbachev ended the cold war.

You think there really is a free lunch.

Basically, you believe up is down and down is up.

[JavaTheHutt]

11. You go ballistic at the idea of a war against terror because innocent 'freedom fighters' could be killed, yet have no problem with the millions of americans who are murdered every year in abortion clinics, because killing a baby is your 'right'.

[farmer18th]

wearing sleeveless shirts to display

Hemp shirts, mind you. We should have a "You Know You're a weed-eating ultra leftist if..."

[laredo44]

You think wealth creates itself.

You believe government's chief function is to divide up the pie in a zero sum game.

You think lowering taxes lowers revenues.

You believe talk radio is the problem.

You think white males are the worst thing that ever happened.

You believe filibustering judges is OK if they are suspected to be conservative.

You aren't aware the networks are biased.

You believe groups have rights. And one of those is the Democratic Party's absolute right to the black vote.

You believe in re-counting the votes until your candidate wins, no matter how long that may take.

You think laws are for losers, especially election laws.

You believe the Wellstone kids actually planned that whole wake/pep rally on their own.

[sonofatpatcher2]

You know you're a Liberal if
you get more action from your dog than from your wife.

[farmer18th]

The phrase "reinventing yourself" creeps into your conversation whenever your are considering welshing on an obligation.

You get a little petulant with the utter conventionality of people who scold you for welshing on your obligations.

When you realize there will be bad consequences for welshing on your obligations, you scream out, "alright aready! I owe you five hundred bucks! What are you? Some kind of Republican?"

[bmwcyle]

You know your a liberal if you feel out of place on the FreeRepublic, you could also be a Libertarian.

[sonofatpatcher2]

You know you're a Liberal if
you smoke so much pot that you forget to pull down your pantyhose when taking a dump.

[sonofatpatcher2]

You know you're a Liberal if
you really, really believe Aliens got W elected.

[laredo44]

You're unaware that when someone currying favor tips you on cattle futures that increase your wealth 10,000% the old fixeroo was in. At least that's what you claim.

You think no controlling legal authority is the same innocent.

You think sexual harrassment starts after the one free grope in some instances.

You believe Clarence Thomas has set blacks back.

You think Teddy Kennedy really did try to save MaryJo.

[sonofatpatcher2]

You know you're a Liberal if
you think Saddam is a cool guy you'd like your daughter to meet.

[farmer18th]

The idea of saying anyting that would be the least bit repressive to a child keeps you from having children until you are 41. At 42, you are divorced and using the term "single parent" in every other sentence. You see your life as some sort of crusade. In fact, you see yourself as the subject for a made for TV movie staring Reba McIntyre.

[sonofatpatcher2]

You know you're a Liberal if
your think Uncle Sam is really Auntie Sam.