Allah Declares Virgin Shortage; Announces Recruiting Drive

Holy Books | September 12, 2003 | nwrep

[nwrep]

OLD WALLED CITY: Speaking to reporters at a press conference called during his trip to the Middle East, Allah today said that there is an acute shortage of virgins in paradise.

"The stock of virgins, carefully cultivated since the middle ages, is now facing a rapid decline. This has presented us with our most serious situation in a millenium", he said, in response to a question. The extraordinary popularity of suicide terrorism, beginning in the 1970s, was to blame, he suggested.

"Martyrs can no longer assume they will get all 72 virgins promised unto them in the scriptures, and will have to wait, sometimes for long periods of time, to get the divinely promised quota", he warned.

NEW RECRUITMENT STRATEGY

However, to remedy the situation, Allah also announced greater emphasis in recruitment drives for virgins, as well as a new strategy which takes advantage of resources that had traditionally not been tapped.

"We are ready to dip into the vast pool of virgins available in the western world", he said, while handing out photographs shown below as examples.

[Young Werther]

How's the punchline go:

"No! No! No! We RIDE the camel to town to visit the bawdy house!"

[ArrogantBustard]

193. And fight them on until there is no more Tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in Allah. but if they cease, Let there be no hostility except to those who practise oppression.
Great. Does that mean you're hostile to those who practice oppression in Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria, Egypt, Somalia, Sudan? Or do they get a pass becuase they're mohammedans?

"and there prevail justice and faith in Allah"
Looks like it's ok to fight anyone who doesn't bow down to your god ... I base that interpretation on the behaviour of mohammedans from the day mohammed slaughtered the men of Medina through the centuries to the present day.

Questions:

Is it acceptable to detonate fragmentation bombs on commuter busses?

Is it acceptable to detonate incendiary bombs in crowded nightclubs?

Is it acceptable to kidnap and hold for ransom those who disagree with you?

Is it acceptable to crash airplanes into office towers full of businessmen?

Is it acceptable for armed mobs to take over the embassies of foreign nations and hold the diplomatic staff hostage?

Enquiring minds...

[DefCon]

Koran 2:191
"Kill the disbelievers wherever we find them."
Koran 2:192
"But if they cease, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful."
Koran 2:193
"And fight them on until there is no more Tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in Allah."
---
English translation...
Koran 2:192 Kill all those who do not accept Islam whereever you may find them.
Koran 2:193 Unless they "repent" and accept Islam, then Allah will forgive them.
Koran 2:193 Otherwise fight all the unbelievers until they are all killed or accept faith in Allah.
- - -
That's about the gist of it, right?

[spectacularbid2003]

It's 72 raisons:)

http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/956793/posts

[spectacularbid2003]

John 3:16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

[spectacularbid2003]

raisons=raisins

[spectacularbid2003]

raisons=raisins

[DannyTN]

My folks always said, "You pay for your raisin'".

[BayouCoyote]

Pardon me while I try to wade thru all of your BS. Perhaps allah could use some attractive swines.

[spectacularbid2003]

That's pretty funny!

[N. Theknow]

Send him more Rachel Corries!

Looking for a flat in the Holy Land?