Free Republic

PROPOUNDING POSERS © (ANSWERS OPTIONAL) by Norman Liebmann California’s Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering selling San Quentin. Why not just ask Donald Trump to make it into a casino as long as all the losers are already in there? And how old was Donald Trump when he first noticed his hair was turning orange? If Bill Clinton were till President would the Guantanamo terrorists already have been moved into the Lincoln bedroom? If Nancy Pelosi is forced to step down as Speaker of the House, will the Democrats have to replace her with a Designated Liar? Has the Obama’s dog...

BERCHTESGADEN ON THE POTOMAC FOLLOW THE FASCIST BRICK ROAD © Norman Liebmann Obama’s approval numbers have gone down. Apparently he sprung a leak in his charisma. In Detroit they have started calling him “Obama, the Pontiac Killer”. He decided he had to destroy the automobile industry in order to save it. This is called “Nationalization”. Well, America, there is another “N word” for ya’. Obama’s ingests his fascism straight - the same way drunks order whiskey – “As it comes”. (There may be no alternative to the Obama fascism but the reintroduction of “the N word” – if for no...

DISHONORABLE MENTION © YOU MAY EXPECTORATE WHEN READY Norman Liebmann Impeach Barack Obama - Nancy Pelosi will get the message. Instead of a tea bag, to convey the proper anti-government sentiment, every tax return should contain a fecal enclosure. Are the minorities planning to swap DNA in order to maintain their core constituency in further elections? After seeing Walter Cronkite in his yachting attire, it is fitting that the captain should go down with his cap. Anyone who doesn’t think Juan Williams needs help - needs help. The American Navy’s victory over the SomaIi pirates has left Barack Obama emotionally...

BARACK OBAMA: THE JUDAS PRESIDENT © by Norman Liebmann THE OBAMAS’ TOUR DE FALSE The Great Obama Cringe Out hit the road. Obama has returned from another surrender bender. The Black Plaque went to Europe – and this time it brought its entourage. The trip was ill-advised. Europeans did not need another Hussein on their continent already bloated with Bedouins. He did not take his “Aunt Screwy” along for fear she would not be allowed back into the country. This may give her time to finish writing her Swahili cook book called “You Are Who You Eat”. (The familial record...

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION: AMERICA’S TRASH BASH © Norman Liebmann The bloodsucking of America goes on. Barack Obama has less trouble finding a promising vein than Count Dracula. Any change in Obama’s political positions should be called strictly bullshift. The GOP acts like Obama has them surrounded. That’s a trick even Houdini never mastered. As long as Barack Obama is President illegal aliens will not sneak in to America. They will march in. The stimulus sounds like something for people who can’t afford sex toys. Charlie Rangel is living like the Prince of the Inner City – mostly because his Harlem...

POLITCAL RAG BAG © BARACK OBAMA MOONS AMERICA by Norman Liebmann The trouble with the American economy is that there’s a President in the woodpile. Barack Obama’s despicable treatment of visiting English Prime Minister Gordon Brown didn’t surprise the British people. They figured he just got crapped on by another Muslim. Could you describe the Obama economy as a Soul Train Wreck? He treats the economy like it is a high-stakes crap game. Muslim husbands claim they decapitate their wives so they won’t have trouble swallowing. Senator Ted Kennedy will receive Honors from Queen Elizabeth. He will then be officially...

BEEN MEANIN’ TO ASK © ANSWERS OPTIONAL by Norman Liebmann Should Barack Obama’s next book be entitled “The Porkman Cometh”? In order to be considered a member in good standing of the Negro race do you have to have slave blood, or do you qualify if you live in a house that has plantation shutters? Did Nadya Suleman who dropped eight babies at one clip go to a fertility clinic? Or is she a fertility clinic? After being told that she had given birth to octuplets was Nadya Suleman’s first question to her doctor, “What’s the record?” Now that the...

THE MUCK AND THE MALADROIT © UNFRIENDLY FIRE by Norman Liebmann Medical science expects to find a cure for the common cold before they find a cure for Chicago politics. Democrat politicians in Chicago are still looking for a candidate to fill the seat left vacant by Al Capone. Where is Mrs. O’Leary’s cow when we need her? Obama can’t remember the names Tony Rezko, Jeremiah Wright, William Ayres and Rod Blagojevich. I guess it’s a case of selective amnesia. Incidentally, is that a wig Rod Blagojevich is wearing or a hairy helmet? As of January 20, 2009, telephone calls...

CLINTONISM: THE RETURN OF STENCH POLITICS © by Norman Liebmann THE INAUGURATION It is said that the Obama Inauguration will be attended by five million people – mostly blacks. The good news is if you own a convenience store, you can give the security guard the day off. In any event, the Democrat cognoscenti are obsessed with caramelizing the population and making Obama cabinet meetings look like a 1950 Greenwich Village cocktail party. Hillary is planning to wear her best brass knuckles to the Inauguration. Rosie O’Donnell may not attend the Inauguration Ceremony as it takes place on the same...

OBAMA: A SMILING PILE OF GUILE © COMING OF AGE IN THE WHITE HOUSE? by Norman Liebmann It is apparent that the job of being President isn’t attracting the caliber of people it used to. Having Obama and Biden in the White House will be like waking up on Christmas Morning and finding a couple of hemorrhoids dangling on your Christmas tree. More and more Barack Obama looks like a pallbearer who can’t wipe that smile off his face. If he becomes President, the first thing he will do is rewrite J. Edgar Hoover’s file on Martin Luther King in...

2008: BARACK OBAMA: COUNTDOWN TO COMMUNISM by Norman Liebmann PROJECTIONS The Obama Administration would promise a return to "the good ol' days." (If the 'thirties ever came back we'll be all set. A reasonable conclusion to be drawn is that Obama is not a messiah, heÂ’s a meshuggeh.) Since Acorn performed its Get Out the Vote Chicanery, it became apparent there are almost as many illegal voters registered in Ohio as there are Nazis registered in Argentina. It's time to get the Acorns to climb back into their trees. Under an Obama Administration the Bureau of Census would keep track...

QUESTIONOGRAPHY © A CRASH COURSE IN CURIOSITY by Norman Liebmann Should Americans save their money just on the off chance that it may be worth something some day? If the angry Michelle Obama ever visited the Land of Oz would she pull the wings off the flying monkeys? Did Americans ever think they’d be living in a time when a train wreck in California would be the good news of the week? Are the Subprime defaulters getting ready to merge with the Bourbon Street looters? And is picking up the trash by helicopter an idea whose time has come considering...

CLOSING IN ON MEDIOCRITY © BARACK AND OTHER BALDERDASH by Norman Liebmann Barack Obama suggested we save on gas by keeping our tires inflated. After all, it worked on his head. Obama is going to save America with a tire gauge and a dipstick. (He may include a squeegee - if neatness counts.) Whatever money you save at the gas pump, Obama asks you to remember on Election Day that your tires are black. If many more people stop buying the New York Times, its editor will just be standing around with his opinion flapping in the breeze. As has...

2008 A.D. THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE MUCK © by Norman Liebmann It may be time to delete the phrase on the Statue of Liberty “Send me your huddled masses”. America is already over-huddled and over-massed. Nancy “Grossie” Pelosie, that unsightly bulge in the House of Representatives, declared, “I am trying to save the planet”. She promises to get on it first thing in the morning. (Change of life strikes again!) Welfare is the Liberals' way of telling God they are sick and tired of picking up after Him. The most precipitous decline in American history is from Mount Vernon...

JOHN McCAIN - TALK LIKE A PIPSQUEAK, WALK LIKE A PENGUIN © by Norman Liebmann John McCain’s liberal bias is not subtle, it is creepy. Having long been a centrist, he has finally bored his way into the middle of the center where mediocrity focuses and thrives. It is time to recognize that John McCain is not just a moderate Republican, he is a stealth Democrat. Contrary to the conventional wisdom, he does not reach across the aisle, he tunnels under it. Reaching across the aisle he needs a narrower aisle and/or longer flippers. McCain says he can work with...

POLITICIANS: GURUS GONE WILD © by Norman Liebmann People should have sensed something questionable in Hillary Clinton’s account of her landing under sniper fire in Tuzla. There is a sign in every cow pasture in Bosnia that reads “Don’t step in the tuzla. Now that “The Donald” has hired prostitute Ashley Dupre, has she gone from being Spitzer’s Strumpet to Trump’s Tramp? Noted without comment: Barack Obama has been endorsed by Jane Fonda. Apparently with the upcoming Olympic Games to take place in Beijing the Chinese have decided to add a new event called the Tibetan Monk Kill. It’s just...

THE UNDERSERVING UNDESERVING (THEY’RE ALWAYS WITH US) © by Norman Liebmann The nomination of John McCain by the Republican Party’s is a not too subtle way of informing conservatives that they won’t have a dog in this fight. The danger is, like all kid brothers, Raul Castro will do anything to get his older brother’s approval. Illegal aliens should stop complaining about having to climb over a wall to get into America. It’s good practice for climbing the wall to get out of San Quentin. Someday NASA will invent a spacecraft that does something else besides go up and come...

JOHN McCAIN: TWO QUESTIONS TO EVERY SIDE © by Norman Liebmann Nothing in history reveals as much meaningless rummaging as has been required to come up with a John McCain. If Republicans are expecting a nice guy in John McCain they’re going to be disappointed. But if they’re expecting a double-crossing, disloyal, amnesty-loving SOB – he’s not a bad guy. The superficiality of John McCain’s allegiances is stomach-boggling. John (Anyway the Wind Blows) McCain has proved that all politicians are the same, although John McCain demonstrates that some politicians are more the same than others. The McCain nomination is an...

POLITICAL LITTER BOX © THE USUAL OCCUPANTS by Norman Liebmann A schoolboy riddle asks, “Why don’t fish have feet?” The answer is – “Because they don’t want to step in anything.” It also explains why extraterrestrials don’t have feet - because they don’t want to land in Washington. The Clinton campaign is like a pachinko machine. Bill supplies the balls and Hillary supplies the clatter. John McCain is not a maverick, he’s a mutineer. Toni Morrison who labeled Bill Clinton “The first Black President” is endorsing Barack Obama, which raises the question: How black is black? America can thank Al...

THE DEPTHS OF THE SURFACE - DOWN A QUART © by Norman Liebmann There is bad news and good news. The bad news is Bill Clinton plans to take a more active part in his wife’s presidential campaign. The good news is he doesn’t look well. If Barack Obama wins the White House, his Presidency will be called the “They Call Me Mister Tibbs” Administration. The Obama political ascendancy shows that that the Democrats are ready for a different flavor of socialism. Hillary’s tears have converted her political campaign to a soap opera. I guess that’s the change she promised....