Posted on 03/15/2015 5:58:04 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Editors Note: This is the third in a 10-part series that Matt is writing. Questions one and two can be read by clicking the hyperlinks.
Today's question is:
I have at least a dozen friends whose Christian kids, mostly sons, have come out to them in the past 18 months. For the church to tell a 16-year-old that "God's will" is a life void of romance is a tough message to communicate. What's your answer?
What an important question this is. I had previously decided to answer a different question today, but when this one came rolling into my inbox this morning I was certain that I needed to answer it immediately.
I want to say right off the bat that I do not believe sexuality to be as "fixed" as most people do. My first inclination as how to respond to this question is to say, "Don't doubt the transforming power of God! It's totally possible for a Christian's sexuality to shift away from what is broken and toward what is whole, if they will obediently put to death sinful vices like pornography, etc., in their lives. So don't presume that because someone is solely attracted to the same-sex now that will always be the case. They may always struggle with homosexual desires to a degree, but they could very well develop attraction to someone of the opposite sex, by God's grace."
But, I realize that many young Christians don't believe that yet. And while God is able to transform and provide a heterosexual relationship to someone who never thought it possible, He doesn't always do so. Many same-sex attracted Christians do, in fact, spend the duration of their days in this world as single and celibate people. So I'm choosing to approach this question from a perspective that it is entirely possible that if someone wants to handle his or her same-sex attraction in light of the Lordship of Christ, it may mean life-long singleness.
I think the first big mistake the Church can make is to assume that our response to a young Christian's "coming out" is going to be a message of bad news. We too often come at the situation thinking, "Oh no, how in the world am I going to tell this person that if they want to live a biblically faithful life, they're going to have to abstain from the all-satisfying joy of romantic relationship?"
The wisdom of this world will tell us that if we tell teens the Lord commands them to deny this part of themselves, we are hatefully communicating a message of bondage. But that is absolutely untrue and we must reject that mentality. A life of following Christ – no matter the cross one must bear – is a life of joy and true satisfaction.
Before a Christian even begins to counsel a young person who's expressing a struggle with same sex attraction, they must whole-heartedly believe that God commands abstinence from homosexual behavior for the good, and not the detriment, of a person. Any and all "restrictive" parameters that God sets around our lives are for our good and happiness, not for our suffering or our gloom. When He says, "Don't act out on that inclination!" He doesn't say it as a distant, apathetic, dictator-like authority; but He says it as a loving Father. By faith, we have to trust Him – as our Father and Designer – to know and command what is best for us.
I also believe it is mandatory that the church continues to recognize, and actually believe, that a romantic relationship is not a necessary component to living a healthy, fulfilled, God-glorifying life.
I do understand that "it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18); but who says that a single person has to be alone? One of the many blessings of the Christian life is that God has designed it to be a community project – not an individualistic endeavor.
I'm not going to deny that there is an element of loneliness to singleness in that you sleep alone, clean the house alone, sometimes eat alone, and so on. These things can be hard for all single people, heterosexual and homosexual alike. But overall, a single-Christian-lifestyle is not one of sullen solitary confinement. A young Christian coming to terms with their same sex attraction should never fear loneliness to the degree that many do. I have been celibate and single for five years in light of my same-sex attraction and my simultaneous love for Christ, and I am not alone. I have been a member of a few different churches since my conversion – one as small as 10 people – and in every body of believers I have been embraced as a family member. I eat dinner, have coffee, watch TV, go to games, run races, go to the movies, confess sins, express struggles, glean wisdom, gain encouragement, experience love, enjoy life, and follow Jesus with these people. Yeah, I sleep alone. And sometime I'll spend a whole day alone. But I am not alone.
It's also incredibly pertinent that the Church continues to communicate to young people struggling with SSA that while sex is a part of life, it is not life. Jesus is life. We do not need to express ourselves sexually to maintain a healthy spiritual and emotional state. I'm not saying that celibacy is easy – it most surely is not. Anyone that has ever refrained from any kind of sexual behavior for any reason for any amount of time knows that a massive amount of self-control is needed to do so. But is exercising self-control a harmful experience? Does exercising self-control rob someone of joy and life? The culture would say yes – but Jesus would say no.
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."- Jesus, Matthew 16:24-25.
The denial of broken sexual desires – even if resulting in life-long celibacy – is the way to life and joy, not sorrow and sadness. According to Jesus, anyway. Will we believe Him? Or will we listen to the wisdom of this world? We've all got to make that choice. I pray that we all make the right one and continue to point young, same-sex attracted people toward the depth of life that is found in following Jesus – no matter what it may cost them.
Tomorrow I'll be tackling the following question: "What would you say to a married man with kids who wants a divorce to pursue a homosexual relationship?"
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How Can the Church Tell a 35-Year Old pedophile that ‘God’s Will’ for them Is a Life Void of Sex, Romance?
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any support for homos would have to be applied to pedos and the ‘polyamourous’ crowd
Other than our perverted media and hollyweird— full of queers and pedophiles, which compete with our churches for the learning and upbrining of our youth- where would a 16 year old get the idea they are “queer”? This is a campaign, not a theological discussion.
The sin is Biblical. Any church telling them it is OK has already lost the battle and really, the war. Including the Catholic Church and major Protestant.
What’s up with this sudden outbreak of gays?! It’s starting to feel like 50% of the country is gay!
Everytime moral issues about homosexuality and “born this way” comes up, I always ask replace the word “homosexual” to “pedophile” and ask the same question he uses to challenge me just to see what his answer would be.
The SIN narrative has been highjacked by Satan and converts it to social discourse.
God's people living together make up society ... NOT society developing a way to live with God.
How can God say to a polyamorist/swinger that adultery is ‘wrong’?
The sex positive agenda seeks to smash the patriarchy and smash monogamy. It is anti-theist and completely amoral. I say this because their stated goal is to end all moral judgments regarding sexual pairings of any kind.
positive.org has a a ‘just say yes’ campaign encouraging teens to say ‘yes’ and experiment sexually because there are too many ‘fuddy duddies’ telling people to say ‘no.
So much for the lie that homosexuality is just about consenting ADULTS in private.
Exactly.
It’s like marketing fercryinoutloud
There's the reality. Contrary to everything you're told in the popular media, Olympic sex and blinding passionate romance are not vital to human happiness. In fact, it is the striving after those mythical components that makes us the unhappiest, in many cases, living as we do in the real world and not some VC Andrews novel or a prime-time soap opera.
A man who somehow persuaded a woman to go out with him, marry him, and have sex with him decides that he finds women 'icky' or ALWAYS found such anatomy and sex repugnant. Right.
And what's with homosexuals attraction to primary and secondary sex attributes of transexuals? They say they like men and then gravitate to those who dress up in the gay version of blackface, a burlesque parody of what a woman is.
“How Can the Church Tell a 35-Year Old pedophile that ‘God’s Will’ for them Is a Life Void of Sex, Romance?”
Same way you understand that an Albino Gator/Croc ain’t gonna have a long life ??? Born that way yanoe...
IOW, you always stack the deck - similar to the classic, "Have you stopped beating your wife?" conundrum.
I know some homosexuals who are not pedophiles or activists and who attend church regularly and worship Jesus - can you state that He does not value their worship as much as those without similar issues?
Besides, He has spoken and the world will disintegrate into a cesspool and 2/3 of the Jews will be killed off, and much else that is horrendous will take place before He comes back to set things right - when undertaking spiritual tasks/essays, should one focus on fixing what is broken or getting the broken ones in touch with their Savior via the Good News of the Gospels?
I really don't know, but my heart and instincts tell me that the Good News is more effective than "fix thyself".
If a person seeks to obey God, he will inquire of God what His will is.
That said, my experience with homosexuals (of both sexes) is that their lives are dominated by their sexual desires...it is an extreme addiction as bad as, if not worse than, drug or alcohol addiction.
Any church can tell them anything they want.
Tossing them off the tops of buildings is where I draw the line.
12 teenage boy who have “come out”? The parents are doing something really wrong.
My liberal friends’ kids are badly messed up - I stopped counting the gender-bendery youths who show up at their dinner parties looking as freaky as possible - scary, too. One Jewish gay kid even converted to islam.
And our gay pres.is always mentioning it
I can't even begin to fathom the thought process behind that.
Leviticus 20:13
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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