How Can the Church Tell a Gay 16-Year Old that 'God's Will' for them Is a Life Void of Sex, Romance?

Christian Post ^ | 03/15/2015 | BY MATT MOORE

[SeekAndFind]

Editors Note: This is the third in a 10-part series that Matt is writing. Questions one and two can be read by clicking the hyperlinks.

Today's question is:

I have at least a dozen friends whose Christian kids, mostly sons, have come out to them in the past 18 months. For the church to tell a 16-year-old that "God's will" is a life void of romance is a tough message to communicate. What's your answer?

What an important question this is. I had previously decided to answer a different question today, but when this one came rolling into my inbox this morning I was certain that I needed to answer it immediately.

I want to say right off the bat that I do not believe sexuality to be as "fixed" as most people do. My first inclination as how to respond to this question is to say, "Don't doubt the transforming power of God! It's totally possible for a Christian's sexuality to shift away from what is broken and toward what is whole, if they will obediently put to death sinful vices like pornography, etc., in their lives. So don't presume that because someone is solely attracted to the same-sex now that will always be the case. They may always struggle with homosexual desires to a degree, but they could very well develop attraction to someone of the opposite sex, by God's grace."

But, I realize that many young Christians don't believe that yet. And while God is able to transform and provide a heterosexual relationship to someone who never thought it possible, He doesn't always do so. Many same-sex attracted Christians do, in fact, spend the duration of their days in this world as single and celibate people. So I'm choosing to approach this question from a perspective that it is entirely possible that if someone wants to handle his or her same-sex attraction in light of the Lordship of Christ, it may mean life-long singleness.

I think the first big mistake the Church can make is to assume that our response to a young Christian's "coming out" is going to be a message of bad news. We too often come at the situation thinking, "Oh no, how in the world am I going to tell this person that if they want to live a biblically faithful life, they're going to have to abstain from the all-satisfying joy of romantic relationship?"

The wisdom of this world will tell us that if we tell teens the Lord commands them to deny this part of themselves, we are hatefully communicating a message of bondage. But that is absolutely untrue and we must reject that mentality. A life of following Christ – no matter the cross one must bear – is a life of joy and true satisfaction.

Before a Christian even begins to counsel a young person who's expressing a struggle with same sex attraction, they must whole-heartedly believe that God commands abstinence from homosexual behavior for the good, and not the detriment, of a person. Any and all "restrictive" parameters that God sets around our lives are for our good and happiness, not for our suffering or our gloom. When He says, "Don't act out on that inclination!" He doesn't say it as a distant, apathetic, dictator-like authority; but He says it as a loving Father. By faith, we have to trust Him – as our Father and Designer – to know and command what is best for us.

I also believe it is mandatory that the church continues to recognize, and actually believe, that a romantic relationship is not a necessary component to living a healthy, fulfilled, God-glorifying life.

I do understand that "it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18); but who says that a single person has to be alone? One of the many blessings of the Christian life is that God has designed it to be a community project – not an individualistic endeavor.

I'm not going to deny that there is an element of loneliness to singleness in that you sleep alone, clean the house alone, sometimes eat alone, and so on. These things can be hard for all single people, heterosexual and homosexual alike. But overall, a single-Christian-lifestyle is not one of sullen solitary confinement. A young Christian coming to terms with their same sex attraction should never fear loneliness to the degree that many do. I have been celibate and single for five years in light of my same-sex attraction and my simultaneous love for Christ, and I am not alone. I have been a member of a few different churches since my conversion – one as small as 10 people – and in every body of believers I have been embraced as a family member. I eat dinner, have coffee, watch TV, go to games, run races, go to the movies, confess sins, express struggles, glean wisdom, gain encouragement, experience love, enjoy life, and follow Jesus with these people. Yeah, I sleep alone. And sometime I'll spend a whole day alone. But I am not alone.

It's also incredibly pertinent that the Church continues to communicate to young people struggling with SSA that while sex is a part of life, it is not life. Jesus is life. We do not need to express ourselves sexually to maintain a healthy spiritual and emotional state. I'm not saying that celibacy is easy – it most surely is not. Anyone that has ever refrained from any kind of sexual behavior for any reason for any amount of time knows that a massive amount of self-control is needed to do so. But is exercising self-control a harmful experience? Does exercising self-control rob someone of joy and life? The culture would say yes – but Jesus would say no.

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."- Jesus, Matthew 16:24-25.

The denial of broken sexual desires – even if resulting in life-long celibacy – is the way to life and joy, not sorrow and sadness. According to Jesus, anyway. Will we believe Him? Or will we listen to the wisdom of this world? We've all got to make that choice. I pray that we all make the right one and continue to point young, same-sex attracted people toward the depth of life that is found in following Jesus – no matter what it may cost them.

Tomorrow I'll be tackling the following question: "What would you say to a married man with kids who wants a divorce to pursue a homosexual relationship?"

[WriteOn]

The implicit argument is that it is natural and they are born that way. Prove it.

[Some Fat Guy in L.A.]

I’d tell him that he has not lived enough to know what he’s attracted to - if being a sodomite was not “cool” 99% of so-called “gay” kids that age wouldn’t so self-identify. And nothing is clearer in God’s Word than the fact that He considers homosexual acts sinful. So rather than offend God, follow Him and it will sort itself out in time.

[daniel1212]

Of course not Your rationalizing a condition into conversation and dialog that God doesn't recognize in the first place To HIM, sodomy is the type of sin that should die

Your argument remains incoherent.

Take it up with him, don't try to find a social reason for the sodomite to practice his sin and be accepted/acceptable

How did you ever get that out of what I said?

Christians love the sinner ... not the sin so the sin must go if the sinner is to be accepted/acceptable

Correct. Glad you agree.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

I have at least a dozen friends whose Christian kids, mostly sons, have come out to them in the past 18 months.

Really?

And I have none.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

"What would you say to a married man with kids who wants a divorce to pursue a homosexual relationship?"

You made a promise.

If you are a man you will keep it.

If you are an animal you will break it.

You get to decide what you are.

[daniel1212]

I think you mean "opposite sex" There is no such thing as an "opposite gender."

Really? As both sex and gender can refer to "the properties that distinguish organisms on the basis of their reproductive roles" (WordWeb) then why cannot it be could be used interchangeably? I see it is used in some books.

[daniel1212]

It was and is unclear what was being argued. But it is certainly God’s will that a sodomite abstain from sexual relations unless and until married to the opposite sex, just as heterosexuals must, as sodomy is sin and a capital offense.

[trebb]

Both homosexual sex and child molestation are sinful acts. It is OK to be inclined towards WANTING to commit sin, as long as you do not SUBMIT to sin.

If we could not submit to sin" Jesus would not have hung from the cross...

[trebb]

Consider the Biblical stories of Aninias and Sapphira, the man with his father's wife, and what Jesus said to do when you bring offerings with a grievance in your heart for God's demeanor toward those who confuse Him with Santa Claus.

They lied about how much they were giving to the budding Church to make themselves look better - how does that correlate? Can a homosexual be saved? How different than the liar and thief who still has bouts of lies and thievery? How about the average, everyday Christian who falls for some temptation each and every day (whether they realize/recognize it or not); are they doomed?

[papertyger]

They lied about how much they were giving to the budding Church to make themselves look better - how does that correlate?

Think about it.

Can a homosexual be saved?

In the conventional sense? No.

How different than the liar and thief who still has bouts of lies and thievery?

Poor analogy. "Serial Killer" would be closer if not more extreme.

How about the average, everyday Christian who falls for some temptation each and every day (whether they realize/recognize it or not); are they doomed?

For the sake of brevity rather than a whole lot of theological qualification: no.

[trebb]

There's a difference between a person attracted to sin (which we all are) who nevertheless prays and seeks the Lord and tries, with Our Lord's help, to live a God-pleasing life, and a person who acts out on their disorder (whatever it is) and demands to have that accepted, celebrated and even blessed.

I have enough waywardness and self-deceptions to know that it's hard to truly accept the purifying fire of God's love. To live "in Christ" is to be between the hammer and the anvil, forged into an entirely new creature. But there is no safe place in the Universe except "in Christ."

Mrs. Don-o, Thank you for a sensible reply.

Many are prone to lumping all of any ilk of sinner into a huge mixing bowl and calling each the same.

I agree that there is a substantial difference between those who flaunt their sins and those who repent (again and again and again) of their sins. Paul lamented that he kept finding himself doing the evil that he would not do and not doing the good that he would do - even those who had contact with Jesus (pre and post Resurrection) could not fully resist Satan's temptations.

I actually feel a bit sorry for those who "condemn from high" because I know they are fooling themselves about their own purity because they have "worse cases" to judge themselves against. They do not seem to recall, that under the original 10 Commandments and the Old Covenant, the wages of any sin, however large or small, was death (eternity aawy fro the Lord) and without Jesus, we would all be hopelessly condemned because He didn't just tidy up the basically good, He washed away all our sins; past/present/future and God told Jeremiah that when the New Covenant came, He would forgive our wickedness and recognize our sins no more - many seem to have trouble grasping it.

Anyway - thanks for your response.

[trebb]

They lied about how much they were giving to the budding Church to make themselves look better - how does that correlate? Think about it. Can a homosexual be saved? In the conventional sense? No. How different than the liar and thief who still has bouts of lies and thievery? Poor analogy. "Serial Killer" would be closer if not more extreme. How about the average, everyday Christian who falls for some temptation each and every day (whether they realize/recognize it or not); are they doomed? For the sake of brevity rather than a whole lot of theological qualification: no.

Have you read the Bible? Your answers might as well be calling God a liar and Jesus a charlatan trickster.

[papertyger]

I agree that there is a substantial difference between those who flaunt their sins and those who repent (again and again and again) of their sins.

How does that parallel a sin the supplicant uses as an identity?

I actually feel a bit sorry for those who "condemn from high" because I know they are fooling themselves about their own purity....

Pot...kettle.

[papertyger]

Have you read the Bible? Your answers might as well be calling God a liar and Jesus a charlatan trickster.

By all means, do tell!

[papertyger]

They do not seem to recall, that under the original 10 Commandments and the Old Covenant, the wages of any sin, however large or small, was death

Have you ever read the Bible for yourself? There were many more than Ten Commandments in the Old Testament, not all of which were punished by death.

[Yosemitest]

This is what we get when we FAIL to OBEY God.
For it is written:

“ For whosoever shall commit ANY of these abominations,
even the SOULS that commit them
SHALL BE CUT OFF from among their people. ”

Those who support homosexuals are against our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.
These anti Christ people only bring destruction on us ALL.
I have NO sympathy for homosexuals!

Homosexuality is a "Mark" of disobedience.

It was given by our Heavenly Father to test us
to see ... if we will OBEY our Heavenly Father,
and abide by His commandments, statues, and ordinances.

Someone once asked

"Why are they [homosexuals] all so angry?"

The answer is in the definition of "REPROBATE".

rep·ro·bate \ˈre-prə-ˌbāt\ a. [L. reprobatus, reprobo, to disallow; re and probo, to prove.]

1. Not enduring proof or trial; not of standard purity or fineness; disallowed; rejected.


Reprobate silver shall men call them, because the Lord hath rejected them. Jer. 6.




2. Abandoned in sin; lost to virtue or grace.

They profess that they know God, but in works deny him, being abominable and disobedient, and to every good work reprobate. Titus 1.

3. Abandoned to error, or in apostasy. 2Tim. 3.

And the reason"why" is given in the Bible.

God has a cure for homosexuals.

But will we OBEY our Heavenly Father?

"Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect
that God is just,
that his justice cannot sleep forever."

[PapaBear3625]

>>Both homosexual sex and child molestation are sinful acts. It is OK to be inclined towards WANTING to commit sin, as long as you do not SUBMIT to sin.<<

If we could not submit to sin" Jesus would not have hung from the cross...

There's a difference between occasionally failing to resist sin, versus deliberately jumping in and rolling around in it, day after day after day.

[PapaBear3625]

Really? As both sex and gender can refer to "the properties that distinguish organisms on the basis of their reproductive roles" (WordWeb) then why cannot it be could be used interchangeably? I see it is used in some books.

The "gay community" has "evolved" the word "gender":

Although the words gender and sex both have the sense ‘the state of being male or female,’ they are typically used in slightly different ways: sex tends to refer to biological differences, while gender refers to cultural or social ones.

In PC usage, a "trans-sexual" can be of the male sex (as in having XY chromosomes and born male) but "female gender" (as in, he prefers to be treated as female). Note that my describing how they use the term does not imply I agree with it.

[papertyger]

Note that my describing how they use the term does not imply I agree with it.

I understood you immediately.

Frankly, I'm getting pretty frickin' sick of having to make long lists of vapid qualifiers in a vain attempt to dodge the defamatory shibboleths of the left and their cultural myrmidons on the right.

But I'm sure you can tell that from my previous terse responses to Trebb.

[daniel1212]

In PC usage, a "trans-sexual" can be of the male sex (as in having XY chromosomes and born male) but "female gender" (as in, he prefers to be treated as female). Note that my describing how they use the term does not imply I agree with it.

Liberals feel they can change whatever they want.