From Aristotle to Linnaeus to Darwin, naturalists have been fascinated with the organisms that populate their environment. Like the Galapagos Islands, Cornell provides a sheltered habitat to a riotous array of creatures that would surely perish under harsher conditions. I've spent three years cataloging my observations of the vast biodiversity on campus, so here I report a rough taxonomy of the local fauna. Genus: Facultatum The Fire-Breathing Nighthawk. This formidable species can be found giving seditious public lectures, flirting with terrorist groups and abusing anyone who asks hard questions. Distinct from their credulous student spawn, these dreadful herdmasters can be...