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Articles Posted by jpf

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  • Super Bowl XLV (that's 45, right?)

    02/04/2011 9:44:43 AM PST · by jpf · 16 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 02/04/11 | flood
    In case you haven't heard yet the Packers and Steelers play in the Super Bowl on Sunday. It's the first time these two have been matched up in a game with large Roman numerals. That just seems plain weird given how successful these franchises have been over the years. The Packers are a 3 point favorite, which is kind of a shock given how people are always saying how much more talented and balanced the AFC is compared to the NFC. This is a tough one to call, so lets talk about my idea for Pro-Bowl reform instead. The Pro-Bowl...
  • NFL Championship Weekend

    01/21/2011 9:19:09 AM PST · by jpf · 45 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 01/21/11 | Flood
    As the Patriots would say, these are T-shirt and hat games this weekend. Too bad for the Patriots they will be home watching it with you and me thanks to the Jets. The NFL Championship games are Sunday, the two winners get a trip to the Super Bowl in Dallas while the losers get to send unused T-shirts and hats to Haiti. Sure most of them are size XXX, they'll shrink in the wash. See, everybody wins, sort of. We have the polls again in the sidebar, feel free to participate. Last week we were mostly right as a group,...
  • Lessons in civility

    01/20/2011 3:06:21 PM PST · by jpf · 4 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 1/20/11 | flood
    I've always liked Anderson Cooper. I think he's pretty fair for a CNN anchor and he can be funny. In spite of this I rarely watch his show-Anderson Cooper 360-except for last night. Last night something told me to watch, call it serendipity, call it a total lack of anything interesting to watch on the history channel, whatever, I watched and now Anderson is like my all time favorite CNN anchor. In his Keeping Them Honest segment last night Cooper ripped Representative Steven Cohen (D- Tennessee) a new one in front of a substantial national audience. (see above video) I'm...
  • Football

    01/14/2011 8:18:27 AM PST · by jpf · 65 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 01/15/11 | Flood
    It's been a bad week and frankly I don't really care that much about this weekend's games because my Eagles will be watching them on TV. Still you might care, so. The Armageddon bowl, so called by the Ravens secondary, pits the Steelers against the Ravens. It's probably the best game of the weekend and it happens first, 4:30 PM ET Saturday on CBS. The Steelers are a 3˝ point favorite and that seems about right to me. The Steelers are home and their QB is better. At 8 PM ET Saturday on Fox the Packers visit the Falcons. The...
  • actionas lead to actions

    01/11/2011 6:21:04 AM PST · by jpf · 3 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 01/10/11 | flood
    snip The alleged monster in custody, Jared Loughner, is not talking, but what is known of his political beliefs seems to defy logical categorization. To the extent that his political "philosophy" can be understood, it seems to look like anarchism more than conservatism. Then again, perhaps he's just plain nuts. A viewing of one of his you tube videos reveals him performing an odd ritualistic burning of the American flag while the Drowning pool thrash metal song "Let the bodies hit the floor" plays in the background. There you go, we all know that thrash metal and flag burning are...
  • Are you ready for some football?

    01/07/2011 8:25:22 AM PST · by jpf · 15 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 01/07/11 | Flood
    Today on the blog, as promised, we're going to talk football. No issues of war and peace, no making cruel fun of a second rate American President, no water-boarding the Treasury Secretary today. Its Friday, its playoff time, and it's my blog so there's no one to stop me. This weekend is wildcard weekend, which traditionally means none of these teams are going to the Super Bowl. There have been exceptions, but sometimes exceptions only prove the rule . The Steelers, Patriots, Bears, and Falcons are watching the other 8 playoff teams beat the hell out of each other from...
  • Oh nancy, we're going to miss you

    01/06/2011 10:05:26 AM PST · by jpf · 11 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 01/06/11 | flood
    Yesterday was moving day in Washington. Robert Gibbs is going to be moving to an office in the White House where cameras and microphones can't find him and Nancy Pelosi moved out of the speakers office. We haven't talked much about Nancy here at My Big Mouth, but that's no reason not to give her a swift kick in the rear on her way out the door. The thing that makes Nancy so funny is she's so earnest. Earnest people can be funny because they generally lack self-awareness. Nancy's hair could be on fire and she'd never notice because she's...
  • Triangulate this, let me try this again

    01/05/2011 11:10:20 AM PST · by jpf
    My big mouth blog ^ | 01/05/11 | Flood
    There are only three situations in life where it's a good idea to come across as nuts: A. Riding the subway alone at night B. While on trial for double homicide C. As President of the Islamic Republic of Iran I got some feedback from yesterday's post questioning my sanity. So I re-read it... okay, you're right, it read like a Keith Olbermann special comment. Can we pretend yesterday never happened? It was a lousy day anyway, you didn't win the Mega Millions jackpot and my blog post made no sense. Of course if we erase yesterday we miss out...
  • triangulate this

    01/04/2011 11:24:11 AM PST · by jpf · 12 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 01/04/11 | Flood
    I had this friend who worked as a service advisor at a car dealership. One time he had a customer come in with this real piece. When I say the car was a piece, I mean this thing was a death trap. No brakes to speak of, corrosion in the floor boards, everything leaked, the only thing that worked was the radio. The car was basically scrap metal with a little plastic and glass thrown in to sweeten the deal. The customer had brought it in for state inspection and I guess he didn't realize that his car needed work....
  • Obama 2011, I miss Hoover

    01/03/2011 10:19:43 AM PST · by jpf · 1 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 01/03/11 | flood
    As you know On Friday my post was a list of New Years resolutions for President Obama. They were a joke because no wise politician would ever make his resolutions public. But as I've noted before, the President doesn't have much of a sense of humor and so in his Saturday radio address he resolved to do all he could to fix the economy. Resolutions are things you haven't gotten around to doing in the past, is he seriously saying that he didn't get around to this before? Oh, he's going to try harder this year? God help us if...
  • Barack Obama's New Years resolutions

    12/31/2010 11:12:07 AM PST · by jpf · 6 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 12/31/10 | Flood
    I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but a friend of a friend of mine knows this guy who met a woman who was once hit on at a party by Julian Assange. Julian asked for her phone number but she gave him the number of a drug store in Toledo instead. Julian must have assumed that he wrote it down wrong because he didn't give up but instead used his considerable talents to track her down. We'll call her Sheila because I always change the names to protect the guilty. So Julian kept writing Sheila these strange little love...
  • Bring me the head of Tucker Carlson

    12/30/2010 10:04:06 AM PST · by jpf · 22 replies · 27+ views
    my big mouth blog ^ | 12/30/10 | flood
    An apparently sober Tucker Carlson was advocating capital punishment for animal cruelty on TV this week. For those who missed it, where have you been? While filling in for Sean Hannity on Fox, Carlson expressed the opinion that Michael Vick, pro-bowl Quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, should have gotten the death penalty for his participation in a dog fighting ring a few years ago. Tucker, who finally has lost the bow tie and with it his mind, is in the process of trying for a hat trick. I think he wants to host his third show on his third different...
  • Son, did you bring your birth certificate?

    12/29/2010 9:15:17 AM PST · by jpf · 3 replies · 2+ views
    My big mouth blog ^ | 12/29/10 | Flood
    Snip Anyone who ever played or has had kids who played little league baseball, know that its organized according to age. Of course there were some kids and their parents who would try to game the system by playing with the younger kids. A kid of 13 might try and play in A league with 12 and 11 year olds, giving him a big advantage. To avoid this, hopefully, the first question you were ask at the registration table was, "Son, did you bring your birth certificate?" There was actually a scandal or two with the Little League World Series...
  • a study in stupidity

    12/28/2010 10:29:37 AM PST · by jpf · 6 replies · 2+ views
    my big mouth blog ^ | 12/28/10 | flood
    The university of Maryland recently published a study concluding that Fox News viewers are morons. Okay it doesn't actually say that, but we can all read between the lines. Democratic underground followers are cackling amongst themselves and sharing it on facebook as their consolation prize for the 2010 shellacking. Part of me doesn't want to do this, I have liberal friends, I don't want to leave them with nothing to celebrate on New Year's Eve. I mean, seriously, we got the House of Representatives and all they got was Rice A Roni, turtle wax, and a version of the home...
  • I'm saving you!

    12/27/2010 11:22:28 AM PST · by jpf · 8 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 12/28/10 | flood
    I'm snowed in today. We're told that global warming is to blame... don't ask, Al Gore will make fun of you if you do. Also Keith Olbermann will get angry and do a special commentary all about you. You'll be the worst person in the world, which is saying something while Osama Bin Laden draws breath. snip While pondering this powerful force that warms up the earth and makes us freeze, I also noticed that bloggers and gossipers everywhere are still on Sarah Palin's back for sort of making fun of Michelle Obama. The governor said something about how Michelle...
  • The case for Fruitcake

    12/22/2010 10:40:29 AM PST · by jpf · 33 replies · 1+ views
    my big mouth blog ^ | 12/22/10 | Flood
    Fruitcake, the very mention of the word causes fits of laughter followed by the irrational fear that your 92 year old Aunt might send you one for Christmas. Such fear and loathing always draws skepticism from me, could it all be a frame up? Could fruitcake actually be the victim of the greatest slander since the 1964 Presidential election? Nothing, not even the Obama justice department can be that bad, can it? I've grown suspicious, my mother-in-law likes fruitcake there must be others like her. Being a capitalist I've always operated on the theory that if they still make fruitcake...
  • New White House hope return policy

    12/21/2010 9:41:49 AM PST · by jpf · 3 replies
    My big mouth blog ^ | 12/21/10 | Flood
    White House Washington D.C. Here at the White House it has come to our attention that many of the President's supporters would like to return the hope that was sold to them during the 2008 election campaign. First we would like to point out what a mistake it would be for you to return your hope so prematurely. Sure unemployment is sky high, sure the TSA is abusing civil liberties in a way the writers of law and order could never have imagined, sure the war in Afghanistan rages on, sure Gitmo is still open, sure there is no public...
  • TSA memo on Santa Claus

    12/20/2010 10:25:22 AM PST · by jpf · 6 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 12/20/10 | flood
    Transportation Safety Administration Washington D.C. To all regional supervisors, As you know this Friday 24 December is Christmas Eve, and as always we are expecting Santa Claus, aka Kris Kringle, aka Saint Nicholas, aka Father Christmas, aka St. Nick, to be flying across the United States. While many of us, I'm sure, have fond memories of the jolly old elf, I need not remind you that our job is to protect the American people at all times. Toward that end we must view Santa Claus in the light of a potential threat to the United States. Snip Santa has long...
  • Merry almost Christmas, six good things about Barack Obama

    12/16/2010 9:50:17 AM PST · by jpf · 22 replies · 1+ views
    My big mouth blog ^ | 12/16/10 | Flood
    Today in the blog we're going to say six nice things about President Obama because I promised my wife that we would. I was trying to put this off a little longer because: A. Most of the audience for this blog is going to hate this and may never come back B. I'm going to hate this and may never come back How did this happen? Well, the wife has been after me about there being too much negativity here, about how often I criticize Barack Obama, and how I just generally come off as a raving lunatic. Personally I...
  • Save the planet, kill the whales

    12/15/2010 9:21:32 AM PST · by jpf · 11 replies
    my big mouth blog ^ | 12/15/10 | Flood
    I've often imagined what the world would be like if things were different, like for example if Dick Cheney had announced the theory of global warming in 2003. Undetected for decades, NASA scientists had discovered that a colorless, odorless, tasteless gas, was warming our planet and posing a threat to our very existence. After a briefing from NASA scientists, the Vice President crawled out of his secret lair to announce the discovery to the world. Dick being Dick, the discovery was reason to immediately begin the construction of 10,000 nuclear power plants across the country, post haste. I'm just wondering...