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Soooo I have recently started training with my local roller derby team, and I hope to pass the assessment and get picked up for the roster by next year. Should that happen, I will need an epic awesome roller derby girl name. And I'm comin' up snake-eyes, so I figured I'd come to the funniest brain trust there is. Criteria: the punnier, the better. Some examples of actual already-in-use names: Ann Archy Felony Griffith Melicious Lusty Nails Fleetwood Smack Wreck Tangle Sexy is good. Fierce is good. If we could work something conservative into it, that would be EPIC.

Create your own designs inspired by the tiles of William de Morgan. Save your finished design in the gallery, print it, and send it to friends. From Wiki: William Frend De Morgan (16 November 1839 – 15 January 1917) was an English potter and tile designer. A life-long friend of William Morris, he designed tiles, stained glass and furniture for Morris & Co. from 1863 to 1872. His tiles are often based on medieval designs or Persian patterns, and he experimented with innovative glazes and firing techniques. Galleons and fish were popular motifs, as were "fantastical" birds and other animals....

The world's most expensive burger is available at just one restaurant in West London, England, once a week — but it will eventually be available to order via a hotline. The fine ingredients of what is called simply 'The Burger' include Wagyu beef, white truffles, Pata Negra ham slices, Cristal onion straws, Modena balsamic vinegar, lambs lettuce, pink Himalayan rock salt, organic white wine and shallot-infused mayonnaise in an Iranian saffron and white-truffle-dusted bun.

TRENTON, N.J. - Independent truckers around the country pulled their rigs off the road and others slowed to a crawl on major highways in a loosely organized protest of high fuel prices. Some truckers, on CB radios and trucking Web sites, had called for a strike Tuesday to protest the high cost of diesel fuel, saying the action might pressure President Bush to stabilize prices by using the nation's oil reserves. But the protests were scattered because major trucking companies were not on board and there did not appear to be any central coordination. On New Jersey's Turnpike, southbound rigs...

A Luzerne County man is behind bars in our area tonight. He reportedly went on a vandalism spree just outside of Lancaster. The bizarre part about the crime: the suspect was completely naked. Friday night, police arrested Nicholas Hadzick of Freeland. He's accused of causing thousands of dollars in damage in West Lampeter Township. Investigators say Hadzick targeted the Willow Valley Resort and a near-by 24-hour grocery store. He was apparently drunk, and clearly naked at the time. It was business as usual at Darrenkamp's Market on Sunday, following a most unusual Friday night. Around 11:30 p.m., employees say Hadzick...

Lee L. Mercer Jr. Welcomes You!My Campaign ThemeThe United States Government must regulate government sleepers and government regulations authorized thought, ideas, acts, actions, rights, wrongs, controversies, facts, issues and circumstantial evidence through intelligence research, law research, law enforcement research and criminal law research implementing ROTC communications research innovating education national and international. My PlatformMy platform for President of the United States Of America is Criminal Law. It is developed from my Method of Education. I was ordered to create and or invent by the United States Army that is now intact regulating the United States Government protecting it through Military...

IF you think tattoos are so over, you've got another think coming. The latest in permanent ink? Tats on your eyeball. That's right - a sharp stick in the eye. When doctors do it, it's called corneal tattooing; but when perfectly healthy folks looking for new horizons in tattooing, piercing, scarring, etc., do it, it's nuts.

Bleary-eyed Tony Wright is tomorrow set to beat the world record for sleep deprivation - after staying awake for more than 11 days. The 43-year-old has gone without kip since 6am on May 14, and will break the existing record of 264 hours at 6.01am tomorrow. Tony, a father-of-three, has held his entire record-waking attempt in the Studio Bar in Penzance, Cornwall. Carefully monitored by six CCTV cameras and a live web cam, he has spent his time playing pool, listening to music, drinking tea and talking to his supporters. If he is still awake at 6.01am he will have...

Valero's Houston refinery will be offline until sometime next week due to boiler and steam system problems, the company said today. All of the plants 64,000 barrels per day of gasoline and 44,000 barrels per day of distillate production is offline due to the problem. Distillate includes diesel fuel and heating oil. "We are working diligently to fix the problem, and expect to have production back to normal early next week," the company said in a statement. Valero said output from the refinery is sold into the wider U.S. market via interstate pipelines, so the company does not anticipate that...

A man died overnight after police stunned him with a Taser at a southwest Houston apartment. The officers were sent to the complex in the 7600 block of Gulfton about 9:15 p.m. Monday after they received an urgent call for assistance from Houston firefighters, police said. "When our officers got there, the male was already acting violently,'' said John Cannon, a Houston police spokesman. According to preliminary information, the officer, who has not been identified, used the Taser on the man during a struggle. He continued to fight, however, even after being shocked with the stun gun, police said. He...

A 14-year-old girl who died in the crash of a pickup she was driving Tuesday was not pregnant, her mother said Wednesday. Abigail Medina had taken the pickup on a "joy ride" along with a 16-year-old friend, Claudia Saldana, Abigail's mother, said in an emotional telephone interview Wednesday afternoon. "I begged her to wait," she said. "She was just always so desperate about driving." That desperation resulted in Abigail's death in the 5100 block of Yale around 2 p.m. Tuesday, her mother said. "She was skipping school," said Saldana. Abigail became frequently truant from school after meeting an older girl...

Comedian Andy Dick reportedly went berserk backstage at the Comedy Central "Roast of William Shatner" on Sunday, licking stars and biting a journalist. New York Post reporter Mandy Stadtmiller claims she watched Dick lick actresses Farrah Fawcett and Carrie Fisher and comedian Patton Oswalt before turning his attentions to her. He allegedly groped her, tried to kiss her, proclaimed his love for her and then bit her hand, telling her, "Baby, please, put in something nice. They're so mean. I'm not weird. Maybe I'm a little weird, they make me out to be a monster, I'm not a monster. I...

A bizarre video of Britney Spears belching and ranting at her husband has shocked fans worldwide. The pop star - who appears confused as she speaks to the camera - moans about being ugly and whinges at husband Kevin Federline while eating what appears to be takeaway chicken and chips. She also moans that she has "missed out on life." Scroll down to the bottom of the page to watch the video clip of Britney When pushed further on the topic she says, quite irrationally: "Things! Y'know! Huh? Where've I been? Huh? "I wanna drink at home! Have you seen...

Running a red light at 10 camera-equipped Houston intersections will cost $75 starting Sept. 1 — and there will be no warning period to get drivers used to the idea. The Houston Police Department and Phoenix-based American Traffic Solutions are launching a public awareness campaign this month to let drivers know the much-discussed program is finally here. "Our message is basically be aware," said Sgt. Michael Muench of the police department's traffic division. "We're hoping that everybody should be watching the red lights anyhow, but this is going to be an added tool for us to try to change drivers'...

A Boston beauty salon was more bloody than beautiful this weekend when a brawl broke out over a customer speaking Spanish. "Speak English! This is America!" one woman reportedly screamed at another at Kathy's Nail Design in the Dorchester section of the city. The remark ignited a massive melee at the salon, with numerous women engaging in manicure-to-manicure combat. "Ten years in this country, I never seen anything like this. The lady says 'Speak English, I don't want to hear Spanish!' and big fight happens," shop owner David Win told the Boston Herald. "There was blood in here and everything....

And I say that advisedly, being fully cognizant of the horror that is David Hasselhoff's "Hooked on a Feeling." But this one might just top it. Give it a watch and tell what you think . . . does this top Hasselhoff in terms of WTFitude?

World of Warcraft is what's called an MMORPG - a massively multiplayer online roleplaying game, for you non-geeks - and like all computer games, it has its share of goobers who take the game way too seriously. This video makes fun of said goobers. Watch it at your peril - both because it contains profanity, and because if you know anyone like this, your face will hurt from laughing.

The year was 2002. The man was David Hasselhoff. The album was "Hooked on a Feeling," a collection of songs recorded by the great one himself. Here’s the hitch. Hasselhoff was already a megastar in Europe, but he felt that he needed to kick off the release of his album with a bang. So, you know what he did? He got himself a damned blue screen and made perhaps the greatest music video EVER. And I don’t throw that phrase around often people. Only for something epic like this. And by epic, I mean like an episode of Captain Planet...

A transcript of the radio spot airing on AM stations in Houston: Betrayed by Tom DeLay. It rhymes. Betrayed. DeLayed. DeLay lost his job as House Majority Leader when he was indicted for money laundering and criminal conspiracy. He’s been admonished three times by the House Ethics Committee for the way he’s treated us. Tom DeLay betrayed his voters. His voters. His former aide called religious conservatives “wackos.” And tried to fool them at the polls. He and his aides cozied up to a foreign country that forced pregnant workers to get abortions. Forced abortions. And it was all connected...

Happy Friday, FReepers! Late yesterday afternoon, my mother (diagnosed with breast cancer over the summer) went into the hospital to have a chemotherapy catheter inserted. During the procedure, her lung was punctured. She's back under today to get it reinflated.