Posted on 03/15/2015 5:58:04 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Editors Note: This is the third in a 10-part series that Matt is writing. Questions one and two can be read by clicking the hyperlinks.
Today's question is:
I have at least a dozen friends whose Christian kids, mostly sons, have come out to them in the past 18 months. For the church to tell a 16-year-old that "God's will" is a life void of romance is a tough message to communicate. What's your answer?
What an important question this is. I had previously decided to answer a different question today, but when this one came rolling into my inbox this morning I was certain that I needed to answer it immediately.
I want to say right off the bat that I do not believe sexuality to be as "fixed" as most people do. My first inclination as how to respond to this question is to say, "Don't doubt the transforming power of God! It's totally possible for a Christian's sexuality to shift away from what is broken and toward what is whole, if they will obediently put to death sinful vices like pornography, etc., in their lives. So don't presume that because someone is solely attracted to the same-sex now that will always be the case. They may always struggle with homosexual desires to a degree, but they could very well develop attraction to someone of the opposite sex, by God's grace."
But, I realize that many young Christians don't believe that yet. And while God is able to transform and provide a heterosexual relationship to someone who never thought it possible, He doesn't always do so. Many same-sex attracted Christians do, in fact, spend the duration of their days in this world as single and celibate people. So I'm choosing to approach this question from a perspective that it is entirely possible that if someone wants to handle his or her same-sex attraction in light of the Lordship of Christ, it may mean life-long singleness.
I think the first big mistake the Church can make is to assume that our response to a young Christian's "coming out" is going to be a message of bad news. We too often come at the situation thinking, "Oh no, how in the world am I going to tell this person that if they want to live a biblically faithful life, they're going to have to abstain from the all-satisfying joy of romantic relationship?"
The wisdom of this world will tell us that if we tell teens the Lord commands them to deny this part of themselves, we are hatefully communicating a message of bondage. But that is absolutely untrue and we must reject that mentality. A life of following Christ – no matter the cross one must bear – is a life of joy and true satisfaction.
Before a Christian even begins to counsel a young person who's expressing a struggle with same sex attraction, they must whole-heartedly believe that God commands abstinence from homosexual behavior for the good, and not the detriment, of a person. Any and all "restrictive" parameters that God sets around our lives are for our good and happiness, not for our suffering or our gloom. When He says, "Don't act out on that inclination!" He doesn't say it as a distant, apathetic, dictator-like authority; but He says it as a loving Father. By faith, we have to trust Him – as our Father and Designer – to know and command what is best for us.
I also believe it is mandatory that the church continues to recognize, and actually believe, that a romantic relationship is not a necessary component to living a healthy, fulfilled, God-glorifying life.
I do understand that "it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18); but who says that a single person has to be alone? One of the many blessings of the Christian life is that God has designed it to be a community project – not an individualistic endeavor.
I'm not going to deny that there is an element of loneliness to singleness in that you sleep alone, clean the house alone, sometimes eat alone, and so on. These things can be hard for all single people, heterosexual and homosexual alike. But overall, a single-Christian-lifestyle is not one of sullen solitary confinement. A young Christian coming to terms with their same sex attraction should never fear loneliness to the degree that many do. I have been celibate and single for five years in light of my same-sex attraction and my simultaneous love for Christ, and I am not alone. I have been a member of a few different churches since my conversion – one as small as 10 people – and in every body of believers I have been embraced as a family member. I eat dinner, have coffee, watch TV, go to games, run races, go to the movies, confess sins, express struggles, glean wisdom, gain encouragement, experience love, enjoy life, and follow Jesus with these people. Yeah, I sleep alone. And sometime I'll spend a whole day alone. But I am not alone.
It's also incredibly pertinent that the Church continues to communicate to young people struggling with SSA that while sex is a part of life, it is not life. Jesus is life. We do not need to express ourselves sexually to maintain a healthy spiritual and emotional state. I'm not saying that celibacy is easy – it most surely is not. Anyone that has ever refrained from any kind of sexual behavior for any reason for any amount of time knows that a massive amount of self-control is needed to do so. But is exercising self-control a harmful experience? Does exercising self-control rob someone of joy and life? The culture would say yes – but Jesus would say no.
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."- Jesus, Matthew 16:24-25.
The denial of broken sexual desires – even if resulting in life-long celibacy – is the way to life and joy, not sorrow and sadness. According to Jesus, anyway. Will we believe Him? Or will we listen to the wisdom of this world? We've all got to make that choice. I pray that we all make the right one and continue to point young, same-sex attracted people toward the depth of life that is found in following Jesus – no matter what it may cost them.
Tomorrow I'll be tackling the following question: "What would you say to a married man with kids who wants a divorce to pursue a homosexual relationship?"
I use the term "homosexual". I don't like anything about it, but many here think I'm a defender. What i try to do is get into discussions about Biblical concepts and the nature of God's Will and His Love - along with the end result of Jesus' death and resurrection to wash away the sins of the world.
Some are so hung up on the perversions of homosexuality and other gender "orientations" that they totally miss the point.
The Lord erases your sin and calls you by your name.
Beautiful Mrs. Don-o - simple and true.
Have you ever considered the idea it might be because you walk, talk, and swim like the proverbial "duck?"
It is beyond question there is a vigorous movement to normalize homosexuality, and postures such as you adopt show little to no effort to oppose it.
I am more than willing to carry on the kind of Biblical discussion you speak of, but I have to ask: "if you were wrong, how could someone prove it to you?" And that is a serious question. If you have not determined what it would take to prove your position wrong, you won't recognize it even if it is presented to you.
Furthermore, how can you expect to be taken seriously when answering opposition with banal and supercilious riffs like "I feel sorry for them because...etc."
That kind of doctrinaire condescension is usually reserved to adolescents who mistake their parents ignorance of "popular culture" as "ignorance by definition."
I submit to you that the whole "can homosexuals be saved" question, as it is posed by moderns, is as disingenuous and self-serving as the muslim "acceptance" of Jesus as The Christ. Sure, the words are the same, but those words disguise vastly different meanings.
There is a push to normalize homosexuality and all the various hedonistic variations of pervert sex and it sucks. If one believes the Bible, one knows that this, and all the other evils of the world cannot be stopped - God has spoken and we will degenerate into a cesspool before Jesus returns to set things right. :: This is why I try to have the discussions I "instigate" here. You think I need to look at whether I may be wrong, yet you seem to surmise you are absolutely right, yet "am more than willing to carry on the kind of Biblical discussion you speak of".
I believe that, since we cannot stop the evil that will multiply, by God's Word, we should then look at ways to carry the Word to everyone who m ay need to hear it and to do so without rancor. I guess that's not very Christian of me, but I also note that many righteous Christians seem to also be self-righteous self-deceivers about their own purity that they feel they can do God's job and judge and condemn. I usually try to refer them to the story of Jonah, but even then they don't seem to grasp the connection.
Have a great day - you and I aren't likely to get into any useful Biblical discussions so there's no sense in our ripostes to continue.
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